Sunday Update...last one of 2008!

I cannot believe that Christmas is over and in just a few days it will be 2009. I am looking forward to this year being over and 2009 being a much better year. I hope everyone had a good Christmas. Ours was very nice except that Bret had the horrible head cold that has been floating around Cinci the past few weeks. He started feeling bad the day before Christmas Eve and really just started feeling better today.

On Christmas Eve our family went out to dinner and then came home and tried to get the kids to bed early....Jillian was a complete SPAZ! She was so excited about Christmas and just could not settle down. Tyler didn't think there was any reason for him to go to bed early and kept reminding me that this is his "winter break"...so Bret was the first to go to sleep....after putting out cookies, writing a letter to Santa and putting reindeer food out in the yard Jillian finally wound down and fell asleep. I had to then get Bret back up to "help me get ready for Santa to arrive". Once things settled down and the house was quiet I had a yummy cup of hot chocolate and just laid on the couch by the Christmas Tree. It was so peaceful and relaxing. I took the time to look at all of our special ornaments from activities that the kids have participated in or vacations that we have taken. The holidays can be so hectic it was nice just to slow down for a few minutes and reflect on the past year and think of all the blessings in my life. I also said some special prayers for those people in our lives that are stuggling right now.

The kids had a blast on Christmas morning opening their gifts. Jillians big gift was a karaoke machine and Tyler's was an I-pod. They both seemed very happy with everything. After that we packed up and headed to my Mom and Dad's. It was nice to spend the evening with them and Kay and Dean and the kids came out to visit. The next morning Kay and I headed out for some power shopping and then later that day we all got together at Vicki's for a pizza party. It was nice for us all to be together..we came home the next morning. We had planned to stay longer that day but Bret was really feeling lousy and I was afraid that he was spreading all those germs to everyone else.

Today we put all the indoor decorations away and then went over to celebrate Amanda's 40th birthday!! Tomorrow it's back to work for Bret and I and then another 4 day weekend coming up! Yippee!!

No, They're Not Real...the real ones tried to Kill Me!

Here is a pic from my last treatment...the nurses had asked me to wear my Save the Ta-Tas T that I wore for my last chemo but I found this one and thought it was more appropriate....it got a lot of laughs! We are getting ready to go out for a Christmas Party...I will write more later!!

Tuesday -

Just finished baking cookies with the kids and decided to sit down and get caught up on here. Wow, I can't believe that tomorrow is Christmas Eve. Tyler mentioned something about Christmas Eve last year and I couldn't remember what he was talking about it. The more I thought about it I realized I have no recollection of Christmas Eve at all last year. My Mom says that's a good thing...I don't know. I know I was not feeling good but it's just hard to believe that I don't remember anything from that day.

I have to work tomorrow which is a bummer...first time I have EVER worked on Christmas Eve...it will be slow at work and I doubt they will let us leave early.

We have been busy just like everyone else wrapping up those last details before Christmas. We had our Middleton Family Christmas on Sunday which was very nice..the kids had a great time playing together and it was fun to get caught up with family.

My last treatment of Herceptin was kind of surreal. Unfortunately, it took 3 nurses several tries and about 45 minutes to get my IV started...my arm looked like a pin cushion but Diane finally hit a vein. I didn't go to sleep like I usually did..just chatted with the nurses and reflected back on all my treatments. I watched those last precious drops of Herceptin slowly drip into the IV and it was really kind of scary but exciting at the same time. They have all been so good to me so there were lots of hugs when they finally took out my IV. I actually will go back in January to see Dr. B for my three month check up and my Lupron shot so they can't get rid of me that easily!! Going forward I will just go back to see him every 3 months for follow ups.

On Friday night we went out with a group of friends to celebrate my last treatment...I was in the mood to dance! It was a fun night and I really appreciated everyone coming out to celebrate with us. We went to a club that had a live band...I think my ear drums are still trying to recover...I think that is definetely a sign of old age when you think the band is too loud...

Yesterday I had another follow up with the plastic surgeon. She said I can finally quit wearing the bra at night...YIPPEE!! We reviewed all my "issues"...dent on right side...new dent starting to appear above left breast...little pocket forming on the underside of left breast..etc. She said the "pocket" could probably be fixed pretty easily with a little nip and tuck during the next surgery. The dents are not that easy. She said we could consider doing a lift on both breasts to try to fill in that area and/or go up to 800cc implants. For right now we are just going to give it more time and see how things look in February when I see her for the next follow up.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas! I know I have so much to be thankful for this year and have been enjoying the holiday season!!

Yahoo!! Last Herceptin treatment this week!

I can't believe it's time....I am looking forward to having my last treatment Wednesday but it is also a little scary....being in treatment is in some way comforting...I guess you think the meds are keeping you healthy. Oh well, a new part of the journey - just have to get my head around it now.

Things are busy as we get close to Christmas. I am so thankful to be out there enjoying everything this year that I had to miss last year. I went to two fun Christmas parties on Wednesday night. On Thursday I had a great dinner out with Melissa for her 35th b-day. On Friday I took a vacation day so Penny and I had a great time shopping in the shops in Lebanon and having a nice lunch and the historic Golden Lamb. On Saturday morning I took Jillian and a couple of the neighbor girls to a "Princess Prom"...they had fun spending time with the "big girl" princesses doing crafts, having story time and dancing. I did some Christmas shopping while they were there. Later in the day Bret and I went to an open house at the Clarke's and then came back to Strawberry Hill for our neighborhood x-mas party. When I got home at midnight I started making candy and then got up and finished with that this morning. This afternoon we went to the Strawberry Hill kid's x-mas party...all the kids loved spending time with Santa and Mrs. Claus. The weather is nice here today so this evening we added some more decorations outside...whew..it's been a busy few days but we're having fun!

The first snow...

It it certainly starting to look like Christmas around here. It snowed all day yesterday - we didn't have a lot but the kids did get to get out and play in it today. Jillian and I went with some friends Saturday morning to a Breakfast with Santa and Mrs. Claus, they had lots of crafts for the kids to make so they all had a good time. Last night was my monthly bunco night with the Strawberry Hill girls...we all pulled out our "tackiest" Christmas attire and dressed up for the evening. Carissa won the prize for the night..she even had red, green and gold plaid pants to finish off her look. It was a late bunco night....some of us sat around gabbing until after 1:00 am...needless to say, I was slow getting out of the bed today! Today we all went up to the clubhouse for our annual Bengals party/Chili cook-off...yes, the Bengals suck but the chili was good!

We finally got our tree put up on Friday night and I finished the Christmas cards tonight so I am feeling more prepared for Christmas each day. This just seems like a short month with way too many activities packed into it!

Sue's son, JD, will do his second round of chemo tomorrow....he did amazingly well with the first one. Please say a prayer for all of them as they continue on this journey....

Love to all!

Black Friday...I missed it!

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving...we had a wonderful day. Our cousin Linda, her husband Keith and their son Alex were here visiting. The kids played great together and it was fun catching up with Linda and Keith after so many years. Bret fried a turkey and it turned out perfect...just got done eating leftovers tonight - Yummy! I had a hard time falling asleep last night so I couldn't get motivated to get out and shop today...instead I took a three hour nap so now I am kind of bouncing off the walls! I got all the fall decorations put away today and am slowly pulling out some of the Christmas decorations while Jillian is sleeping...I can't stand the chaos if we pull it all out at once and she starts pulling it all out....not sure when we will do our tree...maybe tomorrow or Sunday. I am really looking forward to the holidays this year....last year is just a blur...I remember thinking I just wanted to get thru it and have them over with...things will be different this year...I told Tyler..."Mommy is back in the game!!"

My appt. with Dr. K. on Monday was disapointing...she has doubts that we can do much to fix the dent...there is also an area on my lower left breast that is puckering out into a small pocket...she thinks it is an area where the remaining skin and tissue is too thin so the implant is protruding. So, I still have my trainwreck foobs and we just need to give them some time to see how things settle after a while. She said we can try fat transfer but a lot of times that ends up lumpy which would just make things look worse....I am trying to settle my mind that maybe I will just be the poster child of breast cancer and bad reconstruction results.

Dr. K. is almost always right on time but at this appt. she was running late. As I sat in the waiting room one of Dr. B.'s breast cancer patients and her husband came in...we recognized each other right away...I had spoken with them on the day that she had her first chemo back in the summer...they are a very nice couple. She is getting ready to have her mastectomy so she was asking me lots of questions. After a few minutes a young lady that was also in the waiting room joined in our conversation. She told us she has expanders in right now and is getting ready for her exchange. She said that she was really having a hard time with all of this and just felt very alone...like no one else really knew what she was going thru. She asked me some questions about the exchange and then she continued to talk with the other gal while I went back to see Dr. K. While I was waiting in the exam room I wrote down my email address and the young survival web address. After I saw Dr. K and went back into the waiting room I went back to her to wish her luck with her upcoming surgery and to give her my info. She also gave me her card and said she would love to have someone to talk to. It was just so sad to see three young women all sitting there in various stages of having their breast removed and reconstructed...I made a comment about that when I saw Dr. K. and she said she is seeing more and more young women all the time...why is this? Are we finding cancers earlier, are we being more agressive with treatments? I don't know but I just hope that no one believes that breast cancer is easy to treat or that we are beating this horrible disease...we need more research to find better treatments and we need women to be better educated about their risks in their earlier years.


My Herceptin treatment on Tuesday went fine. Now that I no longer have a port poor Sharon has to fight with my horrible veins to start my IV....it took a while but she finally found one in the back of my hand. This was treatment 17 out of 18...it's hard to believe that I have sat in those chemo chairs that many times...plus 5 chemotherapy treatments...it's been 13 months. It will be weird to not go there every 3 weeks....I know I will have some fear of moving away from treatment and I am so thankful for the drug Herceptin....If I had been diagnosed b4 this drug was approved my prognosis would have much, much worse.
The chemo treatment room was full when I arrived on Tuesday....I took one of the last chairs and once I settled in with my water and blanket I looked over at the girl sitting directly across from me. She was there with her husband and mom...I saw the syringe containing the "red devil" hanging from her IV pole so I assumed she was being treated for breast cancer. She was very young and I could hear Sharon going over all the risks and side affects of the treatment she was getting...after Sharon did "the push" of the Red Devil it was hard not to notice that she was crying...my heart was just breaking for her and the journey that she was just beginning. A little later her mother-in-law came in with lunch for all of them. We both finished treatment about the same time. I had written her a short note telling her about the online support group that I belong to and I also gave her my email address and told her that she could email me if she had any questions or just needed to find someone that understood what she was going thru...I gave the note to her mother-in-law and went on my way...I have thought a lot about her this weekend and hope that she is doing well after her first treatment.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Sunday update

Well, the weekend is almost over but we only have a 3 day work week..YEAH! I will go see Dr. K. for a follow up tomorrow...I am anxious to see what her opinion is on my "dent"...I really hate it...I know that a lot of people say they don't notice it but it just makes me feel disfiguered....On Tuesday I will go for Herceptin treatment...after this one I only have 1 to go...that is so hard to comprehend...I have been doing this for a year.

Not much new with us. Bret and I went to see Harry Connick Jr. on Wednesday..it was a holiday concert. We had great seats - Thanks again Mom - this was one of my best bb-day presents ever. Harry and his band are incredible musicians...it was a beautiful concert. The Taft theater is small so the music just sounded so good...Last night we totally switched gears and went to the 1st Annual Rusty Ball. This is a fundraising event put together by a local 80s band called the Rusty Griswolds...they have quite a following here in Cinci. The event was at the Northern KY Convention Center. Bret and I volunteered to work at the "will call" ticket table. That turned out to be fun. Quite a few people dressed up in 80s attire...others were just decked out for a big night out on the town...the scary ones were the people that you didn't know if they were trying to dress in an 80s style or if they thought they were in style...

There was quite a large turnout for this being the 1st annual..I would guess between 800-1000. Since I am not allowed to dance I was hoping we could get a table close to the dancefloor and just watch...unfortunately the room wasn't really set up for that so we were home by 11:00. The music was pretty loud and my back was bothering me...gosh, sometimes I act so old!! Speaking of my back still bothering me...Bret keeps telling me that Dr. K is going to say I need a breast reduction...that is something I have never heard of after reconstruction....that would be just my luck!

I want to ask everyone to pray for Sue's son JD again. He will start chemo tomorrow. He has been so very brave but I just hate that he has to go thru this...He will do 4-6 months of chemo and then 6 months of an oral chemo..they have quite a journey ahead of them...here is a link to their caringbridge site http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/jdtaylor2
They have so many people reaching out to them to support them, pray for them or help in any way and I am thankful for that.

Brr..winter has arrived in Ohio

I wanted to share a couple Halloween pics....we had such a great Halloween! We had lots of friends over for a pitch in dinner, all the kids went trick or treating and we sat around the fire....the first Halloween pic was taken at work. A few of us dressed up that day. I really am surprised that I even did it...I have ALWAYS hated dressing up for Halloween..not sure what got in to me this year....

I also added a new pic so you all can see the new foobs! Hey - check out those bangs in that photo...I have been dying to have some bangs...they sure do grow SLOW!! Not sure why it looks like my face is so greasy...maybe I was having a hot flash when Bret took that pic and I didn't even notice..

Things with me are fine...I went back to work on Wednesday. I was very tired...for some reason my back is really hurting...I think I am trying to sit up very straight to keep these stupid underwires from jabbing me so bad...after a while that makes my back hurt. Everything seems to be healing just fine...I think the swelling has gone down and I see that my "dent" is still there. That was a huge bummer to see but we just have to see how everything "settles" and then go from there. I will see Dr. K. for another follow up next Monday.

Jillian lost a tooth today so she is anxious for the Tooth Fairy to visit...for some reason she looked at me tonight before she fell asleep and said "I don't ever want you to take medicine again that makes your hair fall out and I don't ever want you to go to surgery again"...I didn't know what to say back...I just hugged her...cancer sucks!

It is freezing here! We have had a few flurries yesterday and today...I guess it's time.

Stay warm!!

Follow up appt.

My appt. with Dr. K. went fine today...as soon as she walked in and shut the door I was unzipping that horrible surgical bra and pulling that baby off. She said everything looks ok. The right side is a little higher than the left but when we looked back at the pics they were that way with the expanders. She would still like for them to come in closer together so she taught me how to massage them....yep, I have to train these babies....3 times a day! I am sure Bret would be happy to take care of that "work" for me!

She said my incisions look fine and I just need to take it easy with the arms for a few more weeks...I guess I won't be running any marathons any time soon...I had taken my new bra with me so I put that one on and happily pitched the tortuous surgical bra into the trash can. Sadly, the new underwire doesn't feel a whole lot better...I have had on 3 different types today in hopes of finding one that doesn't feel so uncomfortable. Oh well, no pain, no gain!

I peaked!

When Dr. K finished my surgery she put another horrible, tight fitting surgical bra on me and then packed it full of gauze...she wanted to keep everything right where she put it and told us no shower and just leave everything alone until we saw her tomorrow....the first few days I would just kind of pull the bra open at the top and try to look in....couldn't see a whole lot but what I saw looked pretty good....the main thing I noticed is that the right side no longer look like it was sunken in...that was promising! Yesterday I went to take a nap and just couldn't get to sleep...the stupid bra is so tight and it just digs into both incisions underneath my foobs. I started thinking about the bra that Dr. K. told me to bring with me to the appt on Monday...she told me I needed a firm underwire bra and that I will need to wear it for 24 hours a day for an entire month...I have never been a fan of underwires...they just don't seem to be too comfy for "apple" shaped gals like me. But, before my surgery I did buy a nice white underwire bra...Yesterday, when I should have been napping I had the urge to try that bra on....I kept telling myself that I was not supposed to do it but finally the curiosity got the best of me...I took off the surgical bra and was hoping that all the gauze would just stay in the right position so it would be easier to put back on...oops...that didn't work out! As soon as I unzipped that bra all the gauze popped right out on the floor...I went ahead and put on my new bra and I was so excited...it was a C cup and one side was really filled in nice...the left side seems to still be pushing a little out so the inside of the cup was not quite filled out but still these foobs looked so much better than those crazy expanders. Jillian was napping and Tyler was in the basement so I grabbed a robe and went downstairs to where my Mom, sister and Bret were watching TV...I walked in the room like a Victoria's Secret model (yeah right!), opened the robe and said "Look how great these things look!" I think they were a little surprised but they all agreed that Dr. K had made some damn nice foobs! It was a good feeling...I was just really convinced that we would not have a good outcome and I would just always view my chest as a complete trainwreck....there may be a ton of scars going every which way but at least when I have clothes on I think I may be able to feel like I look normal again....

Recovery from this surgery has been slower than I expected. The day of surgery went well...Bret and I got to the surgicare area and they started prepping me right away. I had a very nice nurse and things were just fine until it was time for the IV. Her first attempt was on the inside of my arm by my elbow...she poked and poked and finally said she would need to try another spot...this is where they normally remove the needle and get a new one out....she decided she would leave this needle dangling from my arm just in case she needed to come back to that area and try again...What???!!! My nerves were already pretty frazzled but I just kept quiet as she decided the next best place to try would be the inside of my wrist...before she started she thought it would be helpful to tell me that this is one of the most painful areas to access because of the tendons..so in goes the needle and she can't hit a vein. I normally don't think this process hurts too bad but she started pushing and digging and pushing and digging like she almost forgot there was a human being attached to that arm ... the tears started flowing...I wanted to just slap her with my free hand!! Finally, she hit a vein and got out of the room as fast as she could. I was trying to "suck it up" and in walked Dr. K to mark me up...when she asked how I was doing I started crying again and said "I hate those DAMN IVs"..she looked to see where mine was and agreed that it was a hard spot to have one. After that drama things settled down. Dr. K. got out her sharpie and marked me up and then they finally let Bret come in with me. I had the same anesthesiologist that I had for my mastectomy...she is the BEST! (Thanks Carissa for setting that up for me again) She and another nurse came in to go over everything. We were all joking about foobs and they were asking me what size I wanted and they said they would be happy to speak on my behalf during the surgery!! They both commented on how they like to do these types of surgeries because it means that the woman is moving on to the next stage and starting to live life again...they really do have wonderful staff at Good Sam Hospital. As they wheeled me off to the OR Bret's final words were "don't be afraid to go big Honey!!" The girls got a chuckle out of that one! I remember going in to the operating room...we all started asking Dr. K about her new baby girl who was just 6 weeks old on that day...she pulled out some pics for all of us to look at....it just kind of seems funny to think of that scene...kind of like a bunch of girls just hanging out...I like it that way!

The next thing I rememember is being in recovery....I did not have any nausea which was so wonderful. I just kept asking for a drink because my mouth was so dry...after a while they took me back to my room and I was able to have a Pepsi and try to eat some crackers...before long they were loading me into a wheel chair and we were on the way home.

The first night was long...I couldn't sleep very well. I think I might have been having some odd reaction to one of the anesthesia meds...I had a weird itching sensation that would wake me up on a different part of my body over and over....I never did have a rash and that ended the next day. They wanted me to take Oxycodone for the pain and I was still wearing a nausea patch behind my ear....I think the combination of the two just really screwed my head up....by Wednesday night I decided I would rather be in pain than feel so messed up in the head so we pulled the patch and switched over to Tylenol for the pain....each day it has been easier to get around but the incision pain is constant...that sucks but it is tolerable.

Bret has taken such good care of me....we once again came up with a creative way to shower me without taking off the crazy bra and this time around he even got to find a way to wash my hair. I don't think that any woman could ask for her husband to take better care of her and the kids than what he has done...I am very blessed!

My sister, Kay, and my Mom came down to stay with us for the weekend. By request, my Mom made her wonderful Chicken & Dumplings yesterday...they were so good...Jillian even told Grandma she deserved a High 5!! It was so nice to have them here...we sat around this morning and talked a lot about our grandparents and Mom told us a lot of things about them that we were too young to remember...our grandparents lived so far away when we were growing up so we didn't really get to know them very well. I am so glad that my kids do have that opportunity...they love their grandparents! I hated to see them leave this morning but we really enjoyed their visit..after that I took a very long nap.

Thanks to all of you for the cards, prayers, gifts, food, phone calls, etc. after this surgery. It certainly has been a long journey and I just feel so blessed with your continued support...Love - Jan

Thursday Update

I'm sorry, I thought I updated this yesterday but forgot to publish it. Jan is doing fine. As Kay said, she came through great. She's had trouble getting good sleep, but is napping on/off. She quit taking her pain pills last night and swithced to asprin. I suspect she'll be out of bed some today and will update this with more detail. Thanks to everyone for the calls, support and prayers.

JAN UPDATE

Bret just called to announce the arrival of Jan and Bret's identical twins, Gummy and Bear. Bret did not give me the weight or size (Jan probably won't either) but Bret informs me Jan and the twins are doing just great!

All jokes aside, at 2:45 Bret called and Jan was out of surgery and he had just talked to the surgeon. He said Jan did just fine and they will be coming home tonight. He said the surgeon seemed pleased with the results. We then lost the connection so I couldn't get any more details.

I will keep you all posted if Bret doesn't have time to update you.

Thanks to all for your love, support and prayers!!

Kay

Today's the day....

Well, I am up and ready to go...too bad we don't have to be there for a couple more hours! I am feeling fine and just ready to get this part over with. I had my Herceptin treatment yesterday...it was kind of cool knowing that it was the last time I would use my port...I had it put in on Oct 30th of last year so it is time for it to go! Thanks to Carissa who has arranged for me to have another great anesthesia team at Good Sam Hospital...you are too good to me! Thanks to Heather for helping out with Jillian and keeping her tonight.

You all have read the wonderful, supportive, funny comments from my friend Sue here on my blog. She has talked about what they have been thru with JD and his brain tumor....unfortunately, last week they found out that the tumor has grown again and now they will do surgery (his 5th) and follow that up with chemotherapy. It has been such a tough week for them and I wanted to ask for prayers as JD goes into surgery tomorrow. Here is the link to his blog - http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/jdtaylor2

My surgery doesn't start until 12:30 so it will probably be late before we have any updates. We will get a message out here as soon as possible.

Thanks to all of you for your constant love and support - it means the world to us!!

Countdown to the new squishy foobs..

While most of you are out voting on Tuesday I will be finally getting my new foobs (fake boobs). It’s just so hard to believe that it’s finally time…it seems like such a long time ago that all this started. My surgery will be at 1:00 on Tuesday. I am also going to get my port removed by Dr. K. I think back to when I first heard about these “foreign objects” being placed in my chest…I remember worrying that just the thought of them would drive me insane but really it hasn’t been too bad. I am thankful that I had the port because it made chemo and my Herceptin treatments go so much better (only 3 more Herceptin treatments to go - WOW!. The expanders have been uncomfortable but I wouldn’t really describe them as painful…just something that took some time to get used to. My latest “pet” name for them is “weathervane”…I swear that one points east and one points west….I just keep hoping the PS can do some magic and pull these babies back to where they belong!

I went down to the hospital for a pre-op appt on Tuesday…I think I have more anxiety with these surgeries than I realize. While I was waiting to be called back by the nurse I could tell that I was sweating and starting to feel kind of sick….just like the last time I went for pre-op. I had the same nurse that I had for my lumpectomy….you might be surprised that I can remember that but on that day she couldn’t get my IV in and at this appt. she couldn’t hit a vein to draw blood…after much poking and prodding she finally got one between my knuckles…if they try to put an IV in that same spot next week I will FREAK OUT…call my a big baby but that spot hurts. I really do dread the anesthesia…I am not afraid of it from a standpoint of worrying that I won’t wake up or afraid that it won’t take affect I just hate getting sick afterwards…maybe I will get lucky and not get sick but I can’t help dreading it. I also hate the way I feel those first couple days after surgery…it just seems like it takes so long for me to get that crap out of my head.

The surgery is an outpatient procedure so I will be home late that day. I plan to be off work until the following Wednesday. The ps said I have to limit how much I move my arms…the main objective is to keep the new foobs right where she puts them and let the tissue heal around them. I have to wear that uncomfortable surgical bra for a week and then an underwire bra 24 hours a day for a month….I have to admit I have gotten used to not wearing a bra these last few months so this will take some getting used to.

That’s enough about surgery…I guess I haven’t done a hair update for a while. My curls just seem to get curlier and overall my hair seems to grow out and up (think Beaker from the Muppets) instead of down…some days I wonder if I will ever have any length. I can actually wear a headband now so that is kind of fun to add accessories.

Everything else is going fine…October has been such a busy month! My 41st b-day was a great one…much better than 40! A few days after my birthday I met up with Cheryl in Indianapolis…we stayed at a great hotel downtown, did some shopping and lots of catching up….it was a PERFECT getaway with my dear friend. On Saturday I had the best pedicure of my life in a wonderful little spa downtown and then I headed home. I got “detoured” by a new casino that is between Indy and Cinci…I spent a few hours there…lost some money and then came home. I took that Friday off and went with Jillian’s class to a pumpkin patch…I don’t get the chance to go on fieldtrips with her so that was a special treat. It really was a fun morning except for getting bus sick on the way and being stuck with another kid that had some behavior issues…I also had to walk a mile with her to the port a potty and then wait for what seemed like an hour for her to do her “business”…just my Luck! At the end of the trip I managed to bum a ride with one of the other parents and bypassed the bus sickness for the ride home!

Tyler’s football team finished their season undefeated – Go Knights! He just got braces this week so he is getting used to that…he is doing the Invisalign so if you look at him you wouldn’t even know he has them on…

Jillian is excited for Halloween. She will be a tiger. We plan to have a big group over for dinner and all the kids will go trick or treating together…it is supposed to be a great day here tomorrow so it should be a very fun night. The Moms plan to stay behind and hand out candy…we are going to move the firepit out to the front yard so we can stay nice and warm.

Happy Halloween!!!

Everything is Pink!

We just finished hosting Dinner Club for our neighborhood so I thought I would sit down and try to get caught up. We had a very fun evening with a great crowd and great food..the weather was perfect so we were able to sit out by the fire and the guys played cornhole. The party was a tailgate theme....you all know how I love my themes! I had my Halloween decorations, tailgate decor and then I had the coffee table set up with all kinds of yummy pink stuff as a breast cancer awareness area.

Have you noticed how much pink stuff is out there for October....I can remember that last year I really just tried to avoid all of it....I had become a member of a club that I didn't want to join...now I am ok with it but I still cannot believe some of the stuff that they have out there....I just can't see many people buying a pink blender??!!

I have had a couple appointments since my last update. I saw the plastic surgeon a few weeks ago for a final fill...unfortunately, she is not being very optimistic about getting a good outcome with my final surgery. The expanders have spread out so far and she just isn't sure how much she can do to get the final implants to be in the correct area. It's hard to believe that it is less than a month away. I will also be getting my port out that day. I guess I have gotten used to having all these foreign objects stuck in me....I love to sleep on my side but I know how to position an extra pillow next to me so it doesn't feel like I am laying on a softball. My surgery date is November 4th - election day...last year I was supposed to have my mastectomy on election day...kind of an odd coincidence....

I saw Dr. B. a few weeks ago and told him about the dizzy spells I was having in the evening. I had also fallen on the stairs so it was something we needed to check out. He decided to order an MRI...I had that test done this past week and it came back fine which was a huge relief. He thinks it may be some of my medications that are causing these problems but it could also be menopause...there are just no easy answers when it comes to this crap...the bad thing is that when anything comes up the first thought is always that the cancer has come back and is spreading...thank goodness for tests..

Well, that's all for now...the rest of the Middleton's are fine. Jillian is loving cheerleading...she was in the homecoming parade on Friday night which was so cute! Tyler just got back from his 8th grade Washington DC trip last weekend and he really enjoyed that..

Thanks for checking in....Think Pink!

Finally catching up...

As I said in my quick post earlier this week things have been nuts around here...let me see if I can get caught up.

Bret added a lot of pics for you to see from the Race for the Cure.

This is a quick description of each from the top down
-My family
-Jillian and Amanda with the Wicked Witch..not sure why she was there..
-Jillian walking
-Tyler running - Yep! Tyler ran the 5K...we were so proud of him!!
-A shot of the survivors as they received gift bags (yep, more pink chip clips)
-Team Ta-Tas members that I work with at LSI
-Team Ta-Tas members that live in Strawberry Hill
-kid shots
-All of the 2008 Team Ta-Tas Members --WE ROCK!!
-Race shot
-Me and Vicki - we were co-captains for the team...

On Friday my two sisters and their families came down for the weekend to participate in the Race for the Cure with us. Kay and Dean and the kids were staying with us and Vicki and Todd stayed in a hotel nearby...it was fun having a house full of people for the weekend. On Friday night Bret put together a little poker tournament so the guys played in that along with some neighbors and friends...they raised over $200 (and drank a few beers!)

On Saturday morning Vicki and Kay and I went to a fundraiser breakfast for the walk...we were guests of my friend Melissa who was also in charge of the event..she did a wonderful job of putting everything together. The Marketing Director for the Komen affiliate in Cincinnati was there and she asked me if I would be willing to speak at future events and share my story...I told her absolutely...I would love to do that and hopefully help someone else by sharing my experience..After the breakfast we loaded all the family up and headed down to the river for some sightseeing...it was a fun afternoon but it was HOT!! I think we had 100% humidity and the temps were in the high 80s all weekend until the storm blew in...

On Sunday morning we all got up very early to go to the walk...it was hot and muggy again but we were all looking pretty cool in our Team Ta-Tas shirts! I think we had between 45-50 of our team members show up and we raised over $2500! The day before the walk they had almost 400 TEAMS registered and we had one of the larger ones! They were planning on approx. 12,000 people to walk...I have not heard how many were actually there but it was pretty overwhelming to see so many people there walking in memory of someone that lost their battle with breast cancer or in honor of someone that is battling breast cancer. All of the sponsors of the event had booths set up and they were giving out "freebies"..we gathered up pink ribbon chip clips, pink ribbon bottles of water, Ford pink scarves, Energizer Bunny pink rabbit ears and the list goes on and on....after the walk they had a survivors ceremony...this was the part of the walk that I wasn't sure how it would feel to attend. There were a ton of women there in the pink survivor shirts of all ages. I kind of sat off to the side and I still don't think it really sank in that I was a "member" of this club...I still felt like I was on the other side...organizing the team and trying to raise money...that is the role that I was comfortable with because I had done something similar for so many years with the March of Dimes. It's just hard to describe the emotions..that was my one year "cancerversary" and my first big event to attend as a survivor..I think I just felt kind of numb.....

The one year mark certainly brought up a lot of mixed emotions. As the date got closer it seemed like I found myself thinking about the day that I was diagnosed more and more....everything that happened that day is so crystal clear in my mind...the peaceful drive down to the doctor's office downtown on a beautiful morning, the mammogram, the tech coming back in saying they needed more pictures...the long walk to the radiologists office...him touching my arm as I sat down and letting out a big sigh...him telling me that he thought I had cancer..the tears streaming down my face..calling Bret....feeling like I was going to pass out...the office staff moving me to an x-ray table in case I passed out...crying...making phone calls...crying...the biopsy...and then the waiting. That night the call came in that it was malignant...it just seemed so hard to believe.....once that sunk in then I had to try so hard to hold it together in front of the kids while at the same time I was wondering if this was a death sentence..how far had it spread..did we find it too late? Would I leave my kids without a Mom? Thank goodness Kay was here with us that weekend to help with the kids and to help keep me distracted. It wasn't long after that day that I started the blog...I was pretty impressed with myself that I actually set it up on my own. In some way it's always been therapeutic for me to write about all of this....there is so much I need to get out but sometimes I just can't talk about it but writing about it seems to come easy...I often think that no one is even reading my ramblings but I still want to write it...I am a different person than I was on September 14th of last year...cancer has changed me...some ways good, some ways not so good. Sometimes memories flood my mind that almost seem like a never-ending nightmare...chemo...losing my hair...the look in Jillian and Tyler's eyes the first time they saw me without hair...being sick...being sick and tired...the mastectomy..the pain...looking at myself in the mirror for the first time after my mastectomy...being tired...being scared...Other times I am able to focus on the good memories....the constant love and support from friends and family (cards, gifts, meals, help with the kids, visits, email and blog messages)...Bret sticking by my side in the good and bad times (over 40 hours in the chemo chair)...Jillian rubbing my bald head at night and saying "I think there are 100 hairs up here now".....the No-Mo Chemo party during the ice storm...finding Dr. B and Dr. K...the kindness of strangers that reached out to us...My Mom coming to stay with me after the surgery..these are the things I try to focus on....I know that I am so blessed to have some of the greatest friends and family that a person could ask for...I know that we cannot take one day for granted and we can never take each other for granted...each day is a gift. I have never asked "why me"..I have told myself that this has happened for some reason and that I must learn from it and find some way to help others with my experience and give back in some way....I have said many times to people who are newly diagnosed "we all must decide for ourselves how we want to make this journey".

Okay, this post is really getting long but I haven't even talked about the wind storm. After the race we all got home and said goodbye to family as they headed back up I-71. It had been breezy that morning and they said we might get storms and some strong winds. Sometime around 2 the wind really picked up and the power went out. Jillian and I laid down for a nap and when we woke up a couple hours later it sounded like the house was going to get blown away...it seemed to be raining leaves outside and the trees were just whipping around...I have heard that the winds were around 75mph and that lasted a couple hours! That is hurricane force...the strange and lucky thing is that we didn't have storms...it rained for just a few minutes but other than that it was just cloudy. Once the winds started to die down the kids and I hung out on the screen porch..we did homework and Jillian and I did manicures! We all went to bed early thinking the power would be back on at any time...we woke up the next morning to hear that there was something like 800,000 people without power and it might take up to a week before we would get it back. Luckily, the temp had really gone down and everyone was outside trying to clean up their yards...the kids played outside all day...Tyler was probably the first to really miss TV and power...he said it was "miserable"....food in the fridge and freezer was starting to get too warm so several of us decided to get together for a big cook-out that evening....we had a great evening! We had about 35 people in our back yard. We pulled out the fireplace to roast marshmallows and keep everyone warm. Larry and Steve grilled for all of us...we had chicken, salmon, hamburgers, steaks...you name it - we had it - it was quite the Meat Feast! We partied until 9:30 and went to bed again hoping to wake up with power...it finally came on Tuesday morning around 3 am...Tyler's school opened back up on Wed and Jillian went back today. There are still a lot of people in the Cinci area without power...we were lucky to get it back so soon and not have any damage to our roof or any trees down. It's been a crazy week but we have made it thru! Luckily, we weren't one of those people out there fighting over gas or ice...we just kind of made the best of it! Bret and Tyler helped out some of the ladies on our street in their yards and we just did what needed to be done...it was an interesting experience but I hope we don't have another like it anytime soon....after a couple days with no tv or internet I realized how much I am addicted!!

Love - Jan

Thanks again to all of you that have taken this journey with me...I am blessed to have you in my life!

Crazy days...

Just wanted to post a quick note to say all is fine....we survived the 75mph hurricane force winds here in Cinci...just got power back around 3 this morning and phone, cable and internet this evening...will type more later!! Thanks for checking in!

Happy Birthday Bret!

Happy Birthday to my adorable hubby!! Thanks for taking such good care of my this last year....I'm a lucky gal!!

Lots of fun dow south!!

I had a WONDERFUL trip to Georgia. I flew down and spent Thursday evening with Annie..it was fun to be able to spend time with the kids and then Annie and I stayed up really late and talked. On Friday morning I slept in a little and then went and had a wonderful mani/pedi..after that I met back up with Annie and she took me out to Stonecrest to meet and have lunch with Linda. After that Linda took me for my Ross/Marshall's fix...didn't buy much but I love to dig thru those stores for bargains. The rest of the afternoon I stayed with Linda which was so great to have some "alone time" with her. On Friday evening we had 16 girls playing bunco....it was so great to see so many of the gals that I used to work with...I had some time to talk with all of them and get caught up on them and their kids and what they have been doing since I saw them last 2 years ago. I was a little nervous about seeing the group since I hate the way I look now but that went ok...I was finally able to just quit worrying about it and enjoy the evening. I worked a lot of years with many of these girls and have some wonderful memories of our relationships that we built over those years...some as many as 20 years....it was really nice to spend a fun evening with them. Of course, Linda and I stayed up too late and the roofers that are working on her house came really early so we got up and when Jamie came we left to go pick up Annie and head to the cabin in Ellijay. We did make 2 stops...I love Kickin chicken sandwiches at Zaxbys' so we ate there...then we stopped at a wonderful apple orchard..how many apples did I get....NONE! I didn't get any apples but we sure found an awesome apple caramel walnut apple pie to eat later that evening for dessert. The weather was perfect up in the mountains. We sat on the screech porch for hours just sipping cocktails and having snacks...when it was time for the sun to go down we all moved to the hot tub. It was so beautiful to sit in the warm water and see the stars, the milky way, and the moon. Out where we were you do not hear cars, you don't see street lights....it is just very quiet and peaceful....you hear the crickets off in the distance or squirrels playing in the trees. Having a chance to do something like this really is therapeutic....I just felt so relaxed and happy. I was glad to be able to see so many of my wonderful friends and to be in such a beautiful place that was so peaceful and relaxing. Once we finally got up and on the road this morning Linda was sweet enough to take me to a wonderful little bbq on our way out of town. The food was good but wow, did we see some interesting folks in there....our waitress had a habbit of taking her lower dentures and rolling them around in her mouth....EEK!!! That's a good ol' dose of backwoods Georgia for ya'all!!! We really did have a great time....thanks girls for putting aside the things that you needed to do this weekend to be able to spend time with me...you guys are the greatest!! I love you!~

I am so excited for the Race for the Cure! We have almost 50 registered team members now and $1300- wow-what a turn-out! If you would like to make a donation to our team please copy and paste the link below to get to my personal page...

http://race.komencincinnati.org/site/TR/Race/General?px=1152862&pg=personal&fr_id=1020&et=IcLXA9dhXLFyj3SdaeB4mg..&s_tafId=5330

Support Team Ta-Tas!

I am so excited for the Race for the Cure! We have over 40 registered team members now- wow-what a turn-out! If you would like to make a donation to our team please copy and paste the link below to get to my personal page...

http://race.komencincinnati.org/site/TR/Race/General?px=1152862&pg=personal&fr_id=1020&et=IcLXA9dhXLFyj3SdaeB4mg..&s_tafId=5330

I hope everyone had a good 3 day weekend. We had a busy one! We started the weekend at the Schilling's house on Friday night..the guys played cornhole, the kids played outside and the gals just gabbed! On Saturday I took Jillian for her 5 yr pics and then we went to her football game...it was a hot day for cheering but she doesn't seem to mind. Last night a big group met up at the pool and ordered pizza. Today was our neighborhood Labor Day party....it was a great day...I am feeling quite toasty tonight after spending all day in the sun. This is the last day that our pool is open...we have had a great summer full of lots of fun memories. Have I mentioned all of us in the neighborhood are being attacked by "Itch Mites"? These are crazy little bugs that you cannot see or feel but once they bite you they leave huge red patches that get sore...today one popped up on my neck...it looks like a big, sore pimple...nice! I guess these critters live on Oak Trees and they are so much worse this year because we are not getting any rain. Bret has these bites all over his back...I don't have as many but I sure have them in some "odd" places...

I am looking forward to a short work week. I am flying down to Georgia on Thursday evening. I will play Bunco with my old group on Friday night and then on Saturday a couple girls and I are going up to the North Georgia Mountains to stay in Linda and Seth's beautiful cabin...it will be so nice to get down there and see everyone. I am a little concerned about the weather...let's see...the last getaway weekend I planned was back in March and we had 15" of snow...now I finally plan another weekend and there are huricane's popping up everywhere...just my luck. Hopefully, things will go as planned and these new storms will not make landfall....I was glad today to see that things in the Gulf are not as bad as they anticipated!

My friend, Vicki, and I were interviewed by the local paper this past week. It was really supposed to be an article about our Mom's Group participating in the walk but it really ended up being more about my breast cancer journey...here is a link to the article if you're interested.

http://communitypress.cincinnati.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/C2/20080828/NEWS/808280415/

I have to say that I hate that picture and the idea of it being in a newspaper...I swear there are days that I see pictures of myself and it just looks like a total stranger to me...I don't think I will get used to this short hair any time soon.

Happy Birthday to my Mom tomorrow - I hope you have a nice day and sorry we can't be together on your special day! We love you!

Well, it's been a busy weekend so I am going to sign off...have a good week!

Happy Birthday Cheryl!

I wanted to say "Happy Birthday" to my friend Cheryl - I hope you have a wonderful day. Thank you for being so supportive during my cancer journey but also for just always being a great friend - we have shared a lot of good times together over the years - I have always admired your strength...you are as beautiful on the outside as your are on the inside...I am blessed to have you as a friend!! Love you!!!

What a crazy week...

Well, both kids survived the first week of school...it was a week full of open houses, practices for cheerleading and football, kindergarten screening and lots of fees....I swear I have written 20 checks to the school system this week! Tyler seemed to get back into his school routine just fine and Jillian did well moving to the "big school"...she was reluctant to go but didn't cry or anything which was a relief.

Friday was a fun but crazy day for me. First thing in the morning I ran down to Covington, KY to attend a lighting show and class...it was nice to see some people that I worked with in the past. Once I finished up there I ran up to Mason to do a short commercial for the Komen Race for the Cure. Cammie Dierking (local news anchor) is the honorary chair for the event so she was there. We had maybe 30-35 breast cancer survivors stand around her while she talked about the upcoming walk. This was really my first big event with a bunch of survivors but things were moving so fast I didn't really have much time to think about it. It was about 90 degrees so we were all sweating with our pink T's and hats on. I was surprised to see that the majority of women were my age or younger...for some reason I was thinking that most would be older women. I was there with my friend Pat who I met a couple months ago and she intro'd me to a woman that she had met at the plastic surgeon's office. This woman was talking about her recent exchange surgery and how much she was loving her new, soft foobs...before you know it I was feeling them...yep, right out there in front of the Mason Muni Center I was feeling some other woman's soft new foobs...of course, in that group of women it seemed like the most natural thing in the world but I would think that someone passing by might have found that a little odd. Oh yeah, I forgot to say how nice they felt....compared to these rock hard things I have sticking out of me right now hers were wonderful...makes me look forward to my exchange in November!!

I am still having some issues with my blood pressure...for some reason I wanted to convince myself that it was just medication related or something like that but I am beginning to think that is not the case. My one year "cancerversary" is quickly approaching (Sept. 14th) and I am wondering if that is part of my problem..I have read that many people have a lot of anxiety about approaching that 1 year mark but I didn't think it would bother me. I guess the fear of recurrence or the fear of moving farther away from the treatments can build up and eat away at your mind...the last time I had a Herceptin treatment I remember looking around the room at the other patients that were receiving chemo...I almost felt like I was going to have a panic attack right there...it was like for the first time in 11 months it really hit me that I had cancer and I was in this room...I just wanted to pull the tube out of my port and run out of there....I remember just closing my eyes and telling myself to get a grip...it just seemed so weird to have this type of reaction after being in this exact same environment so many times before...

Last night was the Annual Strawberry Hill Adult Pool Party...Penny did a great job planning this event...Reese cooked crab legs for everyone and this year we had a DJ and he also did Karaoke....things got pretty amusing as the night went by..we saw some awesome duets by The Jenkins and the Galbergs...eventually it was the men that kind of took over...seems like we heard a lot of Johnny Cash and Lynyrd Skynyrd...what a combo!! Some of us met back up at the clubhouse tonight...Reese fixed more crablegs for everyone...I am not really of fan of crablegs but Tyler got to come up and he ate a ton!! I love our Sunday nights up at the pool...hard to believe that next weekend will be our last weekend to go up there. At least we have Bunco and Dinner Club to look forward to over the winter months..

Jillian had her first performance today for cheerleading. Her group did the 1/2 time show during one of the King's youth football games. They did a cheer and a dance...it was at 2:00 and it was so hot but they all did a great job...she loves cheering!!

Enough rambling for now...have a good week...

A little get away...

We had a great weekend! Jillian turned 5 on Friday. Bret and I both took the day off and we drove up to Vermilion for the weekend. Jillian has been asking to go to the beach for a while so the four of us went to Huron and spent a great day playing in the sand, building sand castles and jumping in the waves. The weather was absolutely perfect and it was just nice to spend the day together doing something we all enjoyed. On Friday night we went out with Kay and Dean and Amanda and Jason while the kids had dinner with Grandma and Papa Deel. We sat on the river and enjoyed watching the boats go by.

On Saturday my sister Vicki and her husband Todd had a great cookout. We celebrated Jillian's b-day and my Dad's b-day. The weather was perfect. We spent most of the day in the pool and then we had a great fire that evening. We had all of our family and my aunt and uncle and three cousins came in from Detroit. Most of Todd's family were there also to participate in a race this morning so we had quite the gathering. Their home is so great for entertaining with the pool, the basketball court, etc. Dad even let the kids all get on the golf cart and the four wheeler and ride back thru the trail in the woods...the kids had a blast.

This morning Todd and some of his family participated in a Triathlon/Duathlon (sp)..we Middleton's just slept in but we were cheering for them in spirit!! Todd finished first in his division and his brother Jeff finished 4th in his - Congrats!!! This afternoon we ordered pizzas and everyone gathered back at Todd and Vicki's for more swimming and family time....it was another great day.

Speaking of races, we are building quite the team for the Race for the Cure in September...we have almost 30 registered and probably another 15 that say they will register...Team Ta-Ta's will be quite the group on September 14th!!!

It was nice to spend time together...we stayed with Kay and Dean so we were able to spend some quality time with them and and I appreciate Todd and Vicki having all of us over there 2 times...that is a lot of people to entertain but they do a VERY NICE job. Poor Jillian just cried and cried when we got in the van to leave...she loves playing with Todd's nieces...it didn't take long for her to fall asleep once we got on the road so she and I snoozed for quite a while...

It's almost time for school to start...Tyler starts on Tuesday and Jillian starts on Thursday. I didn't think Jillian would worry at all about going to the "big" school but last Thursday night she cried and said she just wanted to stay at her old school...looks like we may have some drama this week. I think she will be fine when she sees all her friends there..I can't believe my baby starts kindergarten...

Have a good week!

Happy Birthday!!!

Two very special people to me have birthdays today!!

Happy Birthday to my Dad, Clyde Deel!! Looking forward to celebrating with you this weekend. Love you!!

Happy Birthday Heather! You are such a good friend and have been such a big help to us this past year...want to go out and celebrate your b-day again tonight?? Just kidding, I still haven't recuperated from Saturday night...I'm too old for that stuff!

Have a fantastic day!

A whirlwind weekend...

First of all it was so good to hear from Sue! Glad they are all home and resting.

We have had a crazy weekend. Friday night we went to a great pool party at Ron and Peggy's...it was the perfect summer evening. First thing on Saturday morning Jillian had her cheerleading camp...from there we went to her and Ava's party at Run, Jump and Play. We had 27 kids show up so it was a lot of fun. I never knew how nice it was to have someone else do ALL the work at a party so that was a nice way to go and Jillian had a great time. Her actual b-day is not until the 15th and that is kind of confusing her this year...she thinks she turned 5 on Saturday...Saturday evening a group of the Strawberry Hill babes hit the town to celebrate Heather's upcoming b-day. We started at the Melting Pot...we did the cheese fondue and then went straight to the chocolate...OMG, it was so yummy. After that we went to a bar called the Porch of All Sorts...not sure about porches but we sure saw people of all sorts...the $5 cover charge was worth it just to people watch. They had a pretty good "house band" playing so we kicked our heels up until Midnight. Once we made it back to Strawberry Hill and dropped Heather off the rest of us decided to move on down the hill to a scary little bar called the "Monkey Bar." This place was nuts...very tiny block building built right on the river...it did not appear that the Ohio ban on smoking had any affect on the patrons here and with some of the guys it seemed that clothing was optional (just shirts). We joined right in with the friendly crowd as they were doing some of the very worst karaoke I have ever heard in my life...we finished up about 1:30 with a few of the Strawberry Hill Babes doing an awesome version of Love Shack...wow, what a night!

This morning Jillian and I went with Heather and her family to see the musical Beauty and the Beast and we had a very nice brunch before the show...this was Jillian's first time in a real theater and she absolutely loved it...it was a special b-day treat for her. Tonight we met up with a few families at the pool for dinner...it's hard to believe that the pool will be closing soon...while we were out last night we started talking about relationships and friends...when we talk about things like this I always remember how lucky we are to have such great friends and what a great place we are at right now in our lives...we really enjoy being with our friends and just have so much fun together...we are very blessed!

I did have a minor medical issue this past week...I was having some dizzy spells and my feet were swelling pretty bad...of course when anything hurts or goes wrong with your head after a cancer diagnosis you always first think - brain tumor. I decided to call my family doc and when I got in to see him my blood pressure was really high...something like 140/99...he said most people don't really feel symptoms when their BP goes up but I am someone that obviously does...anyway, have yet another new drug to add to my list of daily meds...thank God for my pill box...I would have never thought at 40 that I would need a stupid little pill dispenser box..jeez, I even have the one with the AM side and the PM side...oh my, I am getting old...

Friday JD Update!!

JD was going home today...the follow up MRI showed no signs of residual tumor!! YEAH!! Hopefully we will have a post from our Sweet Sue sometime soon!!


I heard from Sue last night. The surgery went very well, quicker than expected. JD was in some pain last night but she was hoping they would take care of that soon. Today they will do a follow up MRI to confirm that the entire tumor was removed...please say a prayer for good news, restfull healing for JD and peace for Sue and Jack as JD recovers...thanks!



Many of you know my good friend Sue and some of you just know her from her supportive, sweet and funny comments that she has posted here on my blog. Sue and I met back in 1986 and have been friends ever since even though we have lived in different parts of the country....she is one of those types of people that you know will always be there for you and be a true friend for life... She has mentioned her son JD (in her comments) and that they went thru a lot a few years ago. In 2005 they discovered that JD had a benign brain tumor...he has had a couple of surgeries to attempt to remove it and radiation. As of the last time they radiated it, the tumor was very small and they have been following it by doing MRI's. They were very happy that the tumor was not showing any change...unfortunately, last week the report from his last MRI showed that the tumor had grown again.

JD will be having surgery to remove the entire tumor on Tuesday. Sue says that he is doing great...for those of you that don't know him he did amazingly well with all of this before - quite the miracle child with an amazing spirit and his Dad's sense of humor at his young age of 12!! I remember being at the hospital the day JD was born..Jack came out of the delivery room carrying his son with tears in his eyes and the proudest expression on his face. Sue and I had big plans for Tyler and JD...they would grow up together and be best of pals like their dads. I can remember when we would get them together as toddlers and they would argue constantly..it would drive us nuts!! Unfortunately, Lithonia messed up our plans to raise the boys together but our families have stayed close over the years....

Please take a moment to say a prayer for JD and Sue and Jack and their entire family...tomorrow will be a long day for them and they need all the prayers and support that we can offer. This is so tough on Sue and Jack...I can only imagine how hard it is to see your child go thru something this scary....you are terrified but you have to remain strong for the child.. Please also say a prayer for the surgeon and the other members of the medical team that they are able to safely remove the tumor and provide the best care possible for JD during his time in their care.

Not much new to report with the Middleton clan..we had a great weekend spending time with friends up at the pool and on Saturday it was finally cool enough to use our outdoor fireplace and have some folks over for s'mores! Yummy! On Saturday morning I went and had my hair colored...I just felt like the color was dull and too brown...now I am a redhead again....it just makes me feel more like ME again. Chad styled it differently than what I had been doing...in my mind it kind of looks like I am standing in front of a high power fan that is about to blow me away but all the comments I got over the weekend were good so I decided to stick with it and go for the change. Tyler is at his first night of football practice tonight. Jillian and I just finished making 30 treat bags for her big birthday bash this weekend at Run, Jump and Play...she is having it with her friend Ava from school and it should be quite the social event for the Kings pre-k group and friends...

Thanks for your prayers for JD and his family...I will post an update after his surgery.

My wigs found a new home today....

Today my good friend came over with her Mom, sister and daughter to go thru all my wigs, scarves, hats, etc. We tried on a couple of my wigs and they looked so great on her...she is not a redhead but these wigs looked awesome on her! I also gave her all my scarves and hats....These last few weeks I kept looking at the wigs in the bathroom and wondering why I didn't just take them to the American Cancer Society to donate them....was it that I thought that maybe I would need them again?? Now I see that things do happen for a reason and I was so glad to give her all this stuff today. We all went up to the flea market to the wig shop...the ladies there treated her so great and she bought two brown wigs that also looked great. After that we all went out for ice cream...I am so sad that she has to go thru this but I am so glad that we are friends and that I will be able to help her...she is a real trooper!

My herceptin treatment went fine last week..I saw Dr. B. and he said that the insurance was asking for more info before they would cover the Zometa treatment for me so I guess we will just wait and see. The foob seems to still be the same size so I guess I was just imagining that it might be leaking...looks like we are still on for new ta-ta's in November...speaking of ta-ta's...we have over 20 people so far that have said that they will walk with us in the Komen walk in September...how exciting!!

Ok...so there usually isn't anything funny about oncology reports or tests but I read this tonight and just had to share it with you...this is from a real medical report on breast cancer survival...looks like I need to have a few more "spritzers!"

In contrast, the team found that prognosis improved with recent alcohol consumption, with light to moderate drinking reducing the risk of dying by 22 percent.

"The association between alcohol consumption and improved survival is surprising," Barnett commented. "The results of several other studies have not shown such an association."



Not much else to report...summer seems to be going so fast...Jillian will start cheerleading on Tuesday and Tyler starts football next week. Tyler had his physical yesterday and he is 5'6"!!! OMG..my baby is taller than me!! Jillian gets her 5 year shots in the morning...she doesn't know about this yet...she is going to FREAK OUT..it is not going to be a nice start to the week but it has to be done...it's been a good weekend...we have spent a lot of time up at the pool just hanging out with friends...I am thankful for our great friends and the good times we get to spend together...have a good week!

Whew! It's Hot!

Okay, I always knew I hated hot weather but add some drug induced hot flashes on top of that and I am really a wimp...it has been in the 90s here for too many days. It seems like I never cool down but hopefully we will get some relief soon. Bret and Tyler are still working on that crazy shed and the landscaping...4 days of work appears to be turning into 4 weeks of work....

This last week really wore me out...Bret was out of town since last Saturday and it was just such an emotionally draining week to watch my close friend do her first round of chemo, get her port put in, etc. She is pretty overwhelmed with everything but luckily she is at home now recovering from her first round of chemo. My heart just breaks for her...those first days are so overwhelming and she was hit with so much more much faster than I was...I did my best to support her and answer any of her questions but our situations are very different so I have to be careful about that. I think now we have a different bond...it's just different when someone can look at you and say that they understand what you are going thru....I just hope it helps her to not feel alone in this. She has a tough fight ahead of her and I am going to do anything that I can to make that just a little easier if I can.

This week I have another Herceptin treatment...I should also find out if I have been approved for the Zometa treatment...my gut feeling for some reason is that I won't get approved....not sure what that is about. The foobs are fine...sometimes I worry that the one side is leaking VERY SLOW but it's just to darn hard to tell...it just doesn't seem to be sticking out so far into my armpit but maybe it has shifted or maybe I just got used to it being there..the fingernails are a mess...they are just peeling away one by one..that sucks because I have always had such strong nails that grew so fast...I don't know what to do with them at this stage. The hair is still growing and seems to be getting curlier every day. I thought I might have enough to put in a headband yesterday...OMG did it look dumb!! I do not have enough hair for a headband....I am still wearing it in the style that I call the "old man comb-over" but I don't know what else to do...if I push it all back instead of forward I look like Beaker from the Muppets (remember him? crazy red hair all standing straight up!)...that's a look I always was afraid of when I would think about cutting my hair short...now I can have it...great....anyway, I am just thankful every single day for the hair that I do have!!

I am working with my friend Vicki to put together a team for the Komen Race for the Cure in September...the race will be exactly one year from the day that I was diagnosed. This will be my first "cancer event" so I know it will be emotional but I also want to do anything I can to help find a cure...so far we have over 20 people interested in joinging Team Ta-Ta's so I am very excited about that! It should be an awesome day.

Well, enough for now...stay cool!!

I HATE CANCER!!

I don't think I have said that for a while...it's time! I am fine...just sad today. A very close friend was diagnosed with lymphoma...I spent the afternoon at the hospital with her until her family could arrive to be with her. It's just so overwhelming and my heart just aches for her...going thru all the tests, reports, visits with doctors all brought back so many memories....

My friend Kate is doing well after her mastectomy but she will start chemo soon...it's such a scary time...waiting to see how it will be...she is a trooper!

A young Mom (age 35) died this weekend after a hard fought battle with breast cancer...I knew her from my online support group...her 5 year old son's b-day was today...his Mommy should have been there.

Cancer is an evil beast....it just seems like he is turning up too frequently lately...please pray for a cure and for those that fight the battle......

Maybe a new treatment??

So I am finally sitting down to write about my appt. with Dr. B. last week. This was a 3 month follow up....wow, it is kind of cool to only be seeing him every three months now!!! I asked him about a new study I saw on the drug Zometa...this is a drug that originally started being used for patients with bone loss and then they started using it for cancer patients that had progression into their bones. Now there are studies out showing that this drug also has benefits for early stage BC patients to help prevent recurrence. I don't think he was surprised by me bringing this up...he knows how I do my research. He had just returned from the big oncology conference in Chicago and he said there was a great deal of discussion about this. He said he would be willing to give me this treatment if the insurance would approve it...it is a 15 minute infusion given every six months for three years....the good news is that it really doesn't have any major side effects...there are some odd things that happen VERY rarely but I won't even go there. Now we just have to see what the insurance says...I hope I get approved...any thing that improves my chances of not having a recurrence is great. We talked about the swelling I was having in my feet but he wasn't too concerned about that since it is not in my legs...just said to keep an eye on it. Overall, he said that I am doing great! I told him that there are actually days that I feel almost normal again. He seemed so glad to hear me say that....he told me that when he decided to change fields and become an Oncologist that he hoped that he would be able to help his patients get thru their treatment and then get back to their lives...he said he knows that all cancer patients have some level of fear of recurrence but that he hoped he could help his patients move forward.....what a wonderful thing to hear a doctor say!! This shows that he doesn't just look at his patients as a disease...he sees them for the people that they are...he treats us as people....we are so lucky to have him as a doctor!!

I will get my MUGA results when I go for my next treatment....it took 2 people to get the IV in this time...the second person they called in was the woman that was with me when they did the injection for the sentinal node....that was by far the most painful procedure I have ever had in my life but she was such an angel....she held my hand, prayed for me and even kissed my forehead when I was crying. As she was trying to get the IV in I told her how much I appreciated how good she was to me back in September on that horrible day. We talked for quite a while and she told me how much she loves her job and helping people....again, the patients that see her are very lucky!! She finally got the needle in and we hugged and said goodbye...the test went fine...it just stinks that they are not able to access my port for these tests. I forgot to mention that Dr. B. looked at my port and said "when are we getting rid of this thing??" I told him that I was thinking we would take it out when I had my exchange surgery in November...he said that sounded like a good plan and then he said "you are never going to need that thing again"....I love his optimism!!!

Catching up...

Well, I guess I went to bed too early last night because here I am at 4:00 am...in the last 2 days I worked about 23 hours...that is way more than I am used to doing these days so it really took it's toll. On top of that I was "entertaining" customers and always being "on" really seems to cause you to exert a great deal more energy....anyway - it all went well but again I was glad to see them to the front door and on their way back to PA!

Our weekend was great. Tyler and Bret decided to stay home to attend the big Strawberry Hill 4th of July party and then build our new shed. It's a great looking shed that said it would take 2 men approx. 4-5 hours to install. They started on Saturday and just finished with the roof last night...yikes...I think I am even more glad that I was out of town. I feel bad for Tyler...he didn't have much of a fun weekend but I think he enjoyed spending that time with Bret.

Jillian and I enjoyed spending time with everyone at Mohican. If you have not been there I will tell you that it is very peaceful and remote...no cell phones, no newspapers....just peaceful. I had forgotten how beautiful it is to look out over the hills and the lake. We really had nice weather. We went to see a great fireworks display on Friday night, spent most of our time during the day around the pool and in the evenings we all gathered around the fire pit to make s'mores - yummy! It's just nice to have all of our family there...and extended family (friends) and see everyone come together in the evenings to laugh and just spent quality time together - these are the good things in life!!! Jillian was actually on pretty good behavior for the majority of the trip...Kay and Amanda helped out with her a bunch so I think they were able to help diffuse some potential meltdowns. We were up late every night and up early in the mornings so by the time we got home on Sunday I was dead tired...I fell asleep at 6:30 and woke up at 6:45 on Monday....guess my body is still trying to get it's strength back.....

The Mohican area has a lot of special memories for me....when I was in Junior High and High School we used to go to Church Camp just over the hill from the resort. We almost always went in January...BBrrrr. Early in the mornings we would bundle up and hike over the hill to the resort...maybe it was a mountain...sure felt like it. Once we were at the resort we could swim, play in the game room and just run crazy in the place because there was never really anyone there at that time of year....then we would pack up, bundle up and head up and over the hill again to get back to camp. Any time I am there now I enjoy remembering all those times being there as a kid....

Foobs are doing just fine...still rock hard but each day a little less sore...
Hair seems to be coming in faster...I am more comfortable now being out "uncovered" and don't notice so many people staring at me....

Today I go for another MUGA (heart test) to be sure that the Herceptin is not damaging my heart...let's hope for good results!! I had a great visit with Dr. B. last week...will write more about that later...think I will try to get a little more sleep in before work...have a good day!

Tired..

Just wanted to write a quick entry...I am almost too tired to type tonight. Jillian and I met my family at Mohican State Park over the 4th. It was a good trip...we got back Sunday afternoon and now work has been crazy these last two days because we had customers in for training.

Sue-Glad to hear you had a great b-day on the 4th...what was this 33? 34?? !!!

I will write more when I can catch up on some ZZZzzzz's!!

The next step....

Well, I did go to work "uncovered" yesterday and it was fine...everyone was very nice about it..Bret took some new pics last night so you can see the new "do"...wow, I really do have a BIG forehead...I always thought that but this new hair really shows it off!

Each one of these steps really are difficult...this disease pushes you so far emotionally and it just seems to never end.....

Rock hard foobs for months...

Well, things went ok with the PS on Friday. She had a hard time accessing the right foob again...it is now so far under my arm that she has a hard time getting the needle in..this was the first time a "fill" hurt...I guess that's because I still have nerve endings under my arm. We did another 50 ccs on each side. They have been pretty tender all weekend but really cause me the most pain when trying to sleep...I just can't quit sleeping on my side. The plan for right now is to go back to see her in October...we will decide if I want to go a little bigger and fill 1 or 2 final times and then do the exchange the first week of November. It will be nice to take a break from this for a couple months! The foobs look ok....the right side is funny to see how far it sticks out...I had a sleeveless shirt on Friday and that afternoon at work I was shocked to look down and see the side of my foob just sticking out for all to see!! We started joking about it..we called it "peek a foob". I have never been much of an exhibitionist but maybe I will be now! It's kind of weird how many people I let feel these things....if you would have told me I would be doing that a year ago I would have said "no way"! They are just so odd...just feels like a hard ball under the skin...when I get in a conversation with someone about them I just say "here, want to feel them?"....ok, it has been all women except for Bret...calm down Mom.....

I have Herceptin treatment this week and will see Dr. B. for a check up. I am feeling fine except I have started to have swelling in my ankles and feet. He has always asked about swelling but never said why...I guess I will find out this week. It seemed to start after I started taking the Tamoxifen but I do worry a little that it is related to my heart since the Herceptin can cause heart damage....I will get my MUGA heart test later this month..

I have noticed that my finger nails are getting in worse shape every day...they have always been so thick and strong but now they are so soft and just peel away. I had heard that Herceptin can cause nail problems so this might be a problem for a while...

We have had a good weekend...the highlight of our weekend was attending Amanda's Adoption Party. She has been living with Heather for a couple years and now she is "officially" her daughter. What a lucky little girl....she has been blessed to make it thru the foster system and be a success story. She was taken care of by a wonderful couple before she came to live with Heather....she is loved so much and has overcome so many obstacles in her young life. She is a joy to be around...she and Jillian are so close...we just love her and are so happy that the adoption is final.

The party was an "Alice in Wonderland" theme..Heather did an awesome job on everything to make the day just perfect for Amanda. There were lots of kids and even some adults that were dressed up as characters from the story. Jillian kept changing her mind but she finally settled on "The Queen of Hearts".

I attended the party without anything on my head...I was pretty nervous but it was a hot, humid day and I decided to give it a try. It really turned out fine....one person that I have only met a few times over the years told me that he thought I had cut my hair...he said he didn't think I looked like someone that had lost all their hair....I was actually surprised how many men actually made comments about my hair...guys don't usually notice things like that but they were all very kind. Now I have to decide if I am ready to stop wearing scarves to work...as of last week I was thinking I would still do it for a few more weeks but everyone at the party on Friday was telling me to stop now. I miss my old hair...it's hard to believe I lost it over 7 months ago. When I look in the mirror it is still like looking at a stranger every day...who knows if my hair will ever be like it was before...

We probably need to post a pic for those of you that I don't see very often but to date I have NO pics of me with my head not covered...maybe we will take one later this week...

Have a good week (Yeah! It's a short work week) and thanks for reading!

Foob check..

Well, the PS said I would start noticing today if I was leaking and so far the foobs are still rock hard...I went ahead and made another appt. with her tomorrow morning..hoping to get another fill and stop worrying about leaking foobs...have a good day!

A Three Day Weekend!

Yeah! We took a three day weekend...we went up to Vermilion for my nephew's graduation party. We had too many storms and rain but we had a good time. It's always nice to spend time with family. Kay and Dean had a great party for Eric on Saturday...they had almost 100 people show up and luckily we were all under cover when the storms arrived. Later the weather cleared up so everyone could move around a little more and they kids were able to have a bonfire and campout...Jillian loves hanging around with all those "big kids"...she even thought I was going to let her sleep out there with them..NOT!

One thing that was very nice was seeing my cousin Rob and his family. I have only seen him a handful of times since I moved away in 1987. After the graduation party as I thought about our visit it dawned on me that Rob was my first "best friend" in life. We are second cousins and we grew up right next door to each other. We didn't live in a subdivision so it wasn't like we had a bunch of kids our age to play with when were preschool age.....we were the youngest of the group that lived close so we had each other. Our Moms were "stay at home Moms" so Rob and I spent a lot of time together. I can remember just standing out in his front yard playing catch or going down in his basement to play pool or our basement to play ping-pong...we rode bikes together, rode motorcycles together and went sledding and ice skating together in the winter...almost all my memories from being a kid on Risden road include him...I don't have a brother but I would say he was the closest thing you could have if you didn't have the real thing.

Rob's wife brought a black and white photo of Rob and I eating cake together at his 3rd birthday party...I think it just made so many memories come flooding back that I haven't thought about for a long time. He is a great person and he has a great family....I am very thankful that he was such a big part of my life growing up and I will always cherish the memories of our years together!

Today we used our "extra day" to visit Amish Country in Central Ohio. We shopped a little in the town on Berlin and then went to visit Hershberger's Farm. We took a tour of the farm in a real Amish buggy which was pretty neat...when I was a child I used to think that I wanted to be Amish....Jillian said the same thing at lunch today....I quickly told her that they don't have cable but she still thought it sounded pretty good. Jillian got to take a pony ride after our carriage ride...they had some baby animals that we just a few hours old...they were too cute. Of course, we visited the bakery and then went on to the cheese factory...as Tyler says "one of the best things about Amish Country is the food"! It is just such a pretty area...it started to storm as we were leaving and at one point I looked out of the car window and was just amazed at how beautiful the scenery was...the rolling green hills, the bright white houses and barns with the Holstein cows in the pasture...the bright flowers in the yard and the blue/black dark storm clouds with the bright yellow sun trying to poke threw. I am thankful to be able to see such beautiful things......then all Hell broke loose.

Yep, Jillian had a major tantrum in the car. This one lasted about 45 minutes...I wanted to turn around and take her back and drop her off in Amish country so she could really find out what it is like to be Amish. She certainly ruined my plans for a long scenic drive home...we cut back over to the interstate so we could just get home....some days I think we are all going to go crazy because of that girl!!

Here's a quick update on the foobs...I went for another fill on Friday. We decided to just do 50 cc's on each side. The left side went just fine. When she inserted the needle on the right side she immediately pulled it back out and started using her "tool" to find the "access area" again on the expander. In a very calm voice she said "I am pretty sure I just punctured your expander...you will need to watch it and if I did puncture it you will notice that it will go flat by next Thursday or Friday. If it does just call my office and we will go ahead and do your exchange surgery in the next couple weeks"....I think I was in shock...WHAT?? I don't want surgery right now...I wanted to wait until November. I was surprised how calm I was and she pulled an expander out of the cabinet to explain what she "thinks" happened. My expander on my right side has shifted so far under my arm and the "access area" that she sticks the needle into has become VERY difficult to get to....she said that she thinks my muscles will be fine if we go ahead and just put in the final implants...she said she did not want to put another expander in. I am nervous about having the surgery so soon because I have heard of patients having complications if you don't let the muscle "rest" for 6-8 weeks after it is fully expanded. I asked her about this but she doesn't feel that it is an issue...Friday I was pretty overwhelmed once everything sank in but I wasn't upset with her...we are all human...she had just told me about operating thru the night on a mastectomy patient that had severe vomiting from the anesthesia the day before...she had vomited so much that she started bleeding and Dr. K. got called back in to operate on her again...I just kept thinking about that woman and telling myself that things could be a lot worse than a "punctured foob". So, as of today I can't tell that it is getting any smaller so maybe we will get lucky and not have to deal with this later this week...every morning I get up and the first thing I do is check the foob...I sleep on that side so I just kind of envision that I am pushing all the saline out even quicker by putting extra pressure on it... I will let you know how things look later this week...enough for now...I am tired from the long weekend and Jillian is driving me nuts to get off the computer and help her pick out clothes so she can look "vantastic" at school tomorrow...not sure what that is about!!

Happy Birthday to my dear friend Penny - love you!!