Welcome and thanks for visiting!

Finally an update...

2010-11-07T18:00:00.004-05:00

It has certainly been a long time since I have updated this blog but I am hoping I am keeping up with most of you on FaceBook, in person or at least by email….you all know how much I hate talking on the phone so we won’t add that one to the list.

So, what is the latest on us…..where do I start??

The kids are both doing just fine. Tyler is doing fine with his sophomore year at Kings High School. He is still addicted to video games but seems to be enjoying school a little more. He is expressing more of an interest in computers. He really likes his computer class this year and feels like this is something he would like to study in college….that is much better than he previous plan which was to work at Gamestop!!

Jillian is busy as usual. She just finished her football cheer season. After school she does some fun things like jazz dancing, art lessons, etc. We are fortunate to have some really great enrichment programs that are available to our students at Kings. Last month she started taking tumbling lessons at Champion Elite in Landen. She absolutely loves every minute there. She is tumbling, singing or dancing every free moment of her day…..I really believe this child is destined to be on stage.

They are both growing up so fast, too fast. Do you ever wish you could ask for a “do-over” in life? I do…I know I shouldn’t but my biggest regret is not being home for my kids during these years. I hate that I have missed school parties or just going in to have lunch with them. I am sure being a stay at home mom has it’s own set of challenges every day but I will always feel guilty that I couldn’t give them that…even if it was one or two days a week. I have never had any flexibility with work and that sucks…oh well, enough on that depressing topic!

Nothing new with Bret….his territory at work has been expanded so he is always busy….better than the alternative!

Health wise all is well with me. I finally had my back checked out when it got to the point that the pain was unbearable. The MRI showed that I have one ruptured disc and one bulging disc…I was able to get the pain under control with ibuprofen, heat and ice and it just seemed to get better. I have also gotten completely lazy….I tell myself I am protecting my back….I can certainly tell that lifting things messes it up quickly and I pay for that for a few days. My primary care doc wants me to see a pain management and rehabilitation specialist….I had never heard of this but I am going in a few weeks to see what they have in mind.

The last few months were super busy with fundraising for Team Ta-Tas and Susan G. Komen. We had an unbelievable year. We have a team blog so you can check that out if you want to know what is going on.

http://teamtatas.wordpress.com/

I love working on our different events and I have to say our board of directors (Maria, Beth, Vicki, Shauna and myself) have really got something great going. I am so thankful to everyone that gives so much of their time and effort to fight this disease. This is certainly “my passion” in life….at the end of the day it feels good to know that you have done something to help others – to me it gives life purpose. This year we had the kids get more involved with our events and I love that we are teaching them to become responsible, contributing members of their community. Check out our blog for pictures and the latest news.

It’s time for craft shows which is one of my favorite times of the year! I can’t wait to get out there and see what is new this year. I am still “playing around” with making jewelry and starting a little business for Jillian. I haven’t spent much time on it but will probably try some new things over the winter months. Most of what I have worked on is Kings Knights stuff that people in our area might be interested in. Jillian hasn’t shown a great deal of interest besides the fact that our business name is “Jillian’s Jewels” and she wants everyone to know that is her. They are having an open house at her school in early December so we plan to make up some items and try to sell them that night. We give a portion of everything we sell back to Susan G. Komen for the Cure so it is another good lesson for her.

In other family news my nephew, Eric, is now in basic training for the Marines at Parris Island. Please say a little prayer for him and everyone that misses him so much during this time. He and Leslie will be getting married in January. Jillian is the flower girl and she is very excited. This will be her first wedding. Tyler was the ring bearer when Bart got married. He was only 3 and I can remember being a nervous wreck about what he would do. As soon as he got up front he turned around and wanted to carry on a conversation with me as I was sitting in the pews. Luckily, I had brought along Kristen to babysit so we quickly removed him from the stage and sent him to the playroom…his moment on the stage was short lived to say the least. I can’t wait to see how Jillian does with everything!

We learned today that our dear Uncle Mac passed away this weekend after his long battle with cancer. He may only have been my uncle by marriage but I am so thankful that he was a part of my life. Uncle Mac was one of the sweetest, kindest men I have ever met. He was always optimistic and just had a great outlook on life. He spent his last years married to Claudine and it was always so nice to see them together....they shared such a special love. I will never forget when they first started dating...they were probably both in their 70s. Uncle Mac told me that he was going to see Claudine and he heard that she loved sour cream and onion chips. He had gone to the store to buy some for her....how darn sweet is that? What a blessing he was to so many - RIP Uncle Mac- you were loved so very much...

It’s hard to imagine that we are close to the end of 2010. I am thankful for another year of good health. Things will get hectic these next two months with all the hoopla surrounding the holidays….I hope we can all stay focused on the true meaning of both of these holidays!

I promise not to wait so long before another update but luckily I am just out living life with not much to report these days….that’s a great thing!!! Thanks for checking in!

Check up time...

2010-07-25T21:26:00.002-04:00

Well, it's time for another 6 month check up with Dr. B. and I guess this will kind of be my 3 year check up since I won't be back to see him until after my 3 yr mark in September.

Topics of discussion will be trying out a new drug for the hot flashes....they are bad, really bad. My gynocologist suggested I try this new med but I want Dr. B. to ok it before I try it. I will also be talking to him about the back pain I have been having. It's been on and off for a few months...some days much worse than others. I tell myself it's just back pain but breast cancer very often spreads into the bones so it's just something I need to talk to him about so I can quit thinking about it every time it hurts. That's the thing that sucks about cancer...no matter how far out you are from treatment you can't help but think cancer when you have a new ache or pain.

Team Ta-Tas has been busy getting ready for the walk coming up in September. I lost a close friend a few weeks ago to this horrible disease. Her name was Lisa and she died a few weeks after her 39th birthday. She fought the disease for years and had one goal....to beat the disease and have a huge 40th birthday party. No one should have to set goals like that....that is why we need a cure.....I don't want to lose any more friends to this disease. If you want to join our team or make a donation please see the address below, you can copy and paste theis into your browser and it will take you to my page.

http://www.komencincinnati.org/site/TR/Race/General?px=1152862&pg=personal&fr_id=1040&et=VbhARnVtoFD7h-e-E7jyDQ..&s_tafId=9181

The kids are having a good summer. Jillian got her ears pierced today....she is so proud of herself for doing it. Right before she fell asleep tonight she said " I can't believe I got my ears pierced...I hope I don't wake up and find out that it was just a dream".....I love that innocence...we don't get to see it a lot these days but I love it when we do.

Thanks for checking in! I will do another update soon!

Welcome spring!

2010-05-11T22:42:00.007-04:00

Nothing new going on with us which to me is a good thing! My biggest health issues these days are my hot flashes….they are really bad and don’t seem to be getting any better. At times it can be embarrassing but I just try to joke about it…there really isn’t anything I can do but I did buy a fancy fan to carry with me this summer!

I have starting working on plans for the Komen walk in September and Bunco for Boobies in October. I really want us to have the largest team this year and would love to see us raise more money. We had over 70 team members last year so if I could just get every person to raise at least $100 we would be off to a great start. We have our planning committee for Bunco for Boobies back in action. I really appreciate the time that these ladies are willing give to make this event bigger and better this year. We are moving to a new location since we outgrew our clubhouse after the first year. Stay tuned because it won’t be long before I start begging you to sign up for the walk, donate, play bunco or do something to help us support the cause! Team Ta-Tas will be #1 this year!!!

The kids are busy with Spring sports. Tyler is trying out track this year. He is focusing on the throwing events and seems to be best at the hammer….I didn’t even know there was such an event….he has learned a lot this season and he seems to enjoy it.

Jillian is playing her first season of softball (t-ball). She just finished tumbling, jazz, tap and karate. I think this sport may be a little slow for her at this time – you know her, she wants to be moving all the time!!! She is a lefty so I don’t know if I will be much help to her. I played softball for many years so it’s nice to have her participate in a sport that I know something about.

As the school year winds down we are looking forward to summer and the pool opening. It’s a great way to stay connected with everyone in the neighborhood.

We have taken a few trips this spring. Over Easter we went to Hocking Hills and did some hiking….yes, I did say hiking!! We all survived but I have to admit we were in bed pretty early. In April I went on my wonderful girls trip to Florida and had a fantastic time as usual. This past weekend we dropped the kids with my Mom and Dad and went to Put-in-Bay for the weekend with some friends…I think that is the first time Bret and I have been away together since Jillian was born….that was long overdue! On Sunday we were able to have lunch with my family before heading back to Cincinnati . That was a great way to spend Mother’s Day.

I have attached some pics for those of you that are not on Facebook. Sorry I don’t write as often but I have to confess that I am a total Facebook addict!!

Thanks for checking in!

Another great conference.....

2010-03-01T21:38:00.002-05:00

Is it Spring yet??? What a crazy February we had here in Cincinnati! We set the record for the most snow ever!!! It really did snow every day for weeks. At first it was fun and the kids were all out playing and loving the snow days….I even had a few snow days from work which I LOVED!!! A few weeks later I think we are all “over it”….let’s hope March is a little easier and that warmer days will be here soon.

I had a follow up with my plastic surgeon last week. She has given me the “all ok” to start exercising again. I have been going to the gym for a few weeks now but only doing treadmill, bike and some leg machines….I have been dying to start using all the arm machines so hopefully I can hit it hard now and get rid of some of this extra menopause flab that has been added to my upper body!

This past weekend I attended the 10th Annual Young Survivors Conference in Atlanta. I don’t think Atlanta has ever seen that much silicone in one place!! We had over 700 attendees. It was so great to meet up with friends that I met last year and to meet new friends. In the art therapy session I met two young girls in their 20s..it was obvious by their appearance that they both had recently completed treatment. They told me that they met each other at their local Race for the Cure….both very pregnant and undergoing chemotherapy. They became very close and delivered 2 healthy babies just three days apart! Those are the good stories you love to hear but it also is sad to think of women so very young fighting this disease every day. The conference does a great job of offering a variety of workshops to meet the needs of women that are newly diagnosed and those that are survivors just trying to get back some sense of normalcy in their lives. Most of the sessions I attended were dealing with long term side affects of treatments, emotional issues such as fear of recurrence, updates on the prevention of recurrence, etc. We had a session with Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman Shultz of Florida…..she is incredible. She is a young breast cancer survivor and is now heavily involved in what is called the EARLY Act and overall healthcare reform in our country. She is so energetic and passionate about her work. We all felt very fortunate that she was willing to attend the conference and speak with us…one other thing – if she were to ever run for president I can tell you where the female vote would certainly go!!!!

It really is a fascinating thing how you can walk into a conference and instantly feel a sense of calm and acceptance. These conferences offer so much more than just the sessions and workshops. This is where we come together and go from stranger to friend with just a smile or a hug. This is where you know that you are surrounded by people that really understand the journey you are on. They understand the good days and bad days because they too have been there. Last year I described it as a life changing event and I heard several other first-timers express that same sentiment this year.

At the conference we also have an expo area. There are all types of booths from local cancer centers to people that sell “anything pink” and so many non profits that support breast cancer causes. I spent a lot of my free time speaking with the different non profits and really find it inspiring to see how many people are working so hard to raise funds for this cause and they give so much of themselves every day to do that. It makes me wish I was more of a risk-taker and could find someway to give back like that. One of the women from my online support group started a foundation that offers financial assistance to young women during treatment. She helps with bills, house cleaning or anything that is needed. It was so awesome to walk in there and see her booth and see the pride on her face. She also let all of us bring in scarves, wigs or hats that we no longer needed. She had these items displayed so anyone newly diagnosed could take anything they might like and need. As I was working my way back to her booth I met a young woman that is currently going thru treatment. We talked for a few minutes and then I asked if she wanted to look thru my items before I donated them. She picked out one of my favorite scarves and put it on…she looked so pretty and I was just such a great feeling to see her smile. I also had a great conversation with a woman that does free cosmetic tattoos for survivors. She has perfected the art of creating a 3-D nipple tattoo and her work is incredible. The only problem is that she is in Ft. Lauderdale and it takes 2 sessions to complete the tattoo…..I guess there are worse places in the world to be “forced” to visit if I decide to go this route!!!! She was such a nice person…she has her own salon and has been doing permanent make up for years. Now that she is doing more and more work with breast cancer survivors she is even thinking of creating a non profit organization so that she can work with more women….

My favorite moment from the entire weekend happened at the dessert and dancing social on Saturday night….we thought that named sounded boring so we called it the Pink Tassel Lounge!! They had a DJ there and everyone was having fun dancing. They played the song “I will survive” and the dance floor was packed with several hundred young survivors. We were all dancing and singing the words with our arms in the air….halfway thru the song I just looked around and had to hold back the tears….it was an incredible moment and one I will never forget. There are many sad moments during the conference as we remember the young women we have lost over the past year but for just a few minutes it was like time was standing still, all the worries and pain were forgotten and we were all living in that moment and celebrating our bond, the connection that brought us together, and the amazing gift of being a survivor.

Once that event was over a group of us went to the Metro Café. It’s a karaoke club…luckily, not too many were doing karaoke so we did a lot of dancing. Not long after we got there a young blind man got up and did a song….he was amazing. I went over later and introduced myself and told him about our group being there and how much we enjoyed his song. He asked me if any of us were looking for a “blind date” and told me about his mom being a cancer survivor. He was so upbeat and friendly, and obviously had a great sense of humor. He sang another song later and dedicated it to all of the survivors there that night….once again I felt fortunate to meet someone so upbeat and positive even though he faces a very tough obstacle in his life each and every day. We danced until the club closed at 3 and then went upstairs to their 24 hour café for breakfast. Great concept, huh?? We finally made it back to the hotel and into bed around 5 am….needless to say Sunday was a long day…..my body was sore from all the dancing, my voice was almost gone from all the talking and singing but my heart was full from a weekend of wonderful experiences.

Another perk of the weekend was going down a day early to stay with Annie and Tim. They were moving into their newly renovated home the same day so things were hectic but I loved spending time playing with Izzie and Ben and helping out a little with the unpacking. Their house is awesome. They had an entire second story added and many updates to the original main floor area…I am so happy for them! Linda came over that evening and the three of us went out for a great dinner….I miss our friends in Georgia and cherish any amount of time I get to spend with them…

Well, I think that’s enough for now….it’s back to reality. I have been forced back out of the little cocoon that I was able to escape to for just a few days…..time to put the boxing gloves back on and jump back into the world of stress and negativity….

Back to work..

2010-01-31T18:38:00.002-05:00

So, it's back to work tomorrow...I am feeling fine and it's time.

Last week I saw the plastic surgeon on Monday. She said everything looked fine and I should come back in a month. We had a very long conversation about the next step. She strongly prefers to create a nipple and areola surgically. I talked to her about just doing a tattoo to make it look like a nipple and areola but she won't do it. I told her that I have seen photos of tattoos but she isn't going to budge. I did some research and found another doctor in the area that will do it. I talked to the nurse and she said I would need to come in so they can evaluate the scars to see if they will accept the tattoo. I am not in any rush so I told them I will call back later...

I also had an appt. with Dr. B. My blood work and exam all looked good so now I graduate to 6 month appts vs. 3 months. It's great to get to this milestone..two years ago this date seemed so far off. When you're first diagnosed you just live in the moment and the fear of not beating this horrible disease controls everything you do. You try so hard to not let the disease control your life but that is such a hard thing to do....the fear is always there. Over time it gets easier and today it's great that I don't think about it all the time!!!!

Well, I am not really in the mood to write so I think I will just sign off for now.....as always, thanks so much for checking in!!!!!

Sunday update..

2010-01-17T13:09:00.003-05:00

Not much new here with the Middleton's. Bret is down in Florida until Thursday for the annual Grainger show. I had a great plan that Tyler was going to be cooking dinner for us each night...I would give him instructions and he would do the work...he was THRILLED with that plan...NOT! Well, my wonderful neighbors had a different plan...they are cooking for us each night that Bret is gone. They are just too good to us, they have taken care of us so many times and we can never say thank you enough. We are very blessed!!!

I have gotten out a little the last few days. The worst part is my back starts hurting...it's kind of weird how I have always had back pain with all the procedures..even the the fills I had with the expanders hurt the most in my back which makes no sense at all. The pain on the right foob is still there...it's not constant but when it hits I can't move. It's happening less frequently so I just hope that it happens less and less as the days go by.

With the earthquake in Haiti I find myself addicted to the news. It is just such a horrible tragedy. I saw an interview with a missionary that was talking about rebuilding Haiti and describing the spirit of the Haitian people. He said they accept that their lives will mostly be filled with poverty...that has really impacted me for some reason. Can you imagine if that was the only expectation that you had in life. I talked with the kids about it over dinner last night. I was telling them about the baby that survived for three days and was just fine....I told them about children that were dancing and playing while living in tents. We have so much and live such good lives and we all need to be thankful for what we have. I worry so much about the children in Haiti, they make up a significant portion of the population there and so many are now lost and wandering on their own. It's so scary to think about all the prisoners from the prison out doing whatever they want...this is a country that has a history of selling their children into slavery for labor and also for sex. There are so many people all over that want to give these children safe, loving homes but right now there seems to be no way to get those kids out of there. I wish for once there was a way to get around laws, beauocracy and governments and give these kids a fair chance at life. I guess all we can do is pray, remember to be thankful for all that we have and send money....

Thanks for checking in...

Just another bad hair day....

2010-01-11T22:19:00.003-05:00

Have to start off with this...Bret looks at me this morning and asks me if I want help with my hair....ok, I was having a bad hair day but how bad is it when a guy that barely has any hair thinks you are having a bad hair day. Needless to say I took care of it myself...did you know you can fix your hair only moving your forearms. I am frustrated daily by how hard it is to accomplish the most basic tasks in life AND not use my arms...UGH!!!!!!

We went to the surgeon today and of course I was thrilled to pitch that stupid surgical bra in the trash. She was pleased with how things look. They are definetely closer together and higher. She was able to remove some skin from the bottom of each side. Honestly, I think bottom of my new foobs are going to look fabulous...too bad no one ever sees that side!! The scarred, dented area in the middle is better...I would be content if they would stay like this. I asked her if there was swelling and she did not think there was much if any. I asked this because after the last surgery I thought the center looked much better until the swelling went down....now we just have to wait and see. The other thing that is really bizarre is that my right foob gurgles....I have had a lot of odd things happen to my body on this journey but this one is odd.....I worried that there was a big air pocket in there but she said there is still some fluid that the body will absorb and I am hearing that fluid moving with the implant when I move.

I was wiped out when we got home....took a little nap and then took a long hot shower....my first "real one" since last Wednesday morning.....it felt wonderful!

The plan right now is to wear an underwire bra 24 hours a day....I go back to the surgeon in 2 weeks. Sticking an underwire into these incisions really sucks..enough said.

Thanks for checking in!

Sunday update...

2010-01-10T10:04:00.002-05:00

Still moving pretty slow around here. I am feeling ok just having some really bad pain around the right side incision. There are times it just takes my breath away and I just cannot get comfortable. I will see the surgeon tomorrow and should be able to move from the surgical bra to an underwire bra.

I haven't been out of the house since surgery....I am fine with just hibernating. Bret went out and picked up Bob Evans for breakfast for all of us. Today is the first time I have wanted to eat...I love their Banana Pecan Pancakes!!

Friends have been helping out and keeping Jillian busy...we really appreciate that. She and Bret went sled riding yesterday....she tells me she and Bret raced Joe and Jessica. She said the girls rode down on their Dads backs....wouldn't you love to see a video of that ride down the hill????

Thanks for checking in and stay warm!

Recovery is going well...

2010-01-07T21:56:00.002-05:00

Well, even though I still have some pain I am done with the heavy duty meds...can't stand the way they make me feel...my head is messed up, I am itchy and I was up most of last night not able to sleep. I am switching over to ibuprofen.

I am being very well taken care of. The kids had a snow day today so Jillian would come up to my room and read the "menu" to me. She would circle the items I wanted and then she and Bret would prepare the meal. I might just get used to that type of treatment. It snowed most of the day...I think we ended up with maybe 3 inches of snow. Kathleen let Jillian go sled riding with them and she had a great time.

It's so hard to not use my arms....things you never think of..reaching for something in the closet, turning the fan on and off, etc.

Thanks to everyone for the messages and offers to help....we are thankful to be surrounded by so many great friends and family!!!

Home and resting..

2010-01-06T19:42:00.002-05:00

I am home and doing fine...forgive me if thoughts are a little random here....it's the drugs.

My surgery got moved up at the last minute yesterday so we were at the hospital by 6:00 this morning. Nurse was able to get IV in on first try...good way to start the day. I was thrilled to have Beth (Carissa's friend) doing my anesthesia again...she is so sweet and funny and takes WONDERFUL care of me. Nurses were great. Surgery lasted about 1 1/2 hrs. Thankfully I don't remember much about recovery except saying I feel a little sick and that my lips were so dry.....no Elvis or other wacky characters were present in OR recovery. I had a really hard time waking up....I can remember the nurse commenting on that....got back in the room and took another nap and then it was time to pack up and hit the bumpy road home...ouch!! Bret does try but there is only so much you can do when driving in the city! I have beeen asleep all afternoon. The torture vest is still a torture vest....I swear doc puts me in a size 2...have you seen me???? Nothing on me has ever been a size 2! I will go back to see her early next week and will be able to switch to an underwire bra. I am pretty sore so I will take another pill soon and slip back into la-la land. Bret and Tyler are taking very good care of me....haven't seen Jillian yet, she is at tumbling with Bret and should be home soon.

Thanks for checking in and thanks for all the messages today of well wishes!! Surgery #10 is HISTORY! YEAH!

New Foobs for the New Year....

2010-01-04T19:19:00.001-05:00

Happy New Year! I hope everyone had a good holiday. We had a very nice one but I am glad to see the end of December and the start of a new year. It’s like we try to take 12 months of activities and pack them into the month of December…way too much stress for me….you know my motto, “NO DRAMA”!! Going to try to keep living that in 2010 also. We were able to get with both of our families during the month so it was great to spend time with everyone. The kids both seemed happy with their gifts so I guess for this year we can just say “mission accomplished”.

So have you made any New Years Resolutions? I try hard NOT to do that each year and that strategy works out pretty good for me….low expectations! I heard Dr. Oz on the radio today talking about weight loss. He said one of the easiest things to do is stop eating anything white…white bread, anything with white sugar, white flour…I will just stop right there because those few things probably make up 98% of my diet. Guess I won’t be trying that diet plan any time soon. Bret has started exercising and trying to eat better so I am hoping that once I get this surgery behind me I can get motivated to try to get into shape and eat better. If I don’t start something soon I am going to have to invest in a new wardrobe because nothing is going to fit…gotta love the perks of menopause!!!

I am as ready as I can be for surgery on Wednesday morning. I am scheduled for 10:30. I didn’t even ask how long it would be…I guess it depends on how much she thinks she can do once she gets everything opened back up. Bret will put an update on here once I am done. I am not really nervous about surgery. What I am dreading the most is wearing that HORRIBLE surgical bra. It really is torture but I have to wear it for a week or ten days so everything stays where it is supposed to be during healing. The most important thing once I am at home is not using my arms too much. I can look back at my last surgery and see things that I did that I shouldn't have done. Now I know the ramifications of doing those things so I am really determined to use my arms as little as possible and definitely not do anything that isn’t absolutely necessary. I can remember stretching really far to get something a few weeks after my last surgery. I would swear I heard a stitch or stitches pop and felt pain shoot across my chest. Once you start to feel better it’s easy to forget and just go back to doing things you normally would do but when you think about how moving your upper arms really does involve your chest muscles it’s easier to understand why it is important to give that area as much time as possible to heal internally as possible. Since this is my 9th surgical procedure at Good Sam Hospital I am being very optimistic that we won’t have any nausea problems with anesthesia. Carissa has even got me hooked up with the best anesthesia team so I am very happy about that. Let’s just hope that I don’t end up laying next to “Elvis” again in the recovery room as he repeatedly asks why he is having pain after his surgery…that once in a lifetime experience was plenty for this gal!!!

Thanks for the prayers that all will go well…I will try to do an update when “the fog clears”!!!

Surgery #10 is set - January 6th

2009-12-18T22:03:00.001-05:00

I have scheduled my revision surgery. It will be in the morning on January 6th. I have met with the plastic surgeon and she has some ideas of things she wants to try to make the dent go away and to try to move both side in towards the center. It’s going to involve a lot of internal stitching and recovery time. I think of it kind of like gutting a fish (not that I have ever done that) but she will basically open both sides, take everything out, try to create new pockets and then put the “stuffing” back in. We are adding 100 CCs to the new implants which really makes very little difference but we are just hoping to get as much fullness in the “crater” as possible.

I will be home recovering the month of January. It is very important that I do as little as possible with my arms. I knew this the last time around but I know I did things that I was not supposed to do…that is how you bust internal stitching….lesson learned!!! I no longer have a lap top so I guess it will be me and the iPhone just hanging out at home during January…sounds like a lot of fun, huh?

I am ready to get this over with and even if we are not successful I will go ahead and finish up after this surgery. Still need to decide about surgery for nipples (which my surgeon recommends) or if I just want to try to find someone that can do 3D tattoos. Plenty of time to worry about that later…Anyway, it’s been too long that I have let myself kind of stay in limbo with this reconstruction and I want to put it behind me once and for all. I had someone ask me if I still think or worry about cancer everyday. I would say most days it crosses my mind but I don’t spend near as much time worrying about it. I think that having such a difficult work situation occupies most of my thoughts. So I don’t spend all my time worrying about cancer but I am certainly not living a carefree, happy live (does anyone??). If stress can kill you my days are numbered!!!

The Middleton Family is pretty close to being ready for the holidays. Bret and the kids went out shopping last Saturday. Just having those few hours alone in the house seemed to get me back on track…well, almost! So the cards are done, 98% of the shopping is done (Vicki, you are not helping this number..), wrapping will start soon and cookies with the kids will be Wednesday. Jillian is very excited…she really doesn’t play with toys so she was even hard to buy for this year. I think she is more excited that we are making her a new playroom in Tyler’s old bedroom…(he is doing a makeover in the basement for his room). Since he had such a big bedroom she now practices her tumbling in there. I swear there are times that the pictures are going to fall off the wall and I am not surprised that none of the ornaments have fallen from the tree…..she seems to have endless energy and some days I think she has no concept of pain. She has enjoyed picking out posters and things to decorate the room. Bret is going to run cable in there so when she has friends over they will have somewhere to hang out…and I will finally get my TV back….somehow she has decided that my tv is really her tv….

We will have Christmas with the Middleton’s this Sunday and then we will visit with my family next weekend. It will be good to spend some quality time with everyone!

Well, enough for now. I hope everyone has a fantastic holiday. Take time to remember what the holiday is really about and spend quality time with those that really matter. Please say a prayer for all those that have lost loved ones this past year as they try to get thru their first Christmas without that special person.

Merry Christmas!

In a big, fat FUNK!

2009-12-10T18:44:00.002-05:00

Well, that intro says it all...I'm in a funk...don't know why, nothing has happened, everyone is fine...I am just in a funk. Part of me thinks it is just Christmas...I am just not a fan of all the commercial crap that goes on surrounding this holiday...the real reason for Christmas is forgotten by so many...even my kids easily forget. A few nights ago Jillian said "I just wish I could have presents every day"...I tried to tell her that I understood what she was thinking but that we all must remember what this is really all about. We were watching Charlie Brown Christmas and right then my favorite part came on where they tell the Christmas story and they all remember the true meaning of Christmas. She listened but she is like most other kids and went right back to wanting it all....

Anyway, back to me and my "issues"....the holiday season started off pretty good for me. I felt organized, had my lists, Christmas cards were ordered and plans were set but for some reason this week I am just over it....don't feel like doing any of it. This is where Bret has to step in and take over...he's done it before and he can do it again....the plan is there...just needs to be implemented.

Work is tough and I know that affects my mood a lot. There are so many days that by the time 5:00 rolls around I just feel like I have nothing left to give...I want to just crawl in a hole. Of course, that's not an option so you go thru the motions. Wouldn't it be nice if we all got paid to do something we really loved to do??? There are days that I think I really deserve that and I am sure many of you think the same thing...life is too short - do what you love - love what you do...blah, blah, blah. I wonder how many people ever really get that chance?

Ok, enough of the pity party...moving on.

My surgery is set for January 6th. No guarantees that our plans to "lift and shift" the foobs will help the big dent in the center of my chest but I am ready to try this once and then finish up with nips and tats and be done with this. I am not nervous about this surgery and I feel good about my decision. I will be home most of January recovering which means not doing anything with my arms. She will once again do internal stitching and it is important that I move as little as possible to keep the stitches from popping. I wasn't very good about this the last time...I swear I could feel them pop sometimes and now I see the results of those choices.

Well, thanks for checking in...sorry to be such a downer but that is just where I am right now. Tomorrow is Friday and that is a very good thing. I love my weekends and we have some good things planned for the weekend and I will love every minute of it.

Be Thankful!

2009-11-23T21:34:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the long time between updates….things have been CRAZY busy, but all is well.

September and October were crazy with the Komen Walk for the Cure and then a few friends and I hosted the 1st Annual Bunco for Boobies in October. This “little” fundraiser became quite an event…far more work than I think any of us imagined but it was a success. We raised over $2000 that night with a goal of raising $1000. Team Ta-Tas finished the year raising over $11,000 and finishing 5th overall for the Cincinnati area. We are already working on goals for next year….we want at least 100 team members so plan to join us next September if you can!!!

Sadly, JD lost his long battle in early October. We were able to go over for the golf benefit and spend the weekend. The outing was an incredible success. The town of Crawfordsville and the surrounding area really pulled together to support the Taylor family. JD left quite a legacy on this world for only being here a short time. The faith that he and his family showed all during this difficult journey never wavered and yet it was a powerful message for all that knew him. I have no doubt that many lives were changed because of this family and their faith. It is so hard to not question why JD….why someone so good and so young? It is times like this that you must rely on your faith to get you through. Please say a prayer for Sue, Jack and their entire family….they miss their sweet boy more than words can ever explain.

In other news I have accepted a nomination to become a member of the board for the Cincinnati Regional Breast Cancer Registry. This group works to study environmental and genetic factors in breast cancer for this area. I have only been to one meeting so far but found their area of study at this time to be fascinating. I am really looking forward to learning more and starting to contribute to such an important cause. There was certainly a great deal of media coverage last week about mammograms and self exams. I think the bottom line is if you have a family history of bc or you feel something or have any concerns talk to your doctor. For younger women the breast tissue is far more dense prior to menopause so mammograms have a very difficult time picking up cancers. Work with your physician to get the proper tests. Only you can advocate for yourself and remember that the majority of biopsies come back negative but if your gut says something needs to be checked out than make sure you get it checked out!

Health wise all is good for now. My 2 year check up was great and for now I will continue with follow ups every 3 months. I have finally made another appt with my plastic surgeon to talk about a revision surgery. I am thinking about surgery right after the holidays. The constant wrist pain that I was having has gone away….now replaced by constant aching joints all over…nothing that I can’t handle, but I now know why some people grunt or moan when they first get up and start walking….still trying not to moan or grunt out loud but some days I sure would like to just let it out….sucks to get old!! I think menopause is catching up with me….I can tell in the way my clothes fit that I am getting heavier in the middle which is the LAST place I need extra fat! Maybe I can get some cheap lipo when I go to get the foobs fixed….

I am starting to travel a little for work again and I love it. A few weeks ago I went to St. Louis and Kansas City and then I made a quick trip to New Jersey and NYC. That was my second trip to NYC…it really is a crazy place and so unlike anywhere I have ever been. It’s nice to visit but I would have no desire to live there…..the Cincinnati pace is just perfect for me! When I am on the road I am doing product training. I really love this part of my job. Interacting directly with our reps and customers re-energizes me…I love being out with the customer compared to just sitting behind a desk working on projects. I am hopeful that I will have the opportunity to travel more in the future.

Bret and the kids are fine. Jillian finished cheerleading and will be doing dance and tumbling during the winter. She also has started Girl Scouts (Daisies) and is really enjoying that. Tyler had some great experiences in Boy Scouts when he was younger and I am glad that Jillian will have those same opportunities. Tyler is continuing to work on his addiction to X-box. Enough said on that topic….have I told you how much I hate video games!!! He seems to have settled in well to high school…..I am thankful for that. Hard to believe that he will be getting his learner’s permit next summer….

So now we are in the holiday rush…I haven’t done a lot of shopping but I am getting lists together. I really am not a huge fan of Christmas when it comes to the gifts and shopping. It just seems like it’s all about gifts and getting stressed out trying to be everywhere…we have gotten too far away from the true meaning of the holiday…maybe that’s why I like Halloween so much…no gifts…just pick up a few bags of candy and you are set!! J

Thanks for checking in – I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving. We will be at home this year and I am glad that we won’t be fighting holiday traffic.

Take a moment to remember all the gifts in your life….we all have so much to be thankful for!

Two years ago....

2009-09-17T21:20:00.002-04:00

Two years ago the cancer was cut out of me!!! That’s right, I had my lumpectomy two years ago today….in my mind that is the day I became a survivor. Today is such a better day compared to that day. I can remember wanting to have the surgery over with but being terrified as to what they would find. The radiologist that I saw before surgery to inject the dye for the sentinel node had scared me so bad….he said there was so much pre cancer that he didn’t even need to inject the “marker” into the breast. In that moment I knew it was bad….I knew they were going to tell me that it was Stage IV and I was going to die. I would not see my children grow up…..I had not done all the things I wanted to do with my life and all that was going to be taken away when the final pathology report came in. I tried to remain strong but I clearly remember starting to melt down right there as he tortured me with needles….I just cried and cried while the nurse rubbed my cheek and tried to calm me down. Once the surgery was over then we had to wait….those days were hard and I tried to remain strong for my kids….Tyler said that he heard if you had breast cancer you would die…..Jillian just knew Mommy had a couple boo-boos….I was angry that my kids even had to hear the words breast cancer. When we got the call that the report was in and we were to meet with Dr. K. I was glad the waiting was over but still terrified as to what we would hear. Dr. K. once again became my hero that day. He told us that the tumor was 4 mms and the remaining areas were pre cancer…I was considered Stage I!! That was music to my ears…Bret and I were so happy…I remember driving up 71 and us both just feeling so good…we stopped for a wonderful lunch to celebrate the good news…..that’s when Bret asked me if I was going to go for double D implants….I guess that didn’t work out so well for him!! J

The journey after that day has certainly had its’ ups and downs but I can remember in those first few weeks thinking that making it to the two year mark just seemed so far away….but here I am today! I could have never gotten here without my wonderful doctors and our incredible friends and family….Bret has been the best nurse and caretaker that a person could ever ask for….definetely makes you think of “for better or worse” when you take those wedding vows. Our neighbors have repeatedly arranged for meals after surgeries and helped so much with the kids and just anything we needed…like installing a garage door during a frigid day in the winter. So many cards, blog messages, gifts, emails and phone calls that always made me feel so loved and supported…….all these things helped more than words can ever express….I know that as a family we are very fortunate to be surrounded by such a caring, giving and supportive group….we are BLESSED and will never forget all that you have done.

Today things are good….it has been a super crazy busy few weeks. Last weekend was the Komen Race for the Cure. Team Ta-Tas had over 70 registered team members and out of 381 teams we were the 5th highest fundraising group..we have over $9400 so far…I was so happy!! Kay and Vicki and their families came in town for the weekend which was so nice. Saturday was a perfect morning for the walk…they think they had almost 15,000 participants. I loved the walk being downtown this year…we crossed over the Ohio River and one bridge and came back into Cincinnati on another bridge. The survivor ceremony was in the Red’s stadium which was also very cool. I got called down onto the field when they announced the top fundraising teams….I was so proud of Team Ta-Tas…I walked down on that field just like a Rock Star!!! HAHA!! At the end of the ceremony they formed all the survivors into a large human pink ribbon in the stadium seats….hard to describe but it was incredible to watch it building on the jumbo-tron!

After the walk we went out for a nice lunch on the river with Vicki, Todd and Em. Then it was time to head home and get ready for a big party at our house….we were celebrating Bret’s b-day and Team Ta-Tas….we had around 65 people attend and it was the perfect evening. I can’t think of a better way to celebrate two years of being cancer free.

I will be going to Indy this weekend to visit Sue and family. JD is still in the hospital. Please continue to send this family prayers…their faith continues to inspire me every day. I love them all so much. It will be so good to spend some time with Sue…it has been so hard to be away from her during all of this…I wish my visit was under different circumstances but I am looking forward to spending some time with everyone.

I guess I will sign off by saying…”Hey Cancer, KISS MY ASS!!” I am a survivor!!!!!!!!!

Wow! $7136.00

2009-09-09T21:40:00.003-04:00

Team Ta-Tas has raised over $7000.00 so far....I am so excited...we have 68 team members. Out of 365 teams that have registered for this year's Cincinnati walk we are ranked #4....in our division (Friends and Family) we are #2. I am really looking forward to the walk this weekend. The weather forecast is great (last year we actually had a hurricane blow thru Ohio right after the walk!!) I am looking forward to my sisters coming down for the weekend. It will be great to be together and be walking in honor of our Mom who is now a 7 year breast cancer survivor!!! YEAH!!!

Our family has not quite reached our goal of raising $1000 - if you would like to make a donation please use the following link. I will post all the details from the walk next week so stay tuned!

http://www.komencincinnati.org/site/TRC/Race/General?pg=peditor&fr_id=1030&px=1152862

If you're wondering what happened to my hair...I just got a new cut and the gal that did it wanted to straighten it...I don't really think I will be able to fix it like this but it would be nice to have more options...

Please keep JD and the entire Taylor Family in your prayers...so many of you have asked about them and I appreciate you praying for them even if you do not know them. They are all so special to me. JD has had a rough few days and he is back in the hospital...please pray for them to relieve his pain so he can go home. He is an amazing young man.

It's almost RACE DAY!

2009-09-02T07:33:00.002-04:00

I can't believe the Komen walk is next week. Team Ta-Tas has raised over $5000 and we just signed up our 60th member...I am so excited! Preparing for the walk last year I was nervous...I didn't know how I would feel being around so many survivors...would it be sad....would I get upset...I just didn't know. It turned out to be an awesome day. It is a celebration of the brave women that fought the disease but could not win...it is a celebration of the women that continue to fight and the day enforces the message that we need a cure and we all HOPE for a cure. Our family has not reached our personal goal of raising $1000 so if you would like to sponsor us please use the link below. I can't believe I will be celebrating 2 years cancer free that week...I am so very thankful for that!

Thank you for supporting the fight against cancer!

Click here to visit my personal page.
If the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address:
http://www.komencincinnati.org/site/TR/Race/General?px=1152862&pg=personal&fr_id=1030&et=Pfmq81lwAApZilcYy97e2A..&s_tafId=7490

Happy Birthday to my Mom today...love you and hope you have a great day!

Please continue to pray for JD and family....they are awaiting news to see if JD will qualify for any drug trials. Their faith is inspiring and they have touched so many with their story...please pray for a miracle for this incredible young man and his loving family...

PLEASE Pray for the Taylor Family!

2009-08-26T22:33:00.002-04:00

The Taylor Family needs all the prayers we can offer...JD has been fighting this for so long..today they were told that the cancer has spread to his spine and it is not operable...he has been doing chemo for so long but the cancer has spread. I don't know a lot of details but they may look into other treatments. I just wish I could do something to make this all go away. Sue is amazing....her faith is incredible and I am blessed that she is my friend....I love her so much. Please pray for JD, Sue and Jack and their entire family...pray for JD to no longer be in pain...pray for their strength as they make decisions about the next steps....PLEASE PRAY FOR A MIRACLE!

Summer is winding down...

2009-08-19T20:11:00.005-04:00

I cannot believe we are at the end of summer already….the kids start school next week. Of course, Jillian is excited about being in 1st grade and reminded me this morning that she will now be on the big kids playground at her school…very important stuff! She turned 6 last Saturday. We had 16 little girls over for a pool party…it was a Hannah Montana theme so they were all little rock stars! Tyler will be a freshman this year and of course he is NOT looking forward to going back to school…he has had a pretty lazy summer so getting up so early will not come easy. He decided not to play football this year…I was very disappointed but he said he really didn’t like it. Several of the boys quit this year which is really too bad. Now their plan is to join the bowling team….interesting…..

Nothing new for me on the health front. Still having some spotting and cramping so I will need to call the doctor next week to see what she wants to do about that. I feel like my body has finally adjusted to the Arimidex so I hate the idea of changing to a new drug…I guess we will just have to see what she decides to do. I have not made any final decisions about revision surgery…I think I will probably stick with my original surgeon…I am thinking about surgery in January but no plans have been made.

Please continue to pray for JD and family. He was back in the hospital last night due to severe head and neck pain…they are trying to get his various meds adjusted because they feel like that is why he is feeling so bad. Please pray for their strength during this long difficult journey and pray that the doctors can make the right decisions to help him feel better soon.

The 2009 Komen Race for the Cure is less than a month away….I will be celebrating my 2 year cancerversary that week. As a family we are also very thankful that my Mom will be passing the 8 year mark since her breast cancer diagnosis. So far our team has raised over $3000 which is incredible. The race will be held in downtown Cincinnati this year. We will walk over one of the bridges that crosses the Ohio River and we will finish the event in the Red’s stadium so I am looking forward to a great event. We have 6 survivors signed up as part of Team Ta-Tas. I am looking forward to walking with them and our friends and family. If you would like to walk with us or if you can support our team by making a donation please use the link below. Bret and the kids and I will all be participating and we hope to raise $1000 as a family.

Thank you for supporting the fight against cancer!

Click here to visit my personal page

If the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address:
http://www.komencincinnati.org/site/TR/Race/General?px=1152862&pg=personal&fr_id=1030&et=s0mwUJaXcFfoAqUEJA8tyQ..&s_tafId=7490

Another opinion....

2009-08-05T21:35:00.002-04:00

I met with my plastic surgeon earlier this week. We talked thru all my questions and concerns and obviously she has her own opinions…now it’s up to me to decide what the next step will be. She was open to the idea of doing a revision surgery to lift both sides and add some additional internal stitching to push them closer together. Again, there is no guarantee that this will make any of the denting go away. All three surgeons agree on this point…they each have ideas on how they would do the procedure and they are all different. If I stay with my doctor we are looking at one outpatient surgery to “lift and shift” and then another outpatient surgery for skin grafting for the nipple/areola area…once all that heals then she would do the tattoos. If I had to make a decision today I would stay with my surgeon. She has been involved from the beginning and knows how I heal and what issues I have with scar tissue, internal pockets, etc.

As of right now I have no idea what I will do…I told her that I wanted to think about it for a few months.

I talked to the Gyn this week since I am still spotting…she said let’s give it a couple more weeks and then get together to talk about what should be done…I have changed some of the times that I was taking the different meds and that seems to be helping with the left wrist pain and the sleeping problems…going to sleep is still no easy task but I am getting more sleep than I was a few weeks ago.

Prayer concerns for this week are JD and family….July was a horrible month for them full of pain, nausea and unanswered questions which is terrifying. So far August is looking up and he is feeling better. Please pray that he is able to get back to feeling good and that life settles down for all of them.

I would also like to ask for prayers for Molly. She is the wife of one of my reps. She recently found out she is pregnant with their third child and right after that found out that she has breast cancer. She will be having a single mastectomy tomorrow and will begin treatment soon. It is amazing that a pregnant women can be treated with certain chemotherapy drugs that will not harm the child. I have a couple women in my online support group that have traveled this exact path and things have turned out just fine for them. Molly and her family are obviously thrilled about the baby but terrified about the cancer and the surgeries/treatment that will go along with it. I can not imagine how completely overwhelmed this family is but their faith remains strong. Please remember them in your prayers.

We Middleton’s are all fine….summer is flying by too fast but we are having fun. Jillian will soon be 6 and then it’s time for school to start….hope you are having a great summer!! Thanks for checking in.

Another opinion.....

2009-07-21T21:31:00.000-04:00

Today I had an appt with another plastic surgeon. He was very nice and really took a great deal of time to give me his opinion. Unfortunately, his opinion on how to improve these foobs is very different than the other two surgeons. It’s pretty complicated and I don’t have the energy to bore you with all the specifics. Bottom line is I like all 3 surgeons…they have 3 very different opinions on how to do the revision so the ball is in my court. I will see my original plastic surgeon next week so I am anxious to hear her opinion when I ask her about my revision options.

I hate to jinx myself but I think some of my symptoms are starting to get a little better. I have not had any cramping at all and the spotting is now very light. Not sleeping was about to drive me completely insane….I have to have my sleep and when I don’t I know I am not much fun to be around. I think I went over a week with just a couple hours of sleep each night and I was waking up several times which is something I have never done. This past Friday night I went to sleep around 12:30 and was shocked when I woke up and it was after 9:00!!! I am still having a very hard time getting to sleep but at least I am getting 4 hours which is no where near the 9 that I require and love but I am at least functioning again. The only thing that is getting worse is the pain in my left wrist. It’s very sore first thing in the morning and I catch myself trying not to use it more and more during the day. I am still saying as long as it doesn’t get any worse I can tolerate it….only 4 more years of this medication…..piece of cake, right?!

Other than that we are all fine. Tyler is down in Florida with a friend for the week….this is the first time he has gone on a trip with a friend and their family. He is having a great time but I miss him..We had a good weekend even though the weather was so crummy. We went to two different cook-outs and Bret took Jillian and her friend Kayleigh to King’s Island Saturday morning. We didn’t get to have our regular Sunday night pool party and I was just lost….I love our Sunday nights at the pool so hopefully more people will be in town this coming weekend and the weather will cooperate!

Please say a prayer for JD and his family. He had a horrible day yesterday when he went to do another round of chemo. They decided to admit him into the hospital again because he was having so much pain in his head. They were meeting with more doctors today to try to figure out what is going on but last I heard he is still not feeling good. I just pray that they can find some answers and get him back to feeling ok. This is so very hard on all of them and the only thing I can do to help them from here is ask for prayers…….

I would also ask for prayers for my friend Carl. He was my mentor when I first started at LSI. He had to have the lower half of his leg amputated last week due to an infection. His recovery is going fine but this will be such a huge adjustment for him physically and emotionally.

Without him, I am nothing,
But with Him I can do all things through
Christ that strengthens me."
(Phil 4:13)

A new plastic surgeon???????????

2009-07-13T20:00:00.005-04:00

I met with Dr. Butterfield today...she is quick and gets right to the point. I was nervous about going to a new doc but I do think plastic surgeons are a special breed...they are artists in a way so when you go from one to another and ask them to "fix" something they are going to always have opinions. My main issue that I wanted to discuss was the dent in the center. She felt like that could be "improved" by opening everything up again and re-creating the pockets that hold the implants...while doing this she would be lifting them and trying to pull them closer together. As for the rippling and pucker (dog ear) on the left breast she was not absolutely sure she could do anything about that....my breast surgeon (not plastic surgeon) was very aggressive in taking out all the breast tissue so I am left with VERY thin skin over an implant. She said we could use some Alloderm (cadaver tissue) to improve the pocket....she said that would be something she would make a decision on once she began the surgery. One thing I was not expecting was when she told me that the way my scarring has healed I may not be able to have tattoos done if I just wanted to stay with what I had. Because of this she said that if I did want a revision she would actually open the breast mounds with a scar thru the middle instead of using the old scars under the breast. She said she would be able to remove some of the heavy scarring across the middle of the breast and then we would see how that heals before deciding about tattoos....

She was very professional in delivering the information and was in no way trying to push me into surgery...she knew that I was in no rush and in the end just said call me if you decide to do it.

I was nervous going today but now I want to get a third opinion. This is what I should have done in the beginning when I was first diagnosed. Everything was just so overwhelming after meeting with the breast surgeon and then 3 oncologists I just wanted to get things moving. I know what I have today is ok but if I think that someone can do something to improve the dent I will do it.....I have given it some time and it still REALLY bothers me...the other issues she and I discussed today are things that are not that important to me because when I have clothes on no one sees these things. I do know that I want to complete the process so I definitely need to get another opinion on the tattoo issue. I am in no rush so now I can take the time to get the info and decide what is right for me.

I guess while I was there I should have asked about getting some work done on my face. When I picked up Jillian from daycare today one of the other kids looked at me when I walked in and said "who's Grandma is that?" Stopped me in my tracks...wanted to spank her cute little behind but instead I just laughed and walked away....don't you just love kids and their "no filter" comments??!!

The Gyn nurse called today to say that there were no signs of infection with my urine samples so still no firm answer on what is causing those issues....

Stay tuned .... more to come!

Good news!

2009-07-12T22:31:00.003-04:00

The surgeon called on Friday and let me know that there were no cancerous cells with my biopsy...for right now we are just going to wait and see what happens...they are not sure if my issues are caused by menopause or the arimidex.

Tomorrow I have an appt with a new plastic surgeon...just curious to get a new opinion on what my options are for revision surgery.

Too tired to write any more tonight...all is well, thanks for the prayers on the biopsy...I have dodged yet another bullet....

So now I can't stop peeing.....

2009-07-08T21:38:00.003-04:00

I went in for my biopsy today...that went fine...just like I remembered..OUCH! Since we were also doing my annual exam I had to answer a million questions and talk about any other issues. I told them that I have gone from a person that could "hold it" for hours to someone who has to pee "NOW"...anyway, when the doc saw that she was a little concerned that this could be caused by a bladder infection. I go back tomorrow for another test. As for the uterine biopsy she did say she was pretty confident that we won't find any cancer cells and then we will have to decide if these problems are caused by menopause or the Arimidex...

Never a boring day with me and medical issues...I will update when I get any results! Thanks for checking in.

Recovering from the long holiday weekend...

2009-07-06T18:02:00.008-04:00

Not much new to report…just trying to recover from a busy and fun holiday weekend. We spent the weekend at Mohican State Park with family and friends. Bret and I rented a boat on Friday to take the kids tubing and fishing on Pleasant Hill Lake…they really enjoyed it…our Jillian is absolutely fearless! On Saturday Jillian and I took Grandma and Papa Deel over into Amish country…it is so beautiful there and the food is so yummy! While Jillian and I were in Amish Country, Bret took Tyler and Ryan (Tyler’s friend) to go canoeing, ride go carts and play miniature golf. We all went to see the wonderful fireworks in Loudonville on Saturday night. It really was a fun weekend.

I will have my biopsy on Wednesday…no idea on how long it will take to get the results back…I am guessing it will be sometime next week. Please say a little prayer for me that they do not find any cancerous cells…

Other than that I would just ask for you to continue to pray for JD and his entire family…after stopping the seizures he has now been in the hospital since last week and last I read he should be going home tonight. His sodium levels are too low and they are having trouble stabilizing them. He will do another round of chemo tomorrow. This is a rough time for all of them…I am hoping they can resolve this sodium issue soon. They all mean so much to me and it just breaks my heart to see them struggle like this.

Thanks for checking in!

Why can't I just get a straight answer????

2009-06-30T21:07:00.004-04:00

I had a good appointment with Dr. B. today. We started off talking about the bleeding issue. The ultrasound report had not been read by the hospital yet but he told me he really was not too worried. He felt like it was a symptom of menopause or a side affect of the Arimidex that I began taking after surgery. He said that if it continues for more than a few more weeks I should check back in with him.

We talked about the hair loss issue. Got the same answer….either a result of menopause or side affect of the Arimidex…he said it was pretty common and that he had never seen anyone lose too much…I wish I would have said “exactly what is too much”???? Just four more years of this drug…UGH!!

The Arimidex is known for causing a lot of joint pain…we talked about that and I told him that the only issue I have noticed is that my left wrist is very stiff and painful in the mornings. Hopefully, this will be the only joint issue I have while taking this med…just won’t be playing too much tennis…good thing I don’t play anyway!!! J

I asked him if there was anything new with treatments or vaccines. He told me about a few new clinical trials he has started and told me that he does believe that we will see more vaccines coming out in the future to try to prevent cancer…I have read quite a bit about these and I am so hopeful that we will see more of these be developed and approved for use. As we were finishing up he said “you are doing great, I would not put you in any trial..you are cured”…I started to cry which I guess kind of confused him….he didn’t know if I was happy or upset about not going into any trials… I got up and gave him a big hug and told him how much I love to hear him say that I am cured. As he walked out he looked back and said “I don’t just say that to make you feel better…”

On my way home from work the surgeon called...it's never good when they call instead of the nurse....she said that the ultrasound showed the endometrial lining had increased from 8mm to 13 mms and that was too much of an increase that quickly. Thickening of the lining can be a sign of pre cancer or cancer of the uterus. It can also just be from the meds or menopause...UGH!! We are going to do a uterine biopsy on the 8th - this will check to see if there are any cancer cells present. She explained everything very well and said that she is very optimistic that we will NOT find cancer. I'm just sick of tests and more waiting but hopefully everything will turn out just fine...I had a uterine biopsy when I was first diagnosed. It is done in the office and it goes pretty quick...it's pretty painful but as long as it's quick and I don't get anesthesia I am ok with it.

It’s already been a long week and I am so ready for the long weekend. My heart has been heavy worrying about JD and family. They had a really rough weekend with seizures and were back and forth to the hospital a couple of times. When I got home tonight I heard that he had just had another 10 minute long seizure and they were taking him by ambulance to Indy. I hate that they have to go thru any of this but Sue has such amazing faith…she is certainly an inspiration to so many. Please keep them in your prayers!!!

Speaking of Sue…HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR FRIEND – I love you…she is a 4th of July baby!!!

The rest of the Middleton clan is just fine..looking forward to a fun 4th of July weekend with family and an extra day off from work!! YIPPEE!

Jillian lost BOTH of her two front teeth on Saturday…the permanent teeth were already pushing in behind so she will not be toothless for too long. We spent a lot of time at the pool and had a fun night at the Hulefeld’s on Saturday night. We played Rack-O – do you remember that game?? I KICKED their butts! I took all the fixins to make banana splits after dinner…they were awesome and the kids enjoyed it…a perfect summer treat! I missed the Strawberry Hill Sunday Night Pool Party – Maria planned a great Fiesta. I went out for Mexican with a group of friends but was able to stop by the pool afterwards for dessert.

I was very sad to hear about Nick Mayer passing away this week. My thoughts and prayers go out to his entire family. I will always remember us having our picture taken together at Eric’s graduation party and joking about being “Bald Buddies”…he was being treated for lung cancer….

Have a safe and fun 4th of July....

Menopausal Women Are Hotter!

2009-06-28T21:55:00.002-04:00

My new motto!

Nothing new to report...just came across this saying and liked it....

Ultrasound in the morning...Dr B on Tuesday...will report back in after that!

An unexpected ultrasound...

2009-06-25T22:03:00.005-04:00

Update: the ultrasound was cancelled due to the power being out last night...we had some rough storms roll in over the night. They finally called and told me to come at 7:30 on Monday. I kept searching with Dr. Google today and did see that it is very rare to bleed on arimidex but maybe that is what is going on...I see Dr. B. on Tuesday so hopefully he will make me feel better about all of this.

Please say an extra prayer for JD...not sure what is going on but I read that he is at the hspital due to a seizure tonight...I'm sure Sue and Jack are terrified...please pray that it is not the tumor.....

Well, I have to go in to the OBGYNs office at 7:30 tomorrow for an ultrasound. I could not believe that I was feeling like I was going to have a period this week....the headache, cramps, zits...all too familiar. The spotting started today...I wasn't too concerned but I thought I should check in with the surgeon...the nurse that took the call seemed very alarmed when I told her what was going on and said she would check with the doctor and call me back...within a few minutes they called back to say come in for an ultrasound at 7:30....great...now I am worried...of course "Dr. Google" just comes up with uterine cancer or other stupid cancers....time to quit the google searches!!! Have I said lately how much I HATE CANCER?????

So sad about Farrah today....she fought such a courageous battle...I wish she and Ryan would have been able to get married....Barbara Walter's said theirs was the greatest of Hollywood love stories..her suffering is now over and I am thankful for that....

Happy Father's Day...

2009-06-24T19:37:00.007-04:00

I hope all the Dad's out there had a fantastic Father's Day...Happy Belated B-day to my nephew Eric and my friend Penny!

Wow – summer is flying by…we have been keeping busy but having lots of fun. This past weekend was crazy…Jillian finished up her week of vacation bible school on Thursday so she was pretty tired by the time Friday rolled around. We had made plans on Friday night to attend the Midsummer Arts Festival and even though the heat index was 100 she and I still went and had a great time. Bret was down in Cinci at a Red’s game with some friends. After the art fest I dropped Jillian off at home with Tyler and went to a party for the Mother’s and More group….it was a couples dinner and I was amazed by how many people I had “connections” with. One gal grew up in Amherst which was very close to Vermilion and one of our big high school rivals. One of the husbands grew up in Crawfordsville where I lived for 11 years after leaving Vermilion and then another husband grew up in Stone Mountain, GA which bordered Conyers which was where I worked when we lived down there….who knew Cinci was such a melting pot!! Anyway, it was a great party.

On Saturday we packed up the van and headed over to Bart’s to celebrate Father’s Day with Bret’s family. Bret’s Dad and Nancy met us over there. We had a fun day watching the kids swim and play together and a nice cook out that afternoon. I had come up with a plan that we should all sleep out in tents….I don’t think anyone except Jillian was too excited about my plan but almost everyone had agreed that we would do it. All the kids were very excited as tents started to go up but Bart could not locate their family tent so a great deal of confusion was created trying to figure out a plan of who would sleep where??? I finally suggested that I would sleep with all of the kids in the Galberg Taj Mahal tent that we had borrowed from our wonderful neighbors. The kids all agreed to the plan (all the adults were more than willing to agree) so we started loading in air mattresses, inflatable sleeping bags, stuffed animals, favorite blankets and pillows, books, etc. While we were fixing s’mores, playing with glow sticks and catching lightning bugs Hollyn decided her tummy didn’t feel well and she should probably sleep inside…1 down…..it was finally time for us all to load into the tent. Once we got everyone in the tent and into their agreed upon sleeping position Chance announced that “he really didn’t like new things (sleeping in a tent) and since he didn’t have his night light he should probably sleep inside…2 down….Jillian and Paige and I settled in and decided we would each make up princess tales to share….we did that for a while and when I said it was time to quiet down Paige (the youngest of the group) decided she was afraid of the dark and should probably sleep inside…3 down….that left Jillian and I in the BIG tent with 2 queen size air mattresses, 3 blow up sleeping bags, 1 normal sleeping bag and a variety of blankets, pillows, stuffed animals and books. Jillian decided she wanted to get out of her inflatable bed and sleep with me so the two of us cuddled up in the corner of the tent and went to sleep….until the cat tried to attack me thru the screen…scared the shit out of me and since it was dark I didn’t realize it was Bart and Amy’s cat and it probably would have been much happier in the house just like all their kids! You all know how much I “love” cats but don’t worry…I didn’t kill it or anything like that…just did my best to “strongly encourage” it to go away….it came back…scared the shit out of me again…..by 6:00 the cat was pretty frustrated and it launched a major attack on the screen right by my head…TENT TIME WAS OVER!!! I grabbed my favorite pillows and Jillian and into the house we went. I went downstairs to the comfy guest bed and slept a few hours. Now I know why I don’t camp very often but I am glad that we did it…J

After loading everything back in the van it was time to head home. Once we unpacked we spent the afternoon at the pool and then that evening we had a wonderful Father’s Day Cookout with our neighbors….what a weekend but it really was a great one with many great memories!

Not much new with medical issues. I got new glasses a few weeks ago and I was amazed how nervous I was during the exam…I think it’s that stupid air puffer but you would think that after everything that I have had done to me this would be a breeze! I also went for my yearly skin cancer screening and all was fine with that. Next week I go for my three month check up with Dr. B. Last Wednesday marked 21 months that I have been cancer free….I am really looking forward to hitting that two year mark in September. I don’t have much to talk to Dr. B. about next week. The main topic will be hair loss…yep, I think I am losing hair again or it is thinning quickly. From my research I have found that it is a “not so common” side affect of the aromatase inhibitor (arimidex) that I started taking in May after having my ovaries removed. The plan is that I will take this drug for 4 more years which should reduce my risk of recurrence. Within the last few weeks I have really noticed my hair coming out in the shower and it’s starting to look thin in the front. This obviously does not make me happy….we will just have to wait and see what his opinion is next week…UGH, cancer…the gift that just keeps on giving….

I have finally gotten some motivation to start thinking about a revision surgery on the foobs and finishing them up with tats. I have made an appt with another plastic surgeon to get a second opinion on what my options are to fix some of the denting, rippling, etc. on the current ones. I have also been researching tattoos in place of nips….I don’t think there is anyone in Cinci that does this…I have found two permanent make-up artists that are now offering this service to breast reconstruction patients…they call it 3-D nipples because it basically is a tattoo of the nipple and areola but from what I have seen they just look like the real deal…it will be a while before I am ready for that stage but I know I just need to go ahead and get moving again…I just think it will make me feel better and not like I am still in the middle of all this…maybe some closure…

Well, that’s probably more than enough info on nips, tattoos, etc. Thanks for checking in on us. I hope everyone is having a great summer full of wonderful memories…cherish each and every moment…life is short!

A great message!

2009-06-16T20:45:00.003-04:00

"I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST BECAUSE HE GIVES ME STRENGTH"

Jillian was singing this on the way home from vacation bible school (pirate theme)...it was so sweet and it just made my heart feel good!!

A few pics from the weekend!

2009-06-11T19:47:00.009-04:00

It would appear that I have become a little addicted to snapping photos of our friends and family...I love it...can't wait to get home and get them downloaded. These are a few from last weekend. We had our neighborhool end of year pool/pizza party on Fri night. On Saturday we went to stay with the Hulefeld's down on the Ohio River...Sunday eve we were back and ready for our Sunday Night Pool Party ...a perfect weekend with wonderful friends!!!! I hope you enjoy the pics!

All is well!!

2009-06-10T21:58:00.003-04:00

Just a quick note to say all is well. So thankful today that JD is doing so great with his new chemo plan!!! I will type more later...too tired tonight...long day - 11 hour road trip up to northern Ohio to have a meeting with a customer...I just sat in the passenger seat and "yapped" poor Mark's ear off all day...poor Mark!! I did convince him that we needed to stop and eat at Dutch Heritage on the way back...YUMMY Amish cooking- two servings of cream corn and chocolate drizzled peanut butter cookies...my tummy is very happy tonight!!

Thanks for checking in!

A Freshman and a 1st Grader!

2009-05-31T11:26:00.010-04:00

The kids are officially done with school...wow! Hard to imagine another year behind us. Not much new to report....we had a close call with tonadoes on Saturday...they came way to close to our neighborhood but we just had some little limbs down and everyone was fine....more big storms heading this way right now so it may be a late night tonight.

We had a good weekend...Jillian had her last soccer game Saturday morning and then she went to a slumber party. On Sunday we attented a wonderful graduation open house at the Maxwell's and then we had a fun going away party for Jess as she prepares for her big trip Columbia...we will miss our sweet girl.

That's about all for now...thanks for checking in!

Need another day off!!

2009-05-25T18:31:00.016-04:00

I wish this was a 4 day weekend vs. a 3 day weekend....it has been a great weekend and I am not ready to go back to work. We started the weekend off with a night out to celebrate Beth's b-day and Reese's 40th b-day. It was a perfect way to start the long weekend. Saturday was HOT---I don't know what the temp was but I was out looking for flowers to plant at 8:30 in the morning and the sweat was just rolling off of me...how gross! How will I ever survive the hot days of summer when I sweat like this??? After hours of searching and driving to too many different places I finally found what I wanted...after that it was off to the pool. Saturday was the first day that it was open and the water was COLD...the kids just don't seem to mind it...we Mom's hang out on the stairs to stay cool. On Sunday we went to two cook-outs...again it was so darn hot....after the first cook-out I actually felt kind of sick and had a headache....I just couldn't seem to cool down. Our 2nd cookout was our first Sunday Night Cookout at the pool which it was of my favorite activities of summer. Bret was in charge of the grill so we got everything packed up and went to the pool....it finally clouded up a little and cooled off just a little. We had a great dinner (I made Death by Chocolate for the first time...YUMMY!!) and we had so much fun hanging out with friends. Jillian is such a little fish...her head doesn't even touch the pillow before she falls asleep after a day at the pool...she loves swimming! Beth worked with her in the deep end because she wanted to learn how to dive...there were lots of belly flops but she keeps on trying...I love her determination at times like this. We were the last ones to leave at 9 when the pool closed...the guys had started some kind of dominoes game at the pool and moved the game to our house...I was wiped out so Jillian and I went right to bed and let the guys have their fun.

Today has been a lazy day...Jillian just woke up from a nap...she never takes naps so I know the weekend has worn her out. The rain finally arrived which is a good thing for our new flowers.

I'm not sure how many of you watched Farrah's Story last week. I thought it was an incredible documentary about living life with cancer. There has been a lot of debate about all that was shown...the treatments, the vomiting, the pain, the fear and the realization that the cancer had returned. I thought the show was so well done and I think it is great that she chose to share her story. Unless you have known someone with Stage IV cancer I don't think that you have any idea of what that journey is like. I think the documentary showed that no matter how much money you have you cannot "buy" a cure. I think it was good that it showed the different types of treatment that she was able to receive in Germany because I hope that we all will continue to help raise money for cancer research in hopes that new treatments will someday be available in the US. It definitely was not an easy show to watch...her battle with cancer has been so much harder than mine but there were so many moments that I could relate to..the neausea, the hair loss, the fear - those are things that every cancer patient must unfortunately experience. She really wanted to show all of the emotions and fears that come with a cancer diagnosis. I have not heard any recent news on how she is doing but at the end of the show she was not doing well at all...I am hoping her doctors can come up with something to help her....she is an incredible fighter and she just wants to live.

It was great to hear that JD's MRI came back clean this week...he has been doing chemo for 6 months....it was so wonderful to see that the chemo is working to kill the cancer cells and keep the tumor from returning in his brain. It has been a long battle for them and it has not been easy...they all amaze me with their strength each and every day.

This week I have got to start exercising again....I was in a pretty good routine until this last surgery...I have become VERY lazy!! I have a nice walking trail across the street from where I work and I belong to the gym around the corner from where I work...I have NO excuses and I always feel better on the days that I exercise...I just hope the motivation comes back!!!

Thanks for checking in...have a great week!

Back to work...

2009-05-18T21:26:00.002-04:00

Made it back to work today...long day....I really would have liked a nap this afternoon. I think I need a new chair at work...my back just kills me when I am there.

Please say a prayer for JD and his entire family...they will get a MRI tomorrow - praying that it shows that the chemo has been working and that the tumor is not growing again. This is so hard on all of them...I wish I could do something...anything to make this a little easier on them.

Time for bed...I'm whipped....thanks for checking in!

Elvis, the Swine Flu and a very patient hubby....

2009-05-14T10:04:00.008-04:00

It's a rainy Thursday morning...I slept in until 9:30 and now I am in bed with my new laptop (which I love) watching the Ellen show.....I think I could get used to this schedule...ha ha..

There were some interesting things that happened on the day of my surgery (I might be the only one that really finds these things interesting) so I wanted to get them wrote down before I forget them. Please bare with me as I ramble on here....

The day of the surgery coincided with the peak panic of the swine flu...so where would you rather be than in a hospital??? EEK! We went in that morning and I didn't want to touch anything and kept pulling out my little bottle of hand sanitizer just to keep us safe. This was my first surgery at B North so I was nervous about being there anyway....I missed the comfort of Good Sam Hospital that has always taken such good care of me during my five other surgeries.

So the first big hurdle of the morning was going to be getting the IV started. I usually do not tell the nurse how difficult my veins are to access but I wanted someone that could get this sucker in on the first try. The nurse was very sweet and really took her time to try to find a good spot. I was afraid that she was going to try in between my knuckles but finally marked a spot on my wrist....we all took a deep breath and in she went....GOT IT - YIPPEE! So now what were we going to do for the next hour??? The IV process takes so long that I usually get rolled right off to surgery as soon as they can get it in. Bret and I just sat back and watched tv and Joe Biden and his big blunder almost inciting a panic about the swine flu....he was being slaughtered by the media..OUCH...you should be a little more careful before you make statements like that on national tv!!

Next the anesthesiologist came in and went over the plan to make sure I didn't get sick...she also had to go over that long check list of questions...do you have heart trouble - no, do you have pain - no, do you have a history of breathing problems - no, do you have trouble holding your legs up - WHAT-- WHOOAAA....I have never had this question...I busted out laughing and said..."oh, I guess no one had mentioned stirrups...great...oh well, Giddy UP!

Dr. L came in to see if I had any last questions and after that it was time to get rolling...literally....the rolled me out of my room and down to the operating room. The anesth. gave me something to make me sleepy right before we went into the room so I didn't have much time to check things out. I always like to look around, chat a little with everyone in there (hey -these folks are about to open me up...I like to butter them up a little so they take a little extra caution!!)

The next thing I remember is waking up in recovery. I had a very nice nurse with me and we went over the plan on how to rank my pain so she knew how much medicine to give me. She even put some vaseline on my lips which was a huge bonus (you all know I have a lip balm addiction so I had even considered trying to smuggle some in this time...)I was not feeling sick so I just tried to lay there and relax...that worked out fine until Elvis started yapping next to me....yep, I said Elvis...there he was laying there next to me...just a curtain between us. I heard the nurse say, can you tell me your name....Elvis...she giggled. I think his name was something like Elmer but he must have told her 50 times that he was Elvis and he was mad because someone (he couldn't remember who) had told him that he would not have any pain after his surgery....she just said "no one should have told you that"....he then went on to announce every time he burped and then told her that he had never had surgery in his life but he had been shot in World War I....now he was obviously old but she quickly said...are you sure you don't mean WWII???? Nope, it was WWI...ok, so this is the part I hate about recovery. I lay there and just try to get my head straightened out and try to wake up enough so they will get me out of there....the last thing I needed was to listen to Elvis!!! I guess it was better than my last surgery....all I remember is an old man close to me just moaning the entire time....that got old fast!!

So, finally get of there and back to my room...the meds they give you make your mouth EXTREMELY dry....I always want a Pepsi when I come out of surgery so they brought that and some saltines to get something on my stomach....trying to eat saltines with a mouth that dry is almost impossible so I kind of have to do a Pepsi/cracker mixture...YUCK! The nurse tells me that as soon as I feel awake enough and can go pee one time I can go home...ok, no big deal...that shouldn't take too long....WRONG!!! I guess the bladder is affected during this surgery and it makes it VERY difficult to pee...well that's just great because I already have "pee on demand" issues (this is where Peggy giggles if she reads this). I drink my Pepsi, then another and also have the IV still going thru me....ok, I think I can do it. Bret helps me in there ....I can do this....wait, try, wait, try....NOTHING! Back to the bed....drink some more...try again...even try reading a magazine this time.....nothing. I want to go home...COME ON - PEE ALREADY!!!

Shift change occurs and I get new nurses....they say if I can't pee soon they will need to do a bladder ultrasound...ok, my abdomen hurts so the idea of an ultrasound does not sound pleasant...I tell them to speed up the IV and bring me more water! So again I wait, try....nothing! They finally come back and say it's time to do the ultrasound...it really wasn't painful and it showed my bladder wasn't even full yet so she said I would probably have to drink more to be able to do it...so back to the water. Finally, I try and VICTORY!! I was able to pee...let's get out of here. Now here's the part about Bret....during that entire time he never once said....do you want to try again...maybe you should drink some more....maybe you should stay in there and try a little longer...I was getting impatient and yet he never once tried to push me...Wow...am I a lucky wife or what....he takes such great care of me...and has to be the most patient man in the world!

We packed up and off we went....time for pj's and lots of sleep! I have to say that my first surgery at Bethesda North was a good one....all of the staff were very nice and took great care of me.

A little trivia (just for you Kay!)....how big are ovaries??? I read something that said they are about the size of almonds...interesting...I would have thought that they were bigger than that! No wonder they can suck them out thru the belly button!

Tuesday update...

2009-05-12T11:42:00.006-04:00

I have finally been able to sleep....I have slept in until 9:00 the past few days...wow - feels good. Not sure that will work with my back to work schedule next week!!! I have very little pain now with the incisions. The one in my belly button was the one that seemed to hurt the longest...I think that is where she did most of the work...OUCH! I have been sitting outside and reading. I love Nicholas Sparks who I just discovered so I am addicted to his books. He writes romance novels...you might have seen The Notebook or Nights in Rodanthe which were two of his books that were made into movies. I find it interesting to read romance novels written by a man but his stories really are incredible....I think The Notebook is the greatest love story I have ever read....

Our weekend was nice. Kay and Dean were in town to help their nephew with some remodeling at his home over on the East side so it was great to spend some time visiting with them. On Sunday Bret and a few other guys put together a great Mother's Day dinner. It was a beautiful day....it was so nice to let them do all the planning and just show up and EAT!

I have included a few pics from our weekend. Mom, the beautiful flowers are the roses that you and Dad sent...thought you might like to see how nice they were...Thanks again, I really enjoyed them!!

Happy B-day Vicki

2009-05-11T21:41:00.004-04:00

Happy Birthday to my big sis, Vicki! I hope the next year is a great one for you...you deserve it!

Prayers for JD this week....his counts were down today so chemo for this week is delayed...hopefully they can do it later this week...he is such an amazing your man and Jack and Sue are navigating thru all this cancer crap so well....a beautiful family that I have been so blessed to know for many years!!

Happy Mother's Day

2009-05-09T23:25:00.002-04:00

Happy Mother's Day to my Mom and all the other special Mom's out there...I am blessed to know a lot of good ones!

Love you Mom!

It is a blessing to be a Mom....sure there are rough times and days that I think I have absolutely no parenting skills but I wouldn't trade this "job" for any other...

Follow up with doc...

2009-05-08T13:39:00.006-04:00

I saw the surgeon today for my follow up. She said the incisions were healing well. I told her that my hot flashes have turned into "rolling boil" episodes...they are more intense and last longer....I was hoping she would say that this was just things getting adjusted after pulling out the ovaries but she said they will probably be this way....great...just what I wanted to hear! She adjusted one of my meds so we will see if that helps..

I told her I was surprised how long it was taking me to get my energy back. She said that most patients notice much improvement during the second week after surgery...just seems crazy that this type of surgery would be harder to recover from than something like a mastectomy.

So, I am doing what the good doc ordered....resting with my feet up. Bret and the kids got me a laptop for Mother's Day so I can just sit here on my lazy butt and do some surfing....

I hope that some of you had the chance to watch the Micheal J. Fox documentary "Adventures of an Incurable Optimist" last night. He really is inspirational. He has such a wonderful attitude about life...he doesn't look at his disease as taking something away from him...he keeps a positive attitude still lives a very full life. In the show he interviewed other people that had very optimistic attitudes....Lance Armstrong was one of them. Anyway, I just found myself very inspired by him and hope that you had a chance to see the show... a little optimism for all of us could go a long way right now...

Pathology was clear...

2009-05-04T13:12:00.003-04:00

Good news....Dr. Lewis called to check in after surgery and said the pathology came back clean...the crazy thing is that she called me on Saturday and I didn't remember that she called until today....people that are drugged up should not use phones is the lesson here.

Anyway, I am feeling ok...just amazed at how little energy I have. I went out of the house for the first time today since Thursday...I was able to make one slow trip around the house...came back in and started having bad hot flashes. The pain is very manageable. Nurse Bret is still taking great care of me and keeping the kids on track while I lay in bed and nap....what a good hubby I have..

Thanks to the Harmon's for a wonderful dinner last night...your meatloaf rocks!! Thanks to everyone else that has sent cards, etc.....we are so blessed to be supported by so many wonderful people.

Signing off for now....nap time!

A few pics to share from last weekend!

2009-05-02T21:24:00.010-04:00

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These are some of my favorite pics that I took last weekend when we had the perfect weather. After soccer, Jillian and I went to get lots of snack fooods, drinks and a slip & slide to play with that day. It was so much fun to see all the kids come out to play in the water...Tyler and his pals even got in on the action. I think everyone had a lot of fun that day.

That evening Bret and I went to a b-day party being held for 3 great friends. They had a fancy karaoke machine set up in their basement....it didn't take long for bret to take over the controls....I finally had to leave around 2:30...they were giving me a headache....I think he has found his new passion in life...EEk! It really was a perfect weekend...thanks for looking at our pics!

Hangin' in...

2009-05-02T11:53:00.003-04:00

Just wanted to do a quick upate in between naps....I am feeling ok....I think the gas pain has ended...that kind of felt like having a huge butcher knife permanently stuck in my right shoulder blade....now I just have the pain around the belly button which is where the ovaries came out. The pain meds were driving me nut....for some reason they were making my face and upper body itch like crazy so that was keeping me from sleeping...now I am just using the ativan to try to make up for the sleep.

My first experience with B North Hospital was fine....everyone that we came in contact with was very nice.

Bret and the kids have been taking great care of me so I am very thankful for that. Thanks so much to Heather for keeping Jillian the night after the surgery and thanks to the Galbergs for the yummy soup last night.

My heart is so sad because I heard that an old friend, Steve Cox, passed away suddenly on Thursday morning at home. Steve and I worked together for many, many years in Vermilion, Crawfordsville and even long distance when I was in Georgia...he was only 52...too young to die....my prayers go out to his entire family during this difficult time.....

Thanks for checking in....I will post again when my head clears up a little more..

6:00 pm update

2009-04-30T18:02:00.001-04:00

So far, so good, we got home about 4:30. She's resting now. Thanks for checking on her

Things went well

2009-04-30T11:57:00.000-04:00

Jan's surgery is over, doc said things went well and expects a quick recovery. More later

Just trying to make it to Thursday..

2009-04-28T20:15:00.007-04:00

Update: the antibiotics and MucinexD are doing their job...I am feeling a lot better tonight...should be all systems go for tomorrow. They called and moved me up an hour so surgery should be at 10....she said it should take about an hour and then its just a matter of how long it takes me to come out of anesthesia...that's usually a long process.....thanks for the prayers!!!

8:37 pm - I just heard about Stan Mason passing away after a 3 year battle with cancer....my prayers go out to Lissa and their entire family during this very sad time...my heart breaks for all of them....

It's been a long week already....after a perfect weekend I started getting sick on Monday....as the day went on my throat was killing me, I started coughing, my face hurt from clogged sinuses, my ears started aching and I started getting aches all over...it just seemed to come on so fast! After Jillian's soccer game I went straight to the Urgent Care clinic thinking I would get an antibiotic for a sinus infection and be on my way. Unfortunately, the doc there had other plans...he said he thought I was getting the flu and said go home and rest...I told him about surgery on Thursday and he said "maybe you will need to cancel...just wait and see". Last night was miserable....I couldn't take anything for the pain because the anesthesiologist doesn't want you to take any tylenol or anything like that for several days b4 surgery because it can cause bleeding issues during surgery. I called my ENT first thing this morning but their first available appt was at 3:30 today...I spent most of the day napping and just feeling like crap. When I finally got in to see Dr. L. he said it was a sinus infection and gave me an antibiotic...he said that it should hopefully clear things up b4 surgery on Thursday. Hopefully, I will be able to get back to work tomorrow and be better for surgery at 11 on Thursday...this is certainly not how I thought this week would go....

If surgery is a go on Thursday Bret will post something once it's over....if it gets delayed I will post an update....

Prayers going out to JD and family this week....another round of chemo is history!

Back from the beach...back to the real world....

2009-04-21T18:54:00.005-04:00

Wow – what a vacation…I just don’t think it could have been a more perfect girl’s getaway! We went down to Venice, Fl for 4 nights. The weather was perfect…low 80s and no humidity. Since Spring Break was over there were no crowds…it was kind of like having a private beach and the pool was never crowded.

Venice is “famous” for having the highest concentration of fossilized sharks teeth on the beach….it was interesting to see people walking along with their “sifting baskets” all looking for teeth…Beth and Penny were pretty good at finding them…I lacked the patience to stay out there and keep sifting but they were kind enough to share!! On Saturday we attended the Shark Tooth Festival….a shark lover’s paradise…I was more into the other crafts and of course FESTIVAL FOOD!!!

We didn’t spend all our time lying in the sun…by the way; did you know they now make sunscreen with a spf of 80??? I am happy to report that it works well…you all know how well I tan…NOT!! It was fun to get out and explore the area. We ate at some great restaurants and found a few of those hidden away little dives that have great food, awesome frozen girlie drinks and of course, a wonderful view.

We didn’t have a schedule…I think it was the most relaxed I have felt in a VERY long time. The sights and sounds definitely help….beautiful sunsets, turquoise blue water, dolphins swimming by, palm trees gently swaying in the breeze, falling asleep to the sound of the ocean thru my open window, morning coffee (ok, so I drink Pop…gotta get that caffeine some way) or evening cocktails and appetizers on our balcony overlooking the ocean and pool.

Most of the people we were around in Venice were retirees….we were definitely the young chicks (that was a nice change) in the crowd!! Beth and I met some nice ladies at lunch on Thursday that just happened to be from neighboring Loveland, OH. They were able to give us some tips on activities in the area. It’s just fun to meet new people like that…we met some very nice people in the different shops and restaurants we visited. Lots of the ladies there are very much into the “bling”! I have never seen so many hats, shoes or just clothes in general with sequins, beads or metallic fabrics. Beth and I had fun on our first day trying on all types of sun hats to find the perfect one for each of us…later in the week I felt like I was really starting to “fit in” when I got my sun visor with gold trim….I kept finding myself being drawn to “the bling” so maybe that’s a sign that I will be down there “in my later years” fitted from head to toe in sequins and beads!!

Going back to Florida and walking on the beach brought back memories….the last time I was on the beach in Florida (July ’07) was right before I was diagnosed….it was during that trip that I felt the pain in the right breast for the first time…I remember walking along the water’s edge and just thinking that there was no way it could be cancer. I was by myself that evening and for some reason I can clearly remember all the things that went thru my mind…..on one hand I was not too concerned but on the other hand I just had this nagging feeling that something in my life was really going to change…I guess we all know how that story went….

Anyway….this weekend was so much fun and full of a lot of laughs…I have many great memories to cherish…I am so thankful that we were able to take this trip. I bought a t-shirt that says “I love the nights I can’t remember with the friends I can’t forget” – my new favorite!!

It was a nice chance to get away before surgery next week….I do my pre-surgery testing tomorrow morning – just ready to get it over with and behind me!

Thanks for checking in....I hope everyone has a good week!!!

A Fun Family Weekend!!!!

2009-04-13T20:37:00.012-04:00

What an awesome weekend!! We went to Vermilion to be with my family...we spent one night at Kalahari Waterpark Resort....my niece, Amanda, works there so she was able to make our visit perfect! We had a great guest room and a wonderful cabana inside the waterpark. We all had so much fun playing all day and being together. This hotel is really unbelievable....from the waterpark, to the game room and all the special activities there was never a dull moment. On Sunday we went to a yummy lunch with Vicki, Todd, Em, my Mom and Dad. I wish I had more pics of everyone to post but too many of them turned out very fuzzy in the waterpark...BUMMER! I hope everyone had a nice holiday!!

I am so thankful to be able to spend time with my family like this...

Prayers going out to JD and family this week!!!

Countdown to surgery #6

2009-04-06T18:55:00.011-04:00

Six surgeries in 19 months...UGH!! Cancer is certainly a loonnggg journey. I met with Dr. B last week and after going over my "ovary issues" he said it was time for them to come out. He said that my symptoms could be a couple of differnt issues..it is obvious that the Lupron injections that I have been getting will not keep these little buggers shut down. I could be having symptoms of coming out of chemopause, it could be trouble caused by the tamoxifen which does have a slight risk of causing ovarian (or uterine..can't remember) cancer or signs of other trouble with the ovaries. Breast cancer and ovarian cancer can be linked together but since I tested negative on the genetic test there was not an immediate need to remove the ovaries. We have talked a couple times about taking them out but since I was not having any problems he and the ob/gyn felt that it wasn't necessary. He said he would call my ob/gyn and let her know that he wanted me to have surgery....it was not something we should put off any longer. Other than that, my visit with him was good...no other issues!

I met with the ob/gyn on Friday. Surgery is set up for April 30th. It is called a Bi-lateral laparoscopic oophorectomy...It is outpatient but I have to have general anesthesia....I asked for other options like maybe an epidural but she said she is not able to do that...it's kind of interesting why not....when the surgery begins they fill your abdomen with gas to give her a clearer view with the camera she uses. Once the abdomen is expanded it actually pushes your stomach up against your lungs....this could potentially cause breathing issues so she needs the patient fully sedated with a breathing tube. You all know how much I HATE general anesthesia but this sounds like a pretty good reason to go with it. The surgery is laporascopic so I should only be off work 2 weeks. She makes an incision in the belly button and two other small incisions in the abdomen. From what I have read of other patients experiences with this surgery it is pretty simple....the main complaint is horrible pain for a few days after the surgery in the shoulder blade area...this is caused by the gas that remains in the body. I guess it kind of pushes higher up into the body and causes the pain in the shoulder blades....

This surgery will put me into permanent menopause....they say the first few weeks will be pretty rough because it's kind of like slamming into a brick wall with the hormones going crazy...poor Bret, huh?? The hot flashes could get worse or just stay the same...that is something that seems to differ with everyone. The good thing is the ovaries will be gone so that will definetely stop them from producing estrogen which feeds my type of cancer.

So enough about surgeries....let's talk about something good. Our weekend was perfect! Bob, Cheryl and Paige came over on Saturday from Crawfordsville. We had a perfect visit with them...the weather was so great so we were able to be outside all day and even ended the evening with s'mores over an open fire. We hated to see them leave on Sunday but not long after that my Mom and Dad stopped by for a quick overnight visit. We had another perfect day of just being outside and enjoying the spring weather. We had a cookout and then Mom and I just hung out on the porch and watched the storms move in and listened to the rain falling....I hated to see the weekend end...we love having company....hint, hint to everyone!! COME FOR A VISIT - King's Island opens this month and there are lots of fun things to do in Cinci!!

All is well....

2009-03-29T18:54:00.006-04:00

Well, I am feeling much better this Sunday than I was compared to last Sunday....besides all the physical side affects of raging hormones the emotional craziness was much worse....let's hope we don't have to do that every month! I will see Dr. B. on Tuesday this week to go over all this and see what my options are.

Other than that we are all fine. Tyler had a great b-day. I have included a couple pics from that night...I love to see him and Jillian having fun together like that. She really knows how to "push his buttons" most days so we don't get too many pics like that! I took her to see Charlotte's Web at the Children's Theater downtown yesterday so that was fun to do together. I was glad to see the weekend get here...Bret was sick with a pretty bad cold early in the week and then Jillian took her turn with the virile infection that seems to be running rampant around this area...she was just down for 2 days but you could tell she was not feeling well...let's hope we have seen the end of winter viruses around here for this year!

On Saturday afternoon I had the pleasure of attending a Next Steps ASHA Tea Party. A variety of products ranging from purses, totes, table linens, jewelry, notecards, etc. are produced in Dhaka city Bangladesh by poor teenage girls and women working with the help and ecomonic assistance of the Scottish charity - Meider Jonno Asha (Hope for Girls). These products are shown in a home setting and sold at very reasonable prices. All of the profits go towards continuing the work with the girls in Bangladesh. The charity started with a goal of bringing literacy to this poor and underpriveledged group and now they are able to bring programs to them to help them get into school and learn to become independant. All of the products they had made were just beautiful and it was hard to choose. I ended up with a small handbag and several handmade cards....the cards were really my favorite because each was signed by the young woman that designed it....I look forward to sending them to special friends for special occasions. This was a great chance to learn about a new non profit organization that is doing amazing things for these women. There was a good turnout so I think quite a bit of money was raised which will help bring new programs to them and help them to improve their craft...when you hear about how these young girls live it just makes you so thankful for what we have and what we must not take for granted...

Have a good week...prayers going out to JD and family this week...love you guys!!!

A year later....

2009-03-22T20:35:00.007-04:00

This weekend last year I was getting ready for my mastectomy...it has been a tough few days. I guess I am surprised at how much I keep thinking about it. I don't regret my decision and really never have but I guess it's just hard to see where I am a year later with the reconstruction. It has been my decision to slow things down and put off more sugeries but maybe that wasn't the best decision..maybe it bothers me more than I really think. I know..."I look fine in clothes" but these scars, dents, ripples and all the "other" issues are something I have to see EVERY day. Oh well, enough about that. I think my hormones are going crazy so that probably doesn't help the "mental state". I think my body is attempting to come out of "chemopause"...chemotherapy induced menopause. For the past couple of months I have been having all the symptoms that I used to have before my periods. The Lupron shots are supposed to prevent this from happening but it feels like there is one heck of a battle going on between the Lupron and my ovaries. I will see Dr. B. in April so we will need to talk about going to a monthly shot or just stopping the shots completely to see what happens. When we discussed this at the end of the year he had said that if we let my ovaries start functioning again I would probably have the same problems that I used to have every month and then we would talk about getting just the ovaries out or doing a hysterectomy....I hate the idea of more surgery but the horrible headaches and cramping I have had these past couple of months are motivation to get it done....

On a happier note...Tyler turns 14 on Tuesday...Wow...hard to believe...he is so much taller than me now and his voice is starting to change. Sometimes I look at him and just find it hard to believe how old he is getting...he has been moving very slow today (even slower than usual)....his football team along with the Kings HS football teams delivered 20,000 bags of mulch yesterday! Yes, I said 20,000! That is their big fundraiser for the year...he was whipped when he got home last night! I have included a pic that I took of him Friday night...his bowl that he made in art class was selected to be on display at the Night of Knights (Kings Jr High & High School night to showcase their art, music, etc). Thankfully, the weather was perfect for them...we have had a beautiful weekend here. We finished it off by going over to the Galberg's for s'mores tonight...YUM! Jillian and I actually had 2 desserts tonight...she and I baked a Peach Cobbler Cake this morning...I don't recommend it....too peachy. I asked her last week... "what is your favorite thing to do with Mommy?" - answer - "bake a cake!" So of course, I had to make sure we baked a cake this weekend....it really doesn't matter what it tastes like, it's the time spent together that really matters....

Monday update....

2009-03-16T07:16:00.002-04:00

Weekends just go by too fast...here we are again at the start of another work week...UGH! We had another little taste of some spring weather here this weekend so that was nice. I had Bunco on Saturday night which is always a lot of fun and yesterday a group of us took our daughters to see the musical Annie. It was a nice surprise for me to run into one of my friends that I had met during breast cancer treatment so I invited her to come and sit with us and that gave us a little time to catch up with each other. Thankfully, she is doing really well after her treatment and surgeries...just trying to find the new "normal"....

Other than that we are all fine which is a blessing every day! Prayers going out this week to Sue, JD and family - we love you guys!

Have a good week!

A little taste of Spring!!

2009-03-08T13:36:00.013-04:00

76 degrees!! Wow, it's about time we had a little warm weather. Jillian had her recital for tap and ballet so the weekend was full of things to do for that. The entire recital was very cute and she loves to be on stage!!

Kay came down for a visit while her family went to play in the mud....we started our morning off with a walk around Landen lake then shopped, sat in the sun and went out for a little last night to dance after the dance recital and ice cream with Bret and the kids. It was a great weekend and nice to spend the time together!!!

Happy 21st Birthday to my niece Amanda this week....wow - I can't believe you are going to be 21...it just doesn't seem possible that the first "baby" in the Deel will now be a "legal adult"!!

More silicone & saline than Dallas has seen in a long time!!

2009-03-02T19:05:00.005-05:00

Looking down from the 11th floor onto the expo area

The expo area of the conference

The Party Bus..coming back from the Red River Dance Hall

This is as close as I got to the mechanical bull...kind of hard to see him..

Angela and I before dinner on Saturday

These are some of the gals from my online support group

Before I talk about the conference I want to say what a wonderful relief it was to hear that JD’s MRI came back clear on Friday…thanks to everyone that said an extra prayer for all of them last week!

The breast cancer conference was an incredible experience. There were over 800 attendees…probably between 150-200 were from my online support group. It was so great to finally meet so many of these women in person that I have talked to online since my diagnosis…everyone was just happy to have the chance to attend and wanted to relax and have fun together…kind of like a big family reunion or class reunion except I don’t think too many foobs are “flashed” at those kind of events like they were here….in private of course!!!

The medical sessions were great. I learned more about what my options are for revisions on my foobs and also had the chance to talk to a lot of other girls that had issues very similar to mine. On Sunday morning I attended a great session that focused on the stress and anxiety that young cancer patients experience and how very different our cancer experience is compared to someone diagnosed at a much older age. The speaker gave several examples of situations she had helped patients with and it just helps to know that my fears and anxieties are very normal in this type of situation.

They had an expo set up that we were able to attend in between sessions…there were all types of vendors selling pink ribbon stuff, medical stuff like lymphedema sleeves, wigs, and bras and there were all types of non profit organizations that offer support to breast cancer patients. There were also several companies there that provide the different medical tests like the genetic testing, mammograms, and Oncotype. I spent a great deal of time with one of the reps that works for Genomic Health that is the only company that provides the Oncotype test. This is the test that completely changed my treatment plan because my score came back so high (88 out of 100). Poor Dr. B. has had to go over the way this test is performed and what that meant about my tumor at least 10 times but this rep was able to pull out several slides to really help me understand the test procedure and my results…of course I had to ask if anyone had a score as high as mine….that 88 has always scared me to death. He was able to show me a graph and there have been very few women out of the thousands that have been tested that scored higher than me….2 had scores of 100….the most important thing for me to remember is that I am lucky that this fairly new test was available to me and that insurance approved for me to have it (my tumor did not meet the current criteria in size to be tested). If I had not had the test I would not have been given chemo and their results show I would have had over a 30% chance of having a recurrence due to the aggressiveness of the tumor. The rep was very interested in my case and asked me if I would be interested in helping them educate patients and healthcare providers on their services. There are still oncologists out there that base treatment decisions solely on tumor size and I am an example of how wrong that thought process could have been for me. He wants Dr. B. to contact them to go over my case and I am to contact them about using my story on their informational website/brochures, etc. I still wish I didn’t have that score of 88 but maybe my situation will convince more doctors to have newly diagnosed patients with VERY small tumors tested.

Obviously, the best part of the weekend was having the chance talk with other survivors. We were given a lot of time to do that and the Hilton Anatole is HUGE so there was always a group gathering somewhere. The Friday night excursion to the Red River Cowboy Dance Hall was very entertaining! I haven’t seen that many cowboys since Bret and I went to Oklahoma shortly after we were married. These folks take dancing way to serious! Later at night they kind of mixed things up and played some different types of music so everyone was able to get out and dance….At one point we probably had 25 survivors up on a long narrow stage gettin’ their groove on….what a sight. Many girls tried their luck with the mechanical bull…it was hysterical to watch them and that is what I did…I had no interest in taking a turn!

On Saturday night after dinner they had a DJ so again everyone had fun dancing…after that Patty Brisben (founder of Pure Romance) hosted a “Girl’s Night In” Party. I have never been to one of those parties but it was hysterical…she gave away lots of “toys” after explaining them. It was just so much fun to see everyone relaxing and having a great time.

A funny thing did happen on my way to Dallas. I bumped in to Dr. B at the Delta counter at the airport. The last time I had seen him was when I found the lump. He asked about how I was feeling and then asked some question about the incision…without even thinking I just pulled my shirt open to show him and he said “good, looks like it is doing ok”….right then I looked over his shoulder and saw some guy giving us the double take like what in the world is she doing flashing this guy here in the airport!! Ooops…I guess I am just so used to seeing him in his office and I am always willing to show anyone my new battle wounds….guess I should think twice before doing that!!

Every night was a late one and the mornings started too early but I wouldn’t change a thing about the weekend. I formed new friendships with women from all over the country and Canada…some were Stage I and some were Stage IV…some were newly diagnosed while others had been fighting for years but we all had that “connection” that forms an instant bond. I look forward to continuing to grow those relationships with these incredible women. I am already looking forward to the 2010 conference in Atlanta!

See ya! I am going to "Breast Camp"!

2009-02-25T18:26:00.005-05:00

Well, it's really not breast camp but that's what some of us jokingly call it. On Thursday eve I am flying to Dallas to attend a conference dedicated to young women with breast cancer. I will be there until Sunday afternoon. I am so excited to finally get a chance to meet so many of the wonderful women that I have met online since I was diagnosed. Besides the "medical" side of the conference there will also be lots of fun. On Friday night a large group of us are going to a "cowboy" bar/dance hall with a mechanical bull...nope, I don't plan to ride and you all know how much I don't like line dancing but it should be fun to watch! On Saturday they will have a dinner for everyone attending the conference and then there will be a DJ after that. They have some great meetings planned with excellent speakers so I am looking forward to learning a lot...the main issues I hope to focus on are my reconstruction options and new defenses against recurrence.

I am going to copy someone else's writing on here again but when I read this I felt like I could have written the exact same thing. This was part of a eulogy written for a young wife and mother that past away on Valentine's Day after a very long battle with breast cancer ...the woman that wrote this met her in our online support group and during the service she wanted to explain the bond that we all have....

Angela (Blessed4) 11/28/74- 02/14/09

Hello, My name is Bethany. Angela and I met in cyberspace. Turns out we live 21 miles apart, with Angela in ***********, and me in *******. But it took breast cancer and the Internet to bring us together, and for a beautiful eternal friendship to be born.

Angela asked me to tell you the story of her breast cancer sisterhood.... She believed it was very important for you all to know about it, because it was such an important part of her life. And who better to tell you this story than one of her breast cancer sisters.

There is an instant, indescribable, unconditional bond that exists between breast cancer survivors. Maybe because we’ve all been there, done that and bought the t-shirt.

But we love and understand each other without speaking the words. When a sister is suffering, we are all there with unconditional love. We understand each other on a level that perhaps friends and family will never fully experience or understand.

We speak openly of our fears, our rage, our worries and our heartbreaks.

Once you’ve stared the beast in the face. Your innocence is gone. You realize that your body can betray you, that perhaps you don’t have the control you thought you had, and you start to think about your mortality.

You have to make difficult decisions about surgery and treatment. And you live with the knowledge that despite your best decisions and efforts, and God’s Love, you may die. Perhaps sooner than you ever expected. You may not survive your encounter with the beast.

I, myself, am a nine-year survivor of the beast. I will NEVER understand why some people survive and why we lose so many blessed ones, especially tragic when one is so young and loved by so many as Angela was. I think we lost 34 sisters in our online young survivor community last year. The youngest was 23.

I want you to know that Angela became everyone’s sister... I want to tell you that HUNDREDS of hearts all over the United States, Canada, and throughout the world were broken on Valentine’s Day, 2009 I know mine was.

Today, I was going to tell you the story of a beautiful princess in cyberspace whose dying wish was to take her family to Disneyland to create beautiful forever memories. But I’ll bet most of you already know this tale. She was in hospice care, was turned down by a wish granting foundation. Then hundreds of women in cyberspace who had never met Angela and were dealing with their own serious health issues, along with generous Denver citizens who saw her story on Channel 2 News all banded together with small and large donations and raised thousands of dollars in a matter of weeks and made Angela’s wish come true. We called ourselves her Fairy GodSisterhood!! A large National non-profit would not grant her wish, but a bunch of sisters tied together by the bonds of breast cancer made her dreams come true.

Many other magical things happened along the way to Disney including Angela and her husband’s fairytale dinner at the exclusive Club 34, an opportunity that was beyond Angela’s wildest dreams!!

Now, I want tell you about how the magic continued for Angela and her breast cancer Sisters, AFTER the Disney trip. In the remaining months of Angela’s life, the sisterhood continued to support her in real and tangible ways.

Every week, people asked for updates. What’s new? How is Angela and her family? Does she need anything? One sister put it best, “These updates helped make Angela real, kept her a personality for all of us, not just another name on the computer screen”

Angie D., in Toronto. started a list she called “Angela’s Care List.” Every week some one would send Angela a gift and or card so she would never feel alone or forgotten by her sisters.

Hospital stay after hospital stay I would post updates, as Angela requested. With each new message, dozens, sometimes hundreds of responses poured in, each filled with more love and more prayers.

I’ve never witnessed anything as magical, powerful and inspiring as the love the sisterhood felt for Angela and her family. My heart was touched day after day by all the genuine love. I would always read Angela the messages and she would smile. I know she felt the love and I’d like to think all the love strengthened her will to live and persevere.

I hope this gives you a little insight about who I am talking about when I say "my online support group". It will be an honor to be with so many of these incredible women who have offered me so much support during my journey....there was always someone on the other side of the computer that could tell me "I understand exactly what you are feeling"....it is a gift I will never take for granted....

Please keep those prayers coming for JD and family!! Thanks

Not much new here...that's a good thing!!

2009-02-23T19:12:00.009-05:00

I don't have much new to report...everyone in the Middleton household is fine...I wanted to ask for prayers for Sue's son JD. He has been doing chemo after having a brain tumor and this Friday they will do an MRI..we need everyone to pray that the chemo has worked and that the tumor is not growing back. I am copying a request that Kristen (Sue's daughter) posted on her blog last week. I asked her if it was ok for me to copy it here so that we can have as many people as possible praying for him and their entire family.

I remember the phone call nearly four years ago... I could hear the fear in my mom's voice. She could barely choke the words out... "They've found a large mass on his brain. We meet with the neurosurgeon tomorrow." What!? I dropped to my knees and was sick to my stomach. I'd never been more afraid in my life. I remember what I was wearing, who I was with, the conversations that followed. I remember pleading with the Lord, begging Him to let my brother be okay. I remember the hour drive I made the next day, listening to Jeremy Camp's 'Walk by faith' and 'I still believe' over and over. I remember meeting my family at Dr. Young's office, walking in, JD saying innocently and without fear, "Hey, sissy- did you know I have something growing on my brain?" and I remember holding back the tears. I remember the first surgery, and the second, and the third. I remember him bouncing back like it was nothing. I remember them telling us they got all of the tumor, but they weren't sure if he'd be able to speak... and right after surgery him saying 'Hey, bunkbed' to me. I didn't hold back the tears then... I rejoiced. I remember MRI after MRI. I remember radiation. I remember sitting with Jack, watching the strong little boy strapped to the table as we stood and cried, wishing we could trade him places. I remember when his hair started to fall out, and then when it grew back. I remember that first good MRI. And the second, and the third. I remember nearly two years of good reports... and then August hit.

I remember where I was, what I was wearing, who I was with, the conversation that followed. It was the first appointment I'd missed. JD called me, voice as strong as ever, unwavering... "Sissy, my tumor's growing." I remember him reassuring me that it was going to be okay, while I crumbled. He was just 12! Once again... I was so afraid. I remember surgery number 4, and how terrible it was, how hard recovery was, how hard it was to see JD like that. Then came another MRI.. the tumor was back, and this time it was serious (as if it wasn't before). Fear struck like never before. That dreadful 'c' word was being bounced around. We met with the oncologist, discussed a fifth surgery, possible radiation, definitely chemotherapy. Oh, I was afraid. I cried and cried... and cried. We begged, pleaded with the Lord... please, let my brother be okay. Please, let this work. Fifth surgery came and went like it was a walk in the park. They got all of the tumor. They started chemotherapy. Seven(ish) weeks following surgery, just a week before Christmas, they did another MRI. As soon as the doctor walked in the door he proclaimed, "First things first, the MRI was clear!" More tears, but once again rejoicing.

Will you, my friends, please join me in praying? Next week comes an MRI that will be pretty indicative of the effectiveness of the chemotherapy. I'm a nervous wreck... we all are. I find myself, once again, begging, pleading with the Lord.. please, let my brother be okay. I am heartbroken for him and all that he has endured already, at a mere 13 years of age. The strength he has, the joy he brings, the character he is- oh, what a boy!, he's such an incredible young man. I wish I could express in words what my heart is feeling. I wish you knew JD. Everyone of you. I don't even know who all reads this, and some of you may know JD, and you know... he loves people, loves to make them laugh, make them feel at ease, comfortable. He's a riot, will make a joke out of anything. He's a wonderful, wonderful person- and even if he weren't my little brother, I would be so proud of him.

Please pray for him, pray with us, pray for us through this.

"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all that we can ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be the glory..." (Ephesians 3:20)

For those of you that have been reading my blog you probably feel like you know Sue from the messages she has posted on here...she is such a special friend and I love her and her family so much. JD has been so strong during chemo. I can't imagine how hard it is on Sue and Jack to watch him go thru this...especially when it makes him sick. On the days he does chemo they are all on my mind all day...I anxiously wait for her to post that they are home and he is ok....if you have ever had to wait for medical tests or results you have some sense of how this week will be for them...it won't be easy but hopefully they will feel all the love and prayers coming their way and that will help just a little...thank you so much for your prayers..

Sunday update...

2009-02-15T21:08:00.004-05:00

I hope everyone had a nice Valentine's Day....Bret and I spent most of the evening at IKEA looking at cabinets for our entryway to the garage...who ever imagined that store had so many choices...it really made my head hurt!! We went out for a nice dinner after that.

Tonight we had a great visit with Vicki (my sis), Todd & Em. Todd is here for work so it was nice to hang out with them for the evening....

Good news about the Kindervelt Bingo fundraiser from last week - we raised over $500 that night...the proceeds go to the Cinci Children's Hospital. I am really glad that I joined the group and think I will really enjoy being involved in more fundraisers.

On Friday Heather and I took Jillian and Amanda to the Cinci Ballet to see Peter Pan. It was quite a special evening because maestro (Carmen DeLeone) had actually composed Peter Pan back in the mid 90s. He was also celebrating his 40th year with the Cinci Ballet. The music and the ballet were beautiful. I thought Amanda and Jillian did great...I have to admit that I forgot that there is no speaking in the ballet...the story is told completely thru the dance but the girls seemed to be able to follow quite well. I don't think ever really knew the story of Peter Pan so I was a little lost....

I heard a great quote I wanted to share...on Friday I was listening to a local "radio-thon" for the Cinci Ronald McDonald House...we have the 3rd largest one in the country. They told the story of a young girl who was from New Jersey and she lived at the house for a long time because she needed an organ transplant. She painted a beautiful picture and the caption read - "You cannot change the story that God has written for you but you can embrace it". For some reason this really hit home with me. I have never asked God why I have breast cancer....I always just pray that he will heal me and let me do something good with what I have learned on this journey. The good news is she received her transplant and is now back home doing well....what a great message she was able to share....

A few pics from the weekend...

2009-02-08T19:40:00.009-05:00

Well, I have finally learned how to post pics so I don't have to bug Bret to do it for me...these are some pics from my weekend that I wanted to share. That is Bret with our friend Addie...she turned 1 on Friday...I was not able to make it to her party so we had them over for dinner earlier in the week to celebrate. I just adore this little girl...she has the best disposition of any baby I have ever been around..over the last year there were days that I certainly didn't feel like smiling but if I would see her and that cute little grin it always made me feel better...we love spending time with her, her big sis Amanda (in the cheer pic with Jillian) and their Mom Heather.

On Friday Jillian went to 2 birthday parties while I worked at a bingo fundraiser for my Kindervelt group. Kindervelt is the women's auxillary that works to raise money to fund different projects at the Cincinnati Children's hospital. This was our first bingo night and it turned out to be really fun...not sure how much money we raised yet. I had not played bingo in a long time so I thought I would get six cards...I forgot how much you really have to concentrate so it wasn't long until I was giving my cards away and finding something else to do!!

Saturday morning Jillian had cheerleading and after that she and I went to celebrate another 1st B-day...it was for a good friend from work so we enjoyed spending the afternoon with them. After that it was time to get ready for 80s night bunco with the Strawberry Hill Bunco Babes....wow - what fun! Everyone really got into it...a lot of us brought old pics and we even had 80s trivia in between the bunco rounds. After we finished playing a few of us decided to go out dancing....we ended up a new club here in Landen...they had a band but we really didn't like the music too much...a little too hard core (or angry as Maria called it) for us old gals but we made the best of it and stayed until closing time.

Today was obviously a lazy day after a very late night. Heather and I took Addie for a walk by the lake...it finally made it to the 50s this weekend so everyone was enjoying the warmer weather.

It's hard to imagine that it was a year ago yesterday that I took my last dose of chemo...that was on my mind a lot this past week...just thinking back to how I felt that day..how tired I was from the treatments and the affects it was having on my body. I also remember how tired I was of wearing wigs and just wanted my hair to grow back and I was also trying to get mentally prepared for the mastectomy...needless to say, that was certainly a low point for me but I made it though...I could not have done that without all the love and support of Bret and all of you...my friends and family. You are a precious gift...THANKS!!!!

Winter bugs...

2009-02-05T09:56:00.002-05:00

I think the entire town of Cinci is sick with stomach viruses or upper resp. crap. I am home with Jillian today...I had to take her to the clinic last night and she has an upper resp infection....she just had the stomach virus about 2 weeks ago. Bret took his turn with the stomach virus this past weekend and then I ended up with a sinus infection on Tuesday...UGH! We need winter to be over!

We have had 2 big winter storms the last 2 weeks...both have dumped a ton of snow on us...Bret was driving home in the one this week and sat on interstate 71 in Cinci for over 6 hours! The kids have missed quite a few days of school so hopefully we won't have much more of this...it is actually supposed to be 50 this weekend so that will be a nice change.

I am feeling fine after my surgery...sleeping is still a challenge because I have a hard time finding a comfortable position...I am not a back sleeper which really would come in handy in times like these. Mentally I am feeling great...it is amazing how stressful waiting for results can be.

I saw the PS for a follow up on Monday...she checked out the incision and said everything looked fine. Then we talked about what to do next...she said we don't want to work on nips or tats until we know if we are going to do any other revisions. We talked about the denting that is above both implants...I don't like the idea of fat injections because they seem to fail too many times. She said that maybe we could swap the implants up to 800ccs from the 700ccs that I have and do a slight breast lift...this should cover the dents. I told her I just wanted to give it some time....I go back and see her in 6 months and we will talk about it again then. I think I just need to see how I feel when I start wearing summer clothes and bathing suits...if if really bothers me then I will do the revision....the good thing is I don't have to be in a rush...there is not time limit and the revision surgeries are not too intensive.

I hope everyone is staying warm and healthy! Thanks for checking in!

Sue-you crack me up!

2009-01-29T22:34:00.002-05:00

Yes, Sue...that really is my hair...funny you should say that...I was telling the gals at work today that when I looked in the mirror I thought it was kind of "creepy" how much my hair looked like my favorite wig that I wore during chemo...isn't it crazy to look back over the past months and see how it has grown...

I will never take it for granted...I promise you that!! It was definetely time for an updated picture...it always bugged me how greasy my face looked in that last pic and I don't have greasy skin...UGH!!

No news yet...Update..Just got the call

2009-01-29T09:37:00.008-05:00

The nurse just called to say that everything was benign so that is great news...thanks for all your prayers and support...I am sure I will need them again someday...that's just how something like this goes!!

Well, I am still waiting...hoping to hear something this morning...I even shot an email off to Dr. B. on the off chance that they might have sent him a copy of the report.

The kids are off from school again today...they think that's great but it won't be long and we will be talking about a longer school year to make these days up...

I thought I would take the time to today to go over the surgery on Monday....as soon as we walked into the waiting room the nurse came out to call me back. We went over the basic medical info and it was time to put on the lovely gown....since I was having surgery in the Outpatient treatment center I actually got to stay dressed from the waist down which is kind of nice. The nurse said Dr. K. wanted to do an exam prior to the surgery...I guess he was hoping the lump would be gone...it wasn't. When the nurse started talking about IV sedation I told her about the issues I had when I had my port put in...kind of "off the cuff" she said, " well, if you want to try it while being awake we could probably get him to agree to that." I felt like that was a big decision and not much time to think about it so I said yes, I wanted them to just numb the area. She walked me back into the OR and got me settled on the table...my left arm was strapped down and they also strap you down across your waist...OR tables are very skinny if you didn't know that..they don't want you falling off...another thing they do is put a big sticky pad on your stomach - the nurse explained that this is to "ground you" when they have to cauterize something with an electrical instrument..(I was just hoping that I wouldn't smell burning flesh...that would make me SICK!)... the surgical tech and Dr. K came in and then another nurse came in. As soon as she spoke I thought I recognized her voice...it was sweet Pat...my wonderful nurse from when I had my port put in. She came over and held my hand and talked...such a sweetie! Dr. K is very calm and very courteous to the surgical staff..when he would speak to me he was very supportive and calm...they had top 40 music playing in the background and we we all just chatting...seemed pretty odd! Once he marked up the area he wanted to remove it was time to numb the area...that stings pretty bad and hurts a little. They had a "tent" up by my face so that I couldn't see what he was doing and the nurse stayed up by my head...Oh, I forgot to mention that I took my lucky Ladybug surgical hat that Carissa had given me when I had my mastectomy...everyone loved it! Anyway, things were moving along ok. I could just feel some pressure where he was cutting and then he hit an area that wasn't numbed! OUCH! I winced from the pain and he instantly stopped and had the tech add more numbing to the area. Things got a little wacky after that...my blood pressure dropped, I felt like I was going to get sick and I was sweating like crazy...as nuts as things were I remember one drop of sweat running all the way down my side because I was in a half sitting up position...the nurse was great and kept getting a cook washcloth to put on my head and just kept trying to talk to me about things like kids, work, etc. Finally, he said he was done. I noticed that I could not move my hands...they were both completely numb...not sure if that was from the blood pressure crash or what but it was an odd feeling. Dr. K. talked with me and told me that he really didn't think it was a cancerous tumor and then he was off on his way to do another surgery...he is a very sweet man. The surgical tech finished things up while the nurse kept trying to cool me down. After a few minutes I started feeling much better and told her I was ready to go. She put me in a wheelchair and took me out to recovery. Pat brought me a Pepsi and a graham cracker and they called Bret back. Within a few minutes I was ready to go...I didn't even have to go out in a wheelchair this time which was different! I just got up and walked out. I think I had some BP issues throughout the day....I don't know if that is your bodies way of reacting to the stress or maybe the pain but it's odd for my BP to be low since it normally runs a little high but this has happened with other surgeries. The incision hurt pretty bad most of the day...I think he had to cut pretty deep to get it out and he had to go thru the muscle...I took one pain pill and it made me sick to my stomach so I decided to just deal with it....I found that as long as I wasn't moving I felt pretty good....watched a lot of boring TV that day and night. I am glad I made the decision to not use IV sedation...I was pretty nervous and it seemed like time went very slowly in there but looking back at it I think it was the right decision for me and it let me see what really goes on during surgeries which I have always been a little curious about....

As always, Bret took wonderful care of me...he takes care of my every need...even went out in an ice storm to get me a McD's iced tea...now that's a great guy!!! Heather kept Jillian with her that night so by the time she came home the next day we didn't even tell her that I had surgery.

I took off the bandages on Tuesday....under the steri strips it looks like the incision might be almost an inch long...it's right next to the incision I had when I had a cyst removed in that area many years ago...I think it's time to name this foob the "Frankenfoob"! It now has 5 scars (CORRECTION 6 SCARS -FORGOT ABOUT THE PORT SCAR))...what a mess...poor thing!

No news...thanks to the weather.

2009-01-28T13:14:00.004-05:00

It looks like we won't be getting the pathology report back today...Cincinnati has declared a level 3 snow emergency so everything is shutting down. I talked to the nurse just before noon and she said the report was not in yet and they were closing at noon...UGH!

Bret and Tyler are out trying to clear off the driveway and Jillian is making snow angels...we have several inches of snow and ice so it's not an easy job...even with a snow blower!!

Thanks for waiting with me....

Doing ok...

2009-01-27T11:48:00.002-05:00

Thanks for checking in and all the great messages. I am doing fine...just tired and sore but nothing too bad....as long as I don't use my right arm I feel good...the problem is I am right handed...UGH!

Yesterday was certainly a new experience...I have always kind of wondered what goes on in the operating room...not necessarily the way I wanted to find out but it really was ok. I'll write more about that when I get my head cleared...the pain pills were making me sick to my stomach so today I am just using the Ativan which can help with the nausea.

You should have seen the look on the nurses face when Bret said "I don't think we have gotten our money's worth today", she cracked up and said that was the first time she had ever heard that. It was Pat, who was my wonderful nurse on the day that I got my port put in so it was nice to catch up with her...she's an angel.

Hopefully we will have the pathology report back tomorrow...it will be good to get that final report but Dr. K was VERY optimistic once he looked at what he took out...in a way I wish that I would have asked to see it but I didn't....

We are right in the middle of a big winter storm...schools are closed today from the snow last night...now we are supposed to get a pretty heavy ice storm and then more snow on top of that. Tyler will be abl to try out his new snow blower...Heather kept Jillian with them last night so I am sure she is having a blast.

More later....love to all!

SHE'S HOME

2009-01-26T13:05:00.003-05:00

My brother in-law promised (at 10:30AM) that he would update the blog within an hour or so and I see he hasn't so I thought I would slip on and tell you all what he told me:

Jan is home! She did not have to go to sleep, they were able to use a local. All went real well and the surgeon had no reason to believe it was cancer!

Now you can all just be patient and wait for Bret to give us details.

Thanks!
Kay

Didn't get our money's worth this morning!

2009-01-26T13:02:00.002-05:00

We weren't there long enough for them to do anything it seems like so I told the nurse we didn't want to go home until I felt like we got our money's worth. It brought a small chuckle....... Jan opted out of general anesthesia and had a local instead, in hopes it would be easier and wouldn't make her sick. It worked out great! She was in and out in about 35-40 minutes, when I went back to see her in the recovery, she looked better than when she had went in. I don't know how she does it. Anyway, we were walking out of there and home around 11:00 or so. She is sore and on some pain meds and sleeping like a baby now. Dr. K said his thoughts are that we may have made a big deal out of nothing, it appeared to be muscle/fatty/scar tissue that had moved around from all the other operations she's had and he didn't think it appeared to be cancerous. You talk about a relief. I think she just had a million pound weight lifted off her shoulders. We don't get the pathology report back until Wednesday to confirm though. As Jan has stated many, many times, you are all so awesome sending cards, e-mails, positive thoughts and prayers, we simply couldn't ask for more. Thank you for being our good friends and neighbors and family! I'm sure Jan will be ready to get back to blogging and emailing before you know it!

Sunday update...surgery in the morning...

2009-01-25T22:25:00.005-05:00

Wow, today has been a REALLY lazy day...the only thing I did was go to Bed, Bath & Beyond to get some new sheets I had looked at around Christmas...I decided if I had a few days of recovery coming up I might as well be cozy. I have to be at the hospital at 8:30 and surgery is supposed to start at 9:30. I will have Kay post an udpate after surgery. It will be good to get this over with...I am very curious to hear how long it will take to get the final pathology report back...I am hoping it won't take more than a day or two...I am SICK of waiting!

Not really a lot going on with us...Bret got home from Florida on Saturday morning...Jillian had a stomach bug or ate something REALLY bad on Friday so she and I were up most of the night Friday (changing sheets, doing laundry...YUCK!!)...she had to miss her dance pics and cheerleading on Saturday but most of the day she acted like she had never been sick...amazing how quickly kids bounce back. Last night we played in a fun Farkel tournament with some neighbors...I won the big $20 prize for most points for the night...it was a late night but fun to spend the evening with friends.

Thanks to all of you for your support these last few weeks...I don't know how I would get thru these "trials" without you! I am VERY blessed!

I'm just ticked off....

2009-01-21T21:48:00.002-05:00

That's how I feel today..I was talking with someone tonight and was saying that I was so happy for the new year and how I was looking forward to putting this crap behind me....

Back from Orlando...now I need a vacation!!??

2009-01-20T09:37:00.003-05:00

The kids and I flew back from Orlando yesterday...Bret will be down there for work the rest of the week. It was nice to get away from these freezing temps here in Ohio...it wasn't hot in Florida...just very comfortable temps for sightseeing. Jillian is the only one brave enough for the pool...it was heated and she didn't seem to mind to cool air at all.

We stayed at the Nickelodeon Hotel which is kind of like a vacation spot inside of a hotel..they do live Nick shows (complete with slime) at night, they have a game room, character breakfasts, a 4D theater,a water park and on and on...we stayed in the Dora themed room complete with bunk beds for the kids...I have to say it was kind of cute to see Jillian and Tyler in there together. On Friday we spent the day at Disney's Animal Kingdom...this was the first visit to this park for all of us. It really is a beautiful park and the shows are incredible. Saturday I took Jillian to a Disney character breakfast at the Grand Floridian hotel and then we went to Downtown Disney. They have a new T-Rex restraunt there which is unbelievable..that was a fun experience. After that Bret and Tyler went and rode go-carts and played some mini golf while Jillian and I went back to the hotel so she could play in the water park. That evening she went to the Nick at Night Club (kids only activities all night) and Bret and Tyler and I did some shopping at the Outlet Mall, went to Disney Boardwalk and out to dinner...it was nice to have a little time to just focus on Tyler. Saturday we went to Sea World...this was Jillian's first visit. It was a beautiful day and again all the shows are awesome.

This was supposed to be one of the slow times for Disney but I felt like everything was pretty crowded...you all know how much I DO NOT enjoy crowds...I would definetely say that you did not see any signs of a bad economy down there this weekend...the majority of the people seemed to be from the northeast part of the US or from South America...interesting!

I think the kids enjoyed the vacation...Jillian did drive us all insane most of the time...she just always wants to argue, have the last word or be the boss - UGH!! There were a few times we had to "help her" adjust her attitude but it just never seemed to really help...she is one challenging child and I swear that Tyler was NEVER like this.

I know my tolerance level for this kind of stuff is not what it should be...the stupid lump seemed like it kind of ached most of the time so it was like a constant reminder that something is there that needs to come out. I wish the surgery was already over with...I can't help worrying about what it is.

Just a down day...

2009-01-13T21:25:00.002-05:00

Work was rough and I just seemed to have no focus...my mind keeps going back to the lump...should we have delayed our trip to go ahead and get it out?? I know it's just 2 weeks from now but I am really driving myself crazy with worry. The more and more I think about it I am afraid they are going to tell me we are going to do everything over again....I don't know how I could do that....doing it once when you don't know what to expect is one thing...doing it a second time when you know how bad it can be would be so much harder....I just don't think that I am really that strong....

A little more info on the biopsy...

2009-01-11T00:07:00.002-05:00

After I talked to Dr. B I got a call from Dr. Kerlakian's nurse. She was not as positive as Dr. B was about the results. She said the sample taken was very small and possibly inconclusive..bottom line is that he really thinks there is no cancer but still wants it to be removed. I told her I was fine with that so they are setting up a date at the hospital for the last week of the month. I HATE the idea of another surgery...I was hoping they could just do this in his office...give me a big shot of whiskey and some leather to bite on...Not an option...DAMN!

I put a call in to the PS just so she was aware that Dr. Kerlakian would be messing with her foob work. She called me back last night and we went over everything. She felt comfortable with him that he would not be messing anything up or he would have asked for her to be there....I see her the first week of February so I guess we will be adding the new scars to our list of things to fix someday....

I will just be glad to get this behind me...it's been scary but I do believe that it will be ok....the biopsy was the exact same procedure I had when I was first diagnosed...it was a much more difficult area to access and we got accurate results that time around...

Not much else going on with us. Bret and I went out shopping and to dinner last night. Jillian had her first basketball game for cheerleading today and then we went to the school to get her tap and ballet costumes for her upcoming recital. Tonight we went out with the Gahlberg's & Hulefelds to celebrate Steve's 44th B-day. After that we played Cranium...another good old game...Steve and I lost...I do have to say that I do think I am pretty good on the sculpting challenges...it was a fun night out with friends!!

Good report..

2009-01-09T13:47:00.001-05:00

Dr. B. called and said the sample showed no cancer...he still wants it removed...whatever it is. He was going to call the surgeon and have him call me to discuss surgery...

Thanks for all your prayers...you all are the best!!

No news...

2009-01-08T21:06:00.001-05:00

I checked with the nurse before they closed this afternoon and they did not have my results back...she said to check back after 10 tomorrow...the waiting sucks..so many scenarios go thru my mind....

Thanks for the prayers...

Another biopsy...

2009-01-07T20:45:00.003-05:00

Let's just start off by saying today really sucked....work has been tough this week so I was already in a rotten mood when I went to see Dr. B. We talked for a while about follow up, my Lupron shots, bone density issues, etc. I finally said..."I need you to feel a lump that I found"....we were both standing as I showed him where it was and he started to examine it...I kept looking in his eyes hoping to see him relax and say it was ok but he didn't. He said it just didn't feel like scar tissue because it was too round and smooth. He said it could be a swollen lymph node or it could be a local recurrence...whatever it is he wants it out. He immediately went out and told Diane to get Dr. Kerlakian on the phone. She tried a couple times but he must have been in surgery. He said he wanted me to see him asap and have him decide if I needed a biopsy or just have it removed. I was really trying to hold it together while I was there and he was trying to be so supportive and optomistic that this would turn out to be nothing. Before I left he wanted to check it one more time...I started crying and because we were standing up again I couldn't help thinking about the tears dripping off my cheeks onto his hands. Kind of an odd thing to think about but it just seemed like I was watching a movie... I just couldn't believe this was happening...I really thought I would walk in there and he would tell me to stop worrying and that it was nothing....

By the time I got out to my car Diane called me on my cell and said that he had gotten me an appt with Dr. K in an hour. The two offices are close so I just went and sat in the parking lot until it was time for my appt. It just felt like everything was starting over again and the bad thing this time around is I know what is on the other side of a cancer diagnosis. My appt was at the same office where I saw the ob/gyn the first time I had my lump examined back in Sept 07. The appt with Dr. K was quick...he felt the lump, said he didn't like it and it needed to come out. To get quicker results he said we would do a core needle biopsy today. He numbed the area and then stuck the needle in to remove tissue samples. He said he had hoped to get fluid (I guess that would have made him think that it was not cancer for sure) but there was no fluid in the sample..just tissue. He said he would push for the results and that I should have them late tomorrow or Friday morning at the latest. He said once we have the results we will need to decide when I want to have another surgery to actually remove the entire lump...My entire right side was pretty sore so I decided to come home and take something and take a nap...I just wanted to stop thinking about all the "what ifs"...

Tonight has been ok...I don't want the kids to know anything is going on so I am just trying to keep busy and act like normal.

Please say a prayer for me....I just don't want to go through all of this again...

The holidays are over...back to work..

2009-01-04T19:43:00.002-05:00

Ugh, I actually have to work 5 days this week? With the holiday breaks I have gotten used to those short work weeks...oh well, it won't be long and we will be heading down to Orlando for a family vaca!!

Not much new to report here. We spent New Year's at the Hulefeld's...it was a really fun evening. We played Outburst and Pictionary. Outburst was printed back in 1986 so the questions were really funny...our kids would have no clue what they were talking about...one of the questions was name 10 characters from Happy Days. Can you do that?? Beth and Penny and I only missed one....Al....the kids had fun playing together but Jillian was out before midnight...she did wake up for a little while to celebrate the new year but she was wore out. I think it will be good for ALL the kids to get back to school tomorrow and get back into a routine.

Last night I hosted PJ Bunco. Vicki co-hosted with me and helped out with most of the food...after playing a few of us sat around and chatted until after 2:30....needless to say, it's been a slow day around here!

This week I will see Dr. B. on Wednesday for my 3 month follow up...I am looking forward to getting this appt over with because I have this big lump close to the center of my chest that I need his opinion on. I am hoping it is just scar tissue or maybe just bone but I need to have him check it out...I guess there is just always something new to worry about.....

Happy New Year!

2009-01-01T01:41:00.003-05:00

It's been a fun night...now I am thinking of those that fought this horrible battle and lost...too many young woman, some with children, some that had just gotten married. There are still those out there fighting with all they have left and I pray for them. I pray for their strength to keep fighting and the strength to make the decision that it is time to stop the battle and go in peace...This is a horrible disease that causes so much pain for the patient and all that love and support her..............

Sunday Update...last one of 2008!

2008-12-28T19:08:00.003-05:00

I cannot believe that Christmas is over and in just a few days it will be 2009. I am looking forward to this year being over and 2009 being a much better year. I hope everyone had a good Christmas. Ours was very nice except that Bret had the horrible head cold that has been floating around Cinci the past few weeks. He started feeling bad the day before Christmas Eve and really just started feeling better today.

On Christmas Eve our family went out to dinner and then came home and tried to get the kids to bed early....Jillian was a complete SPAZ! She was so excited about Christmas and just could not settle down. Tyler didn't think there was any reason for him to go to bed early and kept reminding me that this is his "winter break"...so Bret was the first to go to sleep....after putting out cookies, writing a letter to Santa and putting reindeer food out in the yard Jillian finally wound down and fell asleep. I had to then get Bret back up to "help me get ready for Santa to arrive". Once things settled down and the house was quiet I had a yummy cup of hot chocolate and just laid on the couch by the Christmas Tree. It was so peaceful and relaxing. I took the time to look at all of our special ornaments from activities that the kids have participated in or vacations that we have taken. The holidays can be so hectic it was nice just to slow down for a few minutes and reflect on the past year and think of all the blessings in my life. I also said some special prayers for those people in our lives that are stuggling right now.

The kids had a blast on Christmas morning opening their gifts. Jillians big gift was a karaoke machine and Tyler's was an I-pod. They both seemed very happy with everything. After that we packed up and headed to my Mom and Dad's. It was nice to spend the evening with them and Kay and Dean and the kids came out to visit. The next morning Kay and I headed out for some power shopping and then later that day we all got together at Vicki's for a pizza party. It was nice for us all to be together..we came home the next morning. We had planned to stay longer that day but Bret was really feeling lousy and I was afraid that he was spreading all those germs to everyone else.

Today we put all the indoor decorations away and then went over to celebrate Amanda's 40th birthday!! Tomorrow it's back to work for Bret and I and then another 4 day weekend coming up! Yippee!!

No, They're Not Real...the real ones tried to Kill Me!

2008-12-20T16:46:00.004-05:00

Here is a pic from my last treatment...the nurses had asked me to wear my Save the Ta-Tas T that I wore for my last chemo but I found this one and thought it was more appropriate....it got a lot of laughs! We are getting ready to go out for a Christmas Party...I will write more later!!

Tuesday -

Just finished baking cookies with the kids and decided to sit down and get caught up on here. Wow, I can't believe that tomorrow is Christmas Eve. Tyler mentioned something about Christmas Eve last year and I couldn't remember what he was talking about it. The more I thought about it I realized I have no recollection of Christmas Eve at all last year. My Mom says that's a good thing...I don't know. I know I was not feeling good but it's just hard to believe that I don't remember anything from that day.

I have to work tomorrow which is a bummer...first time I have EVER worked on Christmas Eve...it will be slow at work and I doubt they will let us leave early.

We have been busy just like everyone else wrapping up those last details before Christmas. We had our Middleton Family Christmas on Sunday which was very nice..the kids had a great time playing together and it was fun to get caught up with family.

My last treatment of Herceptin was kind of surreal. Unfortunately, it took 3 nurses several tries and about 45 minutes to get my IV started...my arm looked like a pin cushion but Diane finally hit a vein. I didn't go to sleep like I usually did..just chatted with the nurses and reflected back on all my treatments. I watched those last precious drops of Herceptin slowly drip into the IV and it was really kind of scary but exciting at the same time. They have all been so good to me so there were lots of hugs when they finally took out my IV. I actually will go back in January to see Dr. B for my three month check up and my Lupron shot so they can't get rid of me that easily!! Going forward I will just go back to see him every 3 months for follow ups.

On Friday night we went out with a group of friends to celebrate my last treatment...I was in the mood to dance! It was a fun night and I really appreciated everyone coming out to celebrate with us. We went to a club that had a live band...I think my ear drums are still trying to recover...I think that is definetely a sign of old age when you think the band is too loud...

Yesterday I had another follow up with the plastic surgeon. She said I can finally quit wearing the bra at night...YIPPEE!! We reviewed all my "issues"...dent on right side...new dent starting to appear above left breast...little pocket forming on the underside of left breast..etc. She said the "pocket" could probably be fixed pretty easily with a little nip and tuck during the next surgery. The dents are not that easy. She said we could consider doing a lift on both breasts to try to fill in that area and/or go up to 800cc implants. For right now we are just going to give it more time and see how things look in February when I see her for the next follow up.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas! I know I have so much to be thankful for this year and have been enjoying the holiday season!!

Yahoo!! Last Herceptin treatment this week!

2008-12-14T18:47:00.005-05:00

I can't believe it's time....I am looking forward to having my last treatment Wednesday but it is also a little scary....being in treatment is in some way comforting...I guess you think the meds are keeping you healthy. Oh well, a new part of the journey - just have to get my head around it now.

Things are busy as we get close to Christmas. I am so thankful to be out there enjoying everything this year that I had to miss last year. I went to two fun Christmas parties on Wednesday night. On Thursday I had a great dinner out with Melissa for her 35th b-day. On Friday I took a vacation day so Penny and I had a great time shopping in the shops in Lebanon and having a nice lunch and the historic Golden Lamb. On Saturday morning I took Jillian and a couple of the neighbor girls to a "Princess Prom"...they had fun spending time with the "big girl" princesses doing crafts, having story time and dancing. I did some Christmas shopping while they were there. Later in the day Bret and I went to an open house at the Clarke's and then came back to Strawberry Hill for our neighborhood x-mas party. When I got home at midnight I started making candy and then got up and finished with that this morning. This afternoon we went to the Strawberry Hill kid's x-mas party...all the kids loved spending time with Santa and Mrs. Claus. The weather is nice here today so this evening we added some more decorations outside...whew..it's been a busy few days but we're having fun!

The first snow...

2008-12-07T18:02:00.002-05:00

It it certainly starting to look like Christmas around here. It snowed all day yesterday - we didn't have a lot but the kids did get to get out and play in it today. Jillian and I went with some friends Saturday morning to a Breakfast with Santa and Mrs. Claus, they had lots of crafts for the kids to make so they all had a good time. Last night was my monthly bunco night with the Strawberry Hill girls...we all pulled out our "tackiest" Christmas attire and dressed up for the evening. Carissa won the prize for the night..she even had red, green and gold plaid pants to finish off her look. It was a late bunco night....some of us sat around gabbing until after 1:00 am...needless to say, I was slow getting out of the bed today! Today we all went up to the clubhouse for our annual Bengals party/Chili cook-off...yes, the Bengals suck but the chili was good!

We finally got our tree put up on Friday night and I finished the Christmas cards tonight so I am feeling more prepared for Christmas each day. This just seems like a short month with way too many activities packed into it!

Sue's son, JD, will do his second round of chemo tomorrow....he did amazingly well with the first one. Please say a prayer for all of them as they continue on this journey....

Love to all!

Black Friday...I missed it!

2008-11-28T19:54:00.003-05:00

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving...we had a wonderful day. Our cousin Linda, her husband Keith and their son Alex were here visiting. The kids played great together and it was fun catching up with Linda and Keith after so many years. Bret fried a turkey and it turned out perfect...just got done eating leftovers tonight - Yummy! I had a hard time falling asleep last night so I couldn't get motivated to get out and shop today...instead I took a three hour nap so now I am kind of bouncing off the walls! I got all the fall decorations put away today and am slowly pulling out some of the Christmas decorations while Jillian is sleeping...I can't stand the chaos if we pull it all out at once and she starts pulling it all out....not sure when we will do our tree...maybe tomorrow or Sunday. I am really looking forward to the holidays this year....last year is just a blur...I remember thinking I just wanted to get thru it and have them over with...things will be different this year...I told Tyler..."Mommy is back in the game!!"

My appt. with Dr. K. on Monday was disapointing...she has doubts that we can do much to fix the dent...there is also an area on my lower left breast that is puckering out into a small pocket...she thinks it is an area where the remaining skin and tissue is too thin so the implant is protruding. So, I still have my trainwreck foobs and we just need to give them some time to see how things settle after a while. She said we can try fat transfer but a lot of times that ends up lumpy which would just make things look worse....I am trying to settle my mind that maybe I will just be the poster child of breast cancer and bad reconstruction results.

Dr. K. is almost always right on time but at this appt. she was running late. As I sat in the waiting room one of Dr. B.'s breast cancer patients and her husband came in...we recognized each other right away...I had spoken with them on the day that she had her first chemo back in the summer...they are a very nice couple. She is getting ready to have her mastectomy so she was asking me lots of questions. After a few minutes a young lady that was also in the waiting room joined in our conversation. She told us she has expanders in right now and is getting ready for her exchange. She said that she was really having a hard time with all of this and just felt very alone...like no one else really knew what she was going thru. She asked me some questions about the exchange and then she continued to talk with the other gal while I went back to see Dr. K. While I was waiting in the exam room I wrote down my email address and the young survival web address. After I saw Dr. K and went back into the waiting room I went back to her to wish her luck with her upcoming surgery and to give her my info. She also gave me her card and said she would love to have someone to talk to. It was just so sad to see three young women all sitting there in various stages of having their breast removed and reconstructed...I made a comment about that when I saw Dr. K. and she said she is seeing more and more young women all the time...why is this? Are we finding cancers earlier, are we being more agressive with treatments? I don't know but I just hope that no one believes that breast cancer is easy to treat or that we are beating this horrible disease...we need more research to find better treatments and we need women to be better educated about their risks in their earlier years.

My Herceptin treatment on Tuesday went fine. Now that I no longer have a port poor Sharon has to fight with my horrible veins to start my IV....it took a while but she finally found one in the back of my hand. This was treatment 17 out of 18...it's hard to believe that I have sat in those chemo chairs that many times...plus 5 chemotherapy treatments...it's been 13 months. It will be weird to not go there every 3 weeks....I know I will have some fear of moving away from treatment and I am so thankful for the drug Herceptin....If I had been diagnosed b4 this drug was approved my prognosis would have much, much worse.
The chemo treatment room was full when I arrived on Tuesday....I took one of the last chairs and once I settled in with my water and blanket I looked over at the girl sitting directly across from me. She was there with her husband and mom...I saw the syringe containing the "red devil" hanging from her IV pole so I assumed she was being treated for breast cancer. She was very young and I could hear Sharon going over all the risks and side affects of the treatment she was getting...after Sharon did "the push" of the Red Devil it was hard not to notice that she was crying...my heart was just breaking for her and the journey that she was just beginning. A little later her mother-in-law came in with lunch for all of them. We both finished treatment about the same time. I had written her a short note telling her about the online support group that I belong to and I also gave her my email address and told her that she could email me if she had any questions or just needed to find someone that understood what she was going thru...I gave the note to her mother-in-law and went on my way...I have thought a lot about her this weekend and hope that she is doing well after her first treatment.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Sunday update

2008-11-23T19:52:00.002-05:00

Well, the weekend is almost over but we only have a 3 day work week..YEAH! I will go see Dr. K. for a follow up tomorrow...I am anxious to see what her opinion is on my "dent"...I really hate it...I know that a lot of people say they don't notice it but it just makes me feel disfiguered....On Tuesday I will go for Herceptin treatment...after this one I only have 1 to go...that is so hard to comprehend...I have been doing this for a year.

Not much new with us. Bret and I went to see Harry Connick Jr. on Wednesday..it was a holiday concert. We had great seats - Thanks again Mom - this was one of my best bb-day presents ever. Harry and his band are incredible musicians...it was a beautiful concert. The Taft theater is small so the music just sounded so good...Last night we totally switched gears and went to the 1st Annual Rusty Ball. This is a fundraising event put together by a local 80s band called the Rusty Griswolds...they have quite a following here in Cinci. The event was at the Northern KY Convention Center. Bret and I volunteered to work at the "will call" ticket table. That turned out to be fun. Quite a few people dressed up in 80s attire...others were just decked out for a big night out on the town...the scary ones were the people that you didn't know if they were trying to dress in an 80s style or if they thought they were in style...

There was quite a large turnout for this being the 1st annual..I would guess between 800-1000. Since I am not allowed to dance I was hoping we could get a table close to the dancefloor and just watch...unfortunately the room wasn't really set up for that so we were home by 11:00. The music was pretty loud and my back was bothering me...gosh, sometimes I act so old!! Speaking of my back still bothering me...Bret keeps telling me that Dr. K is going to say I need a breast reduction...that is something I have never heard of after reconstruction....that would be just my luck!

I want to ask everyone to pray for Sue's son JD again. He will start chemo tomorrow. He has been so very brave but I just hate that he has to go thru this...He will do 4-6 months of chemo and then 6 months of an oral chemo..they have quite a journey ahead of them...here is a link to their caringbridge site http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/jdtaylor2
They have so many people reaching out to them to support them, pray for them or help in any way and I am thankful for that.

Brr..winter has arrived in Ohio

2008-11-16T16:15:00.005-05:00

I wanted to share a couple Halloween pics....we had such a great Halloween! We had lots of friends over for a pitch in dinner, all the kids went trick or treating and we sat around the fire....the first Halloween pic was taken at work. A few of us dressed up that day. I really am surprised that I even did it...I have ALWAYS hated dressing up for Halloween..not sure what got in to me this year....

I also added a new pic so you all can see the new foobs! Hey - check out those bangs in that photo...I have been dying to have some bangs...they sure do grow SLOW!! Not sure why it looks like my face is so greasy...maybe I was having a hot flash when Bret took that pic and I didn't even notice..

Things with me are fine...I went back to work on Wednesday. I was very tired...for some reason my back is really hurting...I think I am trying to sit up very straight to keep these stupid underwires from jabbing me so bad...after a while that makes my back hurt. Everything seems to be healing just fine...I think the swelling has gone down and I see that my "dent" is still there. That was a huge bummer to see but we just have to see how everything "settles" and then go from there. I will see Dr. K. for another follow up next Monday.

Jillian lost a tooth today so she is anxious for the Tooth Fairy to visit...for some reason she looked at me tonight before she fell asleep and said "I don't ever want you to take medicine again that makes your hair fall out and I don't ever want you to go to surgery again"...I didn't know what to say back...I just hugged her...cancer sucks!

It is freezing here! We have had a few flurries yesterday and today...I guess it's time.

Stay warm!!

Follow up appt.

2008-11-10T21:58:00.002-05:00

My appt. with Dr. K. went fine today...as soon as she walked in and shut the door I was unzipping that horrible surgical bra and pulling that baby off. She said everything looks ok. The right side is a little higher than the left but when we looked back at the pics they were that way with the expanders. She would still like for them to come in closer together so she taught me how to massage them....yep, I have to train these babies....3 times a day! I am sure Bret would be happy to take care of that "work" for me!

She said my incisions look fine and I just need to take it easy with the arms for a few more weeks...I guess I won't be running any marathons any time soon...I had taken my new bra with me so I put that one on and happily pitched the tortuous surgical bra into the trash can. Sadly, the new underwire doesn't feel a whole lot better...I have had on 3 different types today in hopes of finding one that doesn't feel so uncomfortable. Oh well, no pain, no gain!

I peaked!

2008-11-09T17:13:00.008-05:00

When Dr. K finished my surgery she put another horrible, tight fitting surgical bra on me and then packed it full of gauze...she wanted to keep everything right where she put it and told us no shower and just leave everything alone until we saw her tomorrow....the first few days I would just kind of pull the bra open at the top and try to look in....couldn't see a whole lot but what I saw looked pretty good....the main thing I noticed is that the right side no longer look like it was sunken in...that was promising! Yesterday I went to take a nap and just couldn't get to sleep...the stupid bra is so tight and it just digs into both incisions underneath my foobs. I started thinking about the bra that Dr. K. told me to bring with me to the appt on Monday...she told me I needed a firm underwire bra and that I will need to wear it for 24 hours a day for an entire month...I have never been a fan of underwires...they just don't seem to be too comfy for "apple" shaped gals like me. But, before my surgery I did buy a nice white underwire bra...Yesterday, when I should have been napping I had the urge to try that bra on....I kept telling myself that I was not supposed to do it but finally the curiosity got the best of me...I took off the surgical bra and was hoping that all the gauze would just stay in the right position so it would be easier to put back on...oops...that didn't work out! As soon as I unzipped that bra all the gauze popped right out on the floor...I went ahead and put on my new bra and I was so excited...it was a C cup and one side was really filled in nice...the left side seems to still be pushing a little out so the inside of the cup was not quite filled out but still these foobs looked so much better than those crazy expanders. Jillian was napping and Tyler was in the basement so I grabbed a robe and went downstairs to where my Mom, sister and Bret were watching TV...I walked in the room like a Victoria's Secret model (yeah right!), opened the robe and said "Look how great these things look!" I think they were a little surprised but they all agreed that Dr. K had made some damn nice foobs! It was a good feeling...I was just really convinced that we would not have a good outcome and I would just always view my chest as a complete trainwreck....there may be a ton of scars going every which way but at least when I have clothes on I think I may be able to feel like I look normal again....

Recovery from this surgery has been slower than I expected. The day of surgery went well...Bret and I got to the surgicare area and they started prepping me right away. I had a very nice nurse and things were just fine until it was time for the IV. Her first attempt was on the inside of my arm by my elbow...she poked and poked and finally said she would need to try another spot...this is where they normally remove the needle and get a new one out....she decided she would leave this needle dangling from my arm just in case she needed to come back to that area and try again...What???!!! My nerves were already pretty frazzled but I just kept quiet as she decided the next best place to try would be the inside of my wrist...before she started she thought it would be helpful to tell me that this is one of the most painful areas to access because of the tendons..so in goes the needle and she can't hit a vein. I normally don't think this process hurts too bad but she started pushing and digging and pushing and digging like she almost forgot there was a human being attached to that arm ... the tears started flowing...I wanted to just slap her with my free hand!! Finally, she hit a vein and got out of the room as fast as she could. I was trying to "suck it up" and in walked Dr. K to mark me up...when she asked how I was doing I started crying again and said "I hate those DAMN IVs"..she looked to see where mine was and agreed that it was a hard spot to have one. After that drama things settled down. Dr. K. got out her sharpie and marked me up and then they finally let Bret come in with me. I had the same anesthesiologist that I had for my mastectomy...she is the BEST! (Thanks Carissa for setting that up for me again) She and another nurse came in to go over everything. We were all joking about foobs and they were asking me what size I wanted and they said they would be happy to speak on my behalf during the surgery!! They both commented on how they like to do these types of surgeries because it means that the woman is moving on to the next stage and starting to live life again...they really do have wonderful staff at Good Sam Hospital. As they wheeled me off to the OR Bret's final words were "don't be afraid to go big Honey!!" The girls got a chuckle out of that one! I remember going in to the operating room...we all started asking Dr. K about her new baby girl who was just 6 weeks old on that day...she pulled out some pics for all of us to look at....it just kind of seems funny to think of that scene...kind of like a bunch of girls just hanging out...I like it that way!

The next thing I rememember is being in recovery....I did not have any nausea which was so wonderful. I just kept asking for a drink because my mouth was so dry...after a while they took me back to my room and I was able to have a Pepsi and try to eat some crackers...before long they were loading me into a wheel chair and we were on the way home.

The first night was long...I couldn't sleep very well. I think I might have been having some odd reaction to one of the anesthesia meds...I had a weird itching sensation that would wake me up on a different part of my body over and over....I never did have a rash and that ended the next day. They wanted me to take Oxycodone for the pain and I was still wearing a nausea patch behind my ear....I think the combination of the two just really screwed my head up....by Wednesday night I decided I would rather be in pain than feel so messed up in the head so we pulled the patch and switched over to Tylenol for the pain....each day it has been easier to get around but the incision pain is constant...that sucks but it is tolerable.

Bret has taken such good care of me....we once again came up with a creative way to shower me without taking off the crazy bra and this time around he even got to find a way to wash my hair. I don't think that any woman could ask for her husband to take better care of her and the kids than what he has done...I am very blessed!

My sister, Kay, and my Mom came down to stay with us for the weekend. By request, my Mom made her wonderful Chicken & Dumplings yesterday...they were so good...Jillian even told Grandma she deserved a High 5!! It was so nice to have them here...we sat around this morning and talked a lot about our grandparents and Mom told us a lot of things about them that we were too young to remember...our grandparents lived so far away when we were growing up so we didn't really get to know them very well. I am so glad that my kids do have that opportunity...they love their grandparents! I hated to see them leave this morning but we really enjoyed their visit..after that I took a very long nap.

Thanks to all of you for the cards, prayers, gifts, food, phone calls, etc. after this surgery. It certainly has been a long journey and I just feel so blessed with your continued support...Love - Jan

Thursday Update

2008-11-06T08:50:00.001-05:00

I'm sorry, I thought I updated this yesterday but forgot to publish it. Jan is doing fine. As Kay said, she came through great. She's had trouble getting good sleep, but is napping on/off. She quit taking her pain pills last night and swithced to asprin. I suspect she'll be out of bed some today and will update this with more detail. Thanks to everyone for the calls, support and prayers.

JAN UPDATE

2008-11-04T14:56:00.005-05:00

Bret just called to announce the arrival of Jan and Bret's identical twins, Gummy and Bear. Bret did not give me the weight or size (Jan probably won't either) but Bret informs me Jan and the twins are doing just great!

All jokes aside, at 2:45 Bret called and Jan was out of surgery and he had just talked to the surgeon. He said Jan did just fine and they will be coming home tonight. He said the surgeon seemed pleased with the results. We then lost the connection so I couldn't get any more details.

I will keep you all posted if Bret doesn't have time to update you.

Thanks to all for your love, support and prayers!!

Kay

Today's the day....

2008-11-04T07:35:00.002-05:00

Well, I am up and ready to go...too bad we don't have to be there for a couple more hours! I am feeling fine and just ready to get this part over with. I had my Herceptin treatment yesterday...it was kind of cool knowing that it was the last time I would use my port...I had it put in on Oct 30th of last year so it is time for it to go! Thanks to Carissa who has arranged for me to have another great anesthesia team at Good Sam Hospital...you are too good to me! Thanks to Heather for helping out with Jillian and keeping her tonight.

You all have read the wonderful, supportive, funny comments from my friend Sue here on my blog. She has talked about what they have been thru with JD and his brain tumor....unfortunately, last week they found out that the tumor has grown again and now they will do surgery (his 5th) and follow that up with chemotherapy. It has been such a tough week for them and I wanted to ask for prayers as JD goes into surgery tomorrow. Here is the link to his blog - http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/jdtaylor2

My surgery doesn't start until 12:30 so it will probably be late before we have any updates. We will get a message out here as soon as possible.

Thanks to all of you for your constant love and support - it means the world to us!!

Countdown to the new squishy foobs..

2008-10-30T19:41:00.003-04:00

While most of you are out voting on Tuesday I will be finally getting my new foobs (fake boobs). It’s just so hard to believe that it’s finally time…it seems like such a long time ago that all this started. My surgery will be at 1:00 on Tuesday. I am also going to get my port removed by Dr. K. I think back to when I first heard about these “foreign objects” being placed in my chest…I remember worrying that just the thought of them would drive me insane but really it hasn’t been too bad. I am thankful that I had the port because it made chemo and my Herceptin treatments go so much better (only 3 more Herceptin treatments to go - WOW!. The expanders have been uncomfortable but I wouldn’t really describe them as painful…just something that took some time to get used to. My latest “pet” name for them is “weathervane”…I swear that one points east and one points west….I just keep hoping the PS can do some magic and pull these babies back to where they belong!

I went down to the hospital for a pre-op appt on Tuesday…I think I have more anxiety with these surgeries than I realize. While I was waiting to be called back by the nurse I could tell that I was sweating and starting to feel kind of sick….just like the last time I went for pre-op. I had the same nurse that I had for my lumpectomy….you might be surprised that I can remember that but on that day she couldn’t get my IV in and at this appt. she couldn’t hit a vein to draw blood…after much poking and prodding she finally got one between my knuckles…if they try to put an IV in that same spot next week I will FREAK OUT…call my a big baby but that spot hurts. I really do dread the anesthesia…I am not afraid of it from a standpoint of worrying that I won’t wake up or afraid that it won’t take affect I just hate getting sick afterwards…maybe I will get lucky and not get sick but I can’t help dreading it. I also hate the way I feel those first couple days after surgery…it just seems like it takes so long for me to get that crap out of my head.

The surgery is an outpatient procedure so I will be home late that day. I plan to be off work until the following Wednesday. The ps said I have to limit how much I move my arms…the main objective is to keep the new foobs right where she puts them and let the tissue heal around them. I have to wear that uncomfortable surgical bra for a week and then an underwire bra 24 hours a day for a month….I have to admit I have gotten used to not wearing a bra these last few months so this will take some getting used to.

That’s enough about surgery…I guess I haven’t done a hair update for a while. My curls just seem to get curlier and overall my hair seems to grow out and up (think Beaker from the Muppets) instead of down…some days I wonder if I will ever have any length. I can actually wear a headband now so that is kind of fun to add accessories.

Everything else is going fine…October has been such a busy month! My 41st b-day was a great one…much better than 40! A few days after my birthday I met up with Cheryl in Indianapolis…we stayed at a great hotel downtown, did some shopping and lots of catching up….it was a PERFECT getaway with my dear friend. On Saturday I had the best pedicure of my life in a wonderful little spa downtown and then I headed home. I got “detoured” by a new casino that is between Indy and Cinci…I spent a few hours there…lost some money and then came home. I took that Friday off and went with Jillian’s class to a pumpkin patch…I don’t get the chance to go on fieldtrips with her so that was a special treat. It really was a fun morning except for getting bus sick on the way and being stuck with another kid that had some behavior issues…I also had to walk a mile with her to the port a potty and then wait for what seemed like an hour for her to do her “business”…just my Luck! At the end of the trip I managed to bum a ride with one of the other parents and bypassed the bus sickness for the ride home!

Tyler’s football team finished their season undefeated – Go Knights! He just got braces this week so he is getting used to that…he is doing the Invisalign so if you look at him you wouldn’t even know he has them on…

Jillian is excited for Halloween. She will be a tiger. We plan to have a big group over for dinner and all the kids will go trick or treating together…it is supposed to be a great day here tomorrow so it should be a very fun night. The Moms plan to stay behind and hand out candy…we are going to move the firepit out to the front yard so we can stay nice and warm.

Happy Halloween!!!

Everything is Pink!

2008-10-12T00:40:00.002-04:00

We just finished hosting Dinner Club for our neighborhood so I thought I would sit down and try to get caught up. We had a very fun evening with a great crowd and great food..the weather was perfect so we were able to sit out by the fire and the guys played cornhole. The party was a tailgate theme....you all know how I love my themes! I had my Halloween decorations, tailgate decor and then I had the coffee table set up with all kinds of yummy pink stuff as a breast cancer awareness area.

Have you noticed how much pink stuff is out there for October....I can remember that last year I really just tried to avoid all of it....I had become a member of a club that I didn't want to join...now I am ok with it but I still cannot believe some of the stuff that they have out there....I just can't see many people buying a pink blender??!!

I have had a couple appointments since my last update. I saw the plastic surgeon a few weeks ago for a final fill...unfortunately, she is not being very optimistic about getting a good outcome with my final surgery. The expanders have spread out so far and she just isn't sure how much she can do to get the final implants to be in the correct area. It's hard to believe that it is less than a month away. I will also be getting my port out that day. I guess I have gotten used to having all these foreign objects stuck in me....I love to sleep on my side but I know how to position an extra pillow next to me so it doesn't feel like I am laying on a softball. My surgery date is November 4th - election day...last year I was supposed to have my mastectomy on election day...kind of an odd coincidence....

I saw Dr. B. a few weeks ago and told him about the dizzy spells I was having in the evening. I had also fallen on the stairs so it was something we needed to check out. He decided to order an MRI...I had that test done this past week and it came back fine which was a huge relief. He thinks it may be some of my medications that are causing these problems but it could also be menopause...there are just no easy answers when it comes to this crap...the bad thing is that when anything comes up the first thought is always that the cancer has come back and is spreading...thank goodness for tests..

Well, that's all for now...the rest of the Middleton's are fine. Jillian is loving cheerleading...she was in the homecoming parade on Friday night which was so cute! Tyler just got back from his 8th grade Washington DC trip last weekend and he really enjoyed that..

Thanks for checking in....Think Pink!

Finally catching up...

2008-09-18T18:20:00.016-04:00

As I said in my quick post earlier this week things have been nuts around here...let me see if I can get caught up.

Bret added a lot of pics for you to see from the Race for the Cure.

This is a quick description of each from the top down
-My family
-Jillian and Amanda with the Wicked Witch..not sure why she was there..
-Jillian walking
-Tyler running - Yep! Tyler ran the 5K...we were so proud of him!!
-A shot of the survivors as they received gift bags (yep, more pink chip clips)
-Team Ta-Tas members that I work with at LSI
-Team Ta-Tas members that live in Strawberry Hill
-kid shots
-All of the 2008 Team Ta-Tas Members --WE ROCK!!
-Race shot
-Me and Vicki - we were co-captains for the team...

On Friday my two sisters and their families came down for the weekend to participate in the Race for the Cure with us. Kay and Dean and the kids were staying with us and Vicki and Todd stayed in a hotel nearby...it was fun having a house full of people for the weekend. On Friday night Bret put together a little poker tournament so the guys played in that along with some neighbors and friends...they raised over $200 (and drank a few beers!)

On Saturday morning Vicki and Kay and I went to a fundraiser breakfast for the walk...we were guests of my friend Melissa who was also in charge of the event..she did a wonderful job of putting everything together. The Marketing Director for the Komen affiliate in Cincinnati was there and she asked me if I would be willing to speak at future events and share my story...I told her absolutely...I would love to do that and hopefully help someone else by sharing my experience..After the breakfast we loaded all the family up and headed down to the river for some sightseeing...it was a fun afternoon but it was HOT!! I think we had 100% humidity and the temps were in the high 80s all weekend until the storm blew in...

On Sunday morning we all got up very early to go to the walk...it was hot and muggy again but we were all looking pretty cool in our Team Ta-Tas shirts! I think we had between 45-50 of our team members show up and we raised over $2500! The day before the walk they had almost 400 TEAMS registered and we had one of the larger ones! They were planning on approx. 12,000 people to walk...I have not heard how many were actually there but it was pretty overwhelming to see so many people there walking in memory of someone that lost their battle with breast cancer or in honor of someone that is battling breast cancer. All of the sponsors of the event had booths set up and they were giving out "freebies"..we gathered up pink ribbon chip clips, pink ribbon bottles of water, Ford pink scarves, Energizer Bunny pink rabbit ears and the list goes on and on....after the walk they had a survivors ceremony...this was the part of the walk that I wasn't sure how it would feel to attend. There were a ton of women there in the pink survivor shirts of all ages. I kind of sat off to the side and I still don't think it really sank in that I was a "member" of this club...I still felt like I was on the other side...organizing the team and trying to raise money...that is the role that I was comfortable with because I had done something similar for so many years with the March of Dimes. It's just hard to describe the emotions..that was my one year "cancerversary" and my first big event to attend as a survivor..I think I just felt kind of numb.....

The one year mark certainly brought up a lot of mixed emotions. As the date got closer it seemed like I found myself thinking about the day that I was diagnosed more and more....everything that happened that day is so crystal clear in my mind...the peaceful drive down to the doctor's office downtown on a beautiful morning, the mammogram, the tech coming back in saying they needed more pictures...the long walk to the radiologists office...him touching my arm as I sat down and letting out a big sigh...him telling me that he thought I had cancer..the tears streaming down my face..calling Bret....feeling like I was going to pass out...the office staff moving me to an x-ray table in case I passed out...crying...making phone calls...crying...the biopsy...and then the waiting. That night the call came in that it was malignant...it just seemed so hard to believe.....once that sunk in then I had to try so hard to hold it together in front of the kids while at the same time I was wondering if this was a death sentence..how far had it spread..did we find it too late? Would I leave my kids without a Mom? Thank goodness Kay was here with us that weekend to help with the kids and to help keep me distracted. It wasn't long after that day that I started the blog...I was pretty impressed with myself that I actually set it up on my own. In some way it's always been therapeutic for me to write about all of this....there is so much I need to get out but sometimes I just can't talk about it but writing about it seems to come easy...I often think that no one is even reading my ramblings but I still want to write it...I am a different person than I was on September 14th of last year...cancer has changed me...some ways good, some ways not so good. Sometimes memories flood my mind that almost seem like a never-ending nightmare...chemo...losing my hair...the look in Jillian and Tyler's eyes the first time they saw me without hair...being sick...being sick and tired...the mastectomy..the pain...looking at myself in the mirror for the first time after my mastectomy...being tired...being scared...Other times I am able to focus on the good memories....the constant love and support from friends and family (cards, gifts, meals, help with the kids, visits, email and blog messages)...Bret sticking by my side in the good and bad times (over 40 hours in the chemo chair)...Jillian rubbing my bald head at night and saying "I think there are 100 hairs up here now".....the No-Mo Chemo party during the ice storm...finding Dr. B and Dr. K...the kindness of strangers that reached out to us...My Mom coming to stay with me after the surgery..these are the things I try to focus on....I know that I am so blessed to have some of the greatest friends and family that a person could ask for...I know that we cannot take one day for granted and we can never take each other for granted...each day is a gift. I have never asked "why me"..I have told myself that this has happened for some reason and that I must learn from it and find some way to help others with my experience and give back in some way....I have said many times to people who are newly diagnosed "we all must decide for ourselves how we want to make this journey".

Okay, this post is really getting long but I haven't even talked about the wind storm. After the race we all got home and said goodbye to family as they headed back up I-71. It had been breezy that morning and they said we might get storms and some strong winds. Sometime around 2 the wind really picked up and the power went out. Jillian and I laid down for a nap and when we woke up a couple hours later it sounded like the house was going to get blown away...it seemed to be raining leaves outside and the trees were just whipping around...I have heard that the winds were around 75mph and that lasted a couple hours! That is hurricane force...the strange and lucky thing is that we didn't have storms...it rained for just a few minutes but other than that it was just cloudy. Once the winds started to die down the kids and I hung out on the screen porch..we did homework and Jillian and I did manicures! We all went to bed early thinking the power would be back on at any time...we woke up the next morning to hear that there was something like 800,000 people without power and it might take up to a week before we would get it back. Luckily, the temp had really gone down and everyone was outside trying to clean up their yards...the kids played outside all day...Tyler was probably the first to really miss TV and power...he said it was "miserable"....food in the fridge and freezer was starting to get too warm so several of us decided to get together for a big cook-out that evening....we had a great evening! We had about 35 people in our back yard. We pulled out the fireplace to roast marshmallows and keep everyone warm. Larry and Steve grilled for all of us...we had chicken, salmon, hamburgers, steaks...you name it - we had it - it was quite the Meat Feast! We partied until 9:30 and went to bed again hoping to wake up with power...it finally came on Tuesday morning around 3 am...Tyler's school opened back up on Wed and Jillian went back today. There are still a lot of people in the Cinci area without power...we were lucky to get it back so soon and not have any damage to our roof or any trees down. It's been a crazy week but we have made it thru! Luckily, we weren't one of those people out there fighting over gas or ice...we just kind of made the best of it! Bret and Tyler helped out some of the ladies on our street in their yards and we just did what needed to be done...it was an interesting experience but I hope we don't have another like it anytime soon....after a couple days with no tv or internet I realized how much I am addicted!!

Love - Jan

Thanks again to all of you that have taken this journey with me...I am blessed to have you in my life!

Crazy days...

2008-09-16T21:43:00.001-04:00

Just wanted to post a quick note to say all is fine....we survived the 75mph hurricane force winds here in Cinci...just got power back around 3 this morning and phone, cable and internet this evening...will type more later!! Thanks for checking in!

Happy Birthday Bret!

2008-09-12T08:42:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday to my adorable hubby!! Thanks for taking such good care of my this last year....I'm a lucky gal!!

Lots of fun dow south!!

2008-09-07T22:39:00.003-04:00

I had a WONDERFUL trip to Georgia. I flew down and spent Thursday evening with Annie..it was fun to be able to spend time with the kids and then Annie and I stayed up really late and talked. On Friday morning I slept in a little and then went and had a wonderful mani/pedi..after that I met back up with Annie and she took me out to Stonecrest to meet and have lunch with Linda. After that Linda took me for my Ross/Marshall's fix...didn't buy much but I love to dig thru those stores for bargains. The rest of the afternoon I stayed with Linda which was so great to have some "alone time" with her. On Friday evening we had 16 girls playing bunco....it was so great to see so many of the gals that I used to work with...I had some time to talk with all of them and get caught up on them and their kids and what they have been doing since I saw them last 2 years ago. I was a little nervous about seeing the group since I hate the way I look now but that went ok...I was finally able to just quit worrying about it and enjoy the evening. I worked a lot of years with many of these girls and have some wonderful memories of our relationships that we built over those years...some as many as 20 years....it was really nice to spend a fun evening with them. Of course, Linda and I stayed up too late and the roofers that are working on her house came really early so we got up and when Jamie came we left to go pick up Annie and head to the cabin in Ellijay. We did make 2 stops...I love Kickin chicken sandwiches at Zaxbys' so we ate there...then we stopped at a wonderful apple orchard..how many apples did I get....NONE! I didn't get any apples but we sure found an awesome apple caramel walnut apple pie to eat later that evening for dessert. The weather was perfect up in the mountains. We sat on the screech porch for hours just sipping cocktails and having snacks...when it was time for the sun to go down we all moved to the hot tub. It was so beautiful to sit in the warm water and see the stars, the milky way, and the moon. Out where we were you do not hear cars, you don't see street lights....it is just very quiet and peaceful....you hear the crickets off in the distance or squirrels playing in the trees. Having a chance to do something like this really is therapeutic....I just felt so relaxed and happy. I was glad to be able to see so many of my wonderful friends and to be in such a beautiful place that was so peaceful and relaxing. Once we finally got up and on the road this morning Linda was sweet enough to take me to a wonderful little bbq on our way out of town. The food was good but wow, did we see some interesting folks in there....our waitress had a habbit of taking her lower dentures and rolling them around in her mouth....EEK!!! That's a good ol' dose of backwoods Georgia for ya'all!!! We really did have a great time....thanks girls for putting aside the things that you needed to do this weekend to be able to spend time with me...you guys are the greatest!! I love you!~

I am so excited for the Race for the Cure! We have almost 50 registered team members now and $1300- wow-what a turn-out! If you would like to make a donation to our team please copy and paste the link below to get to my personal page...

http://race.komencincinnati.org/site/TR/Race/General?px=1152862&pg=personal&fr_id=1020&et=IcLXA9dhXLFyj3SdaeB4mg..&s_tafId=5330

Support Team Ta-Tas!

2008-09-01T20:05:00.006-04:00

I am so excited for the Race for the Cure! We have over 40 registered team members now- wow-what a turn-out! If you would like to make a donation to our team please copy and paste the link below to get to my personal page...

http://race.komencincinnati.org/site/TR/Race/General?px=1152862&pg=personal&fr_id=1020&et=IcLXA9dhXLFyj3SdaeB4mg..&s_tafId=5330

I hope everyone had a good 3 day weekend. We had a busy one! We started the weekend at the Schilling's house on Friday night..the guys played cornhole, the kids played outside and the gals just gabbed! On Saturday I took Jillian for her 5 yr pics and then we went to her football game...it was a hot day for cheering but she doesn't seem to mind. Last night a big group met up at the pool and ordered pizza. Today was our neighborhood Labor Day party....it was a great day...I am feeling quite toasty tonight after spending all day in the sun. This is the last day that our pool is open...we have had a great summer full of lots of fun memories. Have I mentioned all of us in the neighborhood are being attacked by "Itch Mites"? These are crazy little bugs that you cannot see or feel but once they bite you they leave huge red patches that get sore...today one popped up on my neck...it looks like a big, sore pimple...nice! I guess these critters live on Oak Trees and they are so much worse this year because we are not getting any rain. Bret has these bites all over his back...I don't have as many but I sure have them in some "odd" places...

I am looking forward to a short work week. I am flying down to Georgia on Thursday evening. I will play Bunco with my old group on Friday night and then on Saturday a couple girls and I are going up to the North Georgia Mountains to stay in Linda and Seth's beautiful cabin...it will be so nice to get down there and see everyone. I am a little concerned about the weather...let's see...the last getaway weekend I planned was back in March and we had 15" of snow...now I finally plan another weekend and there are huricane's popping up everywhere...just my luck. Hopefully, things will go as planned and these new storms will not make landfall....I was glad today to see that things in the Gulf are not as bad as they anticipated!

My friend, Vicki, and I were interviewed by the local paper this past week. It was really supposed to be an article about our Mom's Group participating in the walk but it really ended up being more about my breast cancer journey...here is a link to the article if you're interested.

http://communitypress.cincinnati.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/C2/20080828/NEWS/808280415/

I have to say that I hate that picture and the idea of it being in a newspaper...I swear there are days that I see pictures of myself and it just looks like a total stranger to me...I don't think I will get used to this short hair any time soon.

Happy Birthday to my Mom tomorrow - I hope you have a nice day and sorry we can't be together on your special day! We love you!

Well, it's been a busy weekend so I am going to sign off...have a good week!

Happy Birthday Cheryl!

2008-08-26T08:26:00.003-04:00

I wanted to say "Happy Birthday" to my friend Cheryl - I hope you have a wonderful day. Thank you for being so supportive during my cancer journey but also for just always being a great friend - we have shared a lot of good times together over the years - I have always admired your strength...you are as beautiful on the outside as your are on the inside...I am blessed to have you as a friend!! Love you!!!

What a crazy week...

2008-08-24T20:37:00.003-04:00

Well, both kids survived the first week of school...it was a week full of open houses, practices for cheerleading and football, kindergarten screening and lots of fees....I swear I have written 20 checks to the school system this week! Tyler seemed to get back into his school routine just fine and Jillian did well moving to the "big school"...she was reluctant to go but didn't cry or anything which was a relief.

Friday was a fun but crazy day for me. First thing in the morning I ran down to Covington, KY to attend a lighting show and class...it was nice to see some people that I worked with in the past. Once I finished up there I ran up to Mason to do a short commercial for the Komen Race for the Cure. Cammie Dierking (local news anchor) is the honorary chair for the event so she was there. We had maybe 30-35 breast cancer survivors stand around her while she talked about the upcoming walk. This was really my first big event with a bunch of survivors but things were moving so fast I didn't really have much time to think about it. It was about 90 degrees so we were all sweating with our pink T's and hats on. I was surprised to see that the majority of women were my age or younger...for some reason I was thinking that most would be older women. I was there with my friend Pat who I met a couple months ago and she intro'd me to a woman that she had met at the plastic surgeon's office. This woman was talking about her recent exchange surgery and how much she was loving her new, soft foobs...before you know it I was feeling them...yep, right out there in front of the Mason Muni Center I was feeling some other woman's soft new foobs...of course, in that group of women it seemed like the most natural thing in the world but I would think that someone passing by might have found that a little odd. Oh yeah, I forgot to say how nice they felt....compared to these rock hard things I have sticking out of me right now hers were wonderful...makes me look forward to my exchange in November!!

I am still having some issues with my blood pressure...for some reason I wanted to convince myself that it was just medication related or something like that but I am beginning to think that is not the case. My one year "cancerversary" is quickly approaching (Sept. 14th) and I am wondering if that is part of my problem..I have read that many people have a lot of anxiety about approaching that 1 year mark but I didn't think it would bother me. I guess the fear of recurrence or the fear of moving farther away from the treatments can build up and eat away at your mind...the last time I had a Herceptin treatment I remember looking around the room at the other patients that were receiving chemo...I almost felt like I was going to have a panic attack right there...it was like for the first time in 11 months it really hit me that I had cancer and I was in this room...I just wanted to pull the tube out of my port and run out of there....I remember just closing my eyes and telling myself to get a grip...it just seemed so weird to have this type of reaction after being in this exact same environment so many times before...

Last night was the Annual Strawberry Hill Adult Pool Party...Penny did a great job planning this event...Reese cooked crab legs for everyone and this year we had a DJ and he also did Karaoke....things got pretty amusing as the night went by..we saw some awesome duets by The Jenkins and the Galbergs...eventually it was the men that kind of took over...seems like we heard a lot of Johnny Cash and Lynyrd Skynyrd...what a combo!! Some of us met back up at the clubhouse tonight...Reese fixed more crablegs for everyone...I am not really of fan of crablegs but Tyler got to come up and he ate a ton!! I love our Sunday nights up at the pool...hard to believe that next weekend will be our last weekend to go up there. At least we have Bunco and Dinner Club to look forward to over the winter months..

Jillian had her first performance today for cheerleading. Her group did the 1/2 time show during one of the King's youth football games. They did a cheer and a dance...it was at 2:00 and it was so hot but they all did a great job...she loves cheering!!

Enough rambling for now...have a good week...

A little get away...

2008-08-17T20:59:00.004-04:00

We had a great weekend! Jillian turned 5 on Friday. Bret and I both took the day off and we drove up to Vermilion for the weekend. Jillian has been asking to go to the beach for a while so the four of us went to Huron and spent a great day playing in the sand, building sand castles and jumping in the waves. The weather was absolutely perfect and it was just nice to spend the day together doing something we all enjoyed. On Friday night we went out with Kay and Dean and Amanda and Jason while the kids had dinner with Grandma and Papa Deel. We sat on the river and enjoyed watching the boats go by.

On Saturday my sister Vicki and her husband Todd had a great cookout. We celebrated Jillian's b-day and my Dad's b-day. The weather was perfect. We spent most of the day in the pool and then we had a great fire that evening. We had all of our family and my aunt and uncle and three cousins came in from Detroit. Most of Todd's family were there also to participate in a race this morning so we had quite the gathering. Their home is so great for entertaining with the pool, the basketball court, etc. Dad even let the kids all get on the golf cart and the four wheeler and ride back thru the trail in the woods...the kids had a blast.

This morning Todd and some of his family participated in a Triathlon/Duathlon (sp)..we Middleton's just slept in but we were cheering for them in spirit!! Todd finished first in his division and his brother Jeff finished 4th in his - Congrats!!! This afternoon we ordered pizzas and everyone gathered back at Todd and Vicki's for more swimming and family time....it was another great day.

Speaking of races, we are building quite the team for the Race for the Cure in September...we have almost 30 registered and probably another 15 that say they will register...Team Ta-Ta's will be quite the group on September 14th!!!

It was nice to spend time together...we stayed with Kay and Dean so we were able to spend some quality time with them and and I appreciate Todd and Vicki having all of us over there 2 times...that is a lot of people to entertain but they do a VERY NICE job. Poor Jillian just cried and cried when we got in the van to leave...she loves playing with Todd's nieces...it didn't take long for her to fall asleep once we got on the road so she and I snoozed for quite a while...

It's almost time for school to start...Tyler starts on Tuesday and Jillian starts on Thursday. I didn't think Jillian would worry at all about going to the "big" school but last Thursday night she cried and said she just wanted to stay at her old school...looks like we may have some drama this week. I think she will be fine when she sees all her friends there..I can't believe my baby starts kindergarten...

Have a good week!

Happy Birthday!!!

2008-08-13T07:02:00.002-04:00

Two very special people to me have birthdays today!!

Happy Birthday to my Dad, Clyde Deel!! Looking forward to celebrating with you this weekend. Love you!!

Happy Birthday Heather! You are such a good friend and have been such a big help to us this past year...want to go out and celebrate your b-day again tonight?? Just kidding, I still haven't recuperated from Saturday night...I'm too old for that stuff!

Have a fantastic day!

A whirlwind weekend...

2008-08-10T20:28:00.004-04:00

First of all it was so good to hear from Sue! Glad they are all home and resting.

We have had a crazy weekend. Friday night we went to a great pool party at Ron and Peggy's...it was the perfect summer evening. First thing on Saturday morning Jillian had her cheerleading camp...from there we went to her and Ava's party at Run, Jump and Play. We had 27 kids show up so it was a lot of fun. I never knew how nice it was to have someone else do ALL the work at a party so that was a nice way to go and Jillian had a great time. Her actual b-day is not until the 15th and that is kind of confusing her this year...she thinks she turned 5 on Saturday...Saturday evening a group of the Strawberry Hill babes hit the town to celebrate Heather's upcoming b-day. We started at the Melting Pot...we did the cheese fondue and then went straight to the chocolate...OMG, it was so yummy. After that we went to a bar called the Porch of All Sorts...not sure about porches but we sure saw people of all sorts...the $5 cover charge was worth it just to people watch. They had a pretty good "house band" playing so we kicked our heels up until Midnight. Once we made it back to Strawberry Hill and dropped Heather off the rest of us decided to move on down the hill to a scary little bar called the "Monkey Bar." This place was nuts...very tiny block building built right on the river...it did not appear that the Ohio ban on smoking had any affect on the patrons here and with some of the guys it seemed that clothing was optional (just shirts). We joined right in with the friendly crowd as they were doing some of the very worst karaoke I have ever heard in my life...we finished up about 1:30 with a few of the Strawberry Hill Babes doing an awesome version of Love Shack...wow, what a night!

This morning Jillian and I went with Heather and her family to see the musical Beauty and the Beast and we had a very nice brunch before the show...this was Jillian's first time in a real theater and she absolutely loved it...it was a special b-day treat for her. Tonight we met up with a few families at the pool for dinner...it's hard to believe that the pool will be closing soon...while we were out last night we started talking about relationships and friends...when we talk about things like this I always remember how lucky we are to have such great friends and what a great place we are at right now in our lives...we really enjoy being with our friends and just have so much fun together...we are very blessed!

I did have a minor medical issue this past week...I was having some dizzy spells and my feet were swelling pretty bad...of course when anything hurts or goes wrong with your head after a cancer diagnosis you always first think - brain tumor. I decided to call my family doc and when I got in to see him my blood pressure was really high...something like 140/99...he said most people don't really feel symptoms when their BP goes up but I am someone that obviously does...anyway, have yet another new drug to add to my list of daily meds...thank God for my pill box...I would have never thought at 40 that I would need a stupid little pill dispenser box..jeez, I even have the one with the AM side and the PM side...oh my, I am getting old...

Friday JD Update!!

2008-08-04T18:40:00.005-04:00

JD was going home today...the follow up MRI showed no signs of residual tumor!! YEAH!! Hopefully we will have a post from our Sweet Sue sometime soon!!

I heard from Sue last night. The surgery went very well, quicker than expected. JD was in some pain last night but she was hoping they would take care of that soon. Today they will do a follow up MRI to confirm that the entire tumor was removed...please say a prayer for good news, restfull healing for JD and peace for Sue and Jack as JD recovers...thanks!

Many of you know my good friend Sue and some of you just know her from her supportive, sweet and funny comments that she has posted here on my blog. Sue and I met back in 1986 and have been friends ever since even though we have lived in different parts of the country....she is one of those types of people that you know will always be there for you and be a true friend for life... She has mentioned her son JD (in her comments) and that they went thru a lot a few years ago. In 2005 they discovered that JD had a benign brain tumor...he has had a couple of surgeries to attempt to remove it and radiation. As of the last time they radiated it, the tumor was very small and they have been following it by doing MRI's. They were very happy that the tumor was not showing any change...unfortunately, last week the report from his last MRI showed that the tumor had grown again.

JD will be having surgery to remove the entire tumor on Tuesday. Sue says that he is doing great...for those of you that don't know him he did amazingly well with all of this before - quite the miracle child with an amazing spirit and his Dad's sense of humor at his young age of 12!! I remember being at the hospital the day JD was born..Jack came out of the delivery room carrying his son with tears in his eyes and the proudest expression on his face. Sue and I had big plans for Tyler and JD...they would grow up together and be best of pals like their dads. I can remember when we would get them together as toddlers and they would argue constantly..it would drive us nuts!! Unfortunately, Lithonia messed up our plans to raise the boys together but our families have stayed close over the years....

Please take a moment to say a prayer for JD and Sue and Jack and their entire family...tomorrow will be a long day for them and they need all the prayers and support that we can offer. This is so tough on Sue and Jack...I can only imagine how hard it is to see your child go thru something this scary....you are terrified but you have to remain strong for the child.. Please also say a prayer for the surgeon and the other members of the medical team that they are able to safely remove the tumor and provide the best care possible for JD during his time in their care.

Not much new to report with the Middleton clan..we had a great weekend spending time with friends up at the pool and on Saturday it was finally cool enough to use our outdoor fireplace and have some folks over for s'mores! Yummy! On Saturday morning I went and had my hair colored...I just felt like the color was dull and too brown...now I am a redhead again....it just makes me feel more like ME again. Chad styled it differently than what I had been doing...in my mind it kind of looks like I am standing in front of a high power fan that is about to blow me away but all the comments I got over the weekend were good so I decided to stick with it and go for the change. Tyler is at his first night of football practice tonight. Jillian and I just finished making 30 treat bags for her big birthday bash this weekend at Run, Jump and Play...she is having it with her friend Ava from school and it should be quite the social event for the Kings pre-k group and friends...

Thanks for your prayers for JD and his family...I will post an update after his surgery.