Friday Appointments - Good news...Bad News..

First the good news - uterus biopsy came back fine...just waiting to look over ultrasound.

The afternoon appt. with the 2nd Oncologist was horrible. He was running over an hour late and did not have a good bed side manner at all. He was older and yet my first impression was that he had never read a path report before. He kept shuffling the reports and saying that they were very unorganized. Once we got through the history he told me that my report showed that I was Her2- status. I didn't bring this up from the other appt. because Dr. B said that I was Her2+. This positive or negative status is pretty complicated but (-) typically means that the cancer is more aggressive, doesn't respond as well to treatments like chemo, and has a higher risk for recurrence. When he told me I was negative I told him I was confused because Dr. B had told us I was positive status. He looked back over the report and said that it was negative. He went on to say that he recommended 4 rounds of chemo given every three weeks. After those 3 months of treatments I would go to the clinic every week for an injection of Taxol and this would last for 3 months. I would then take Herceptin for 1 year, this is not chemo but it is given through IV...it would be 52 weekly treatments....after that I would move on to Tamoxifen for 5 years. He thought mastectomy would be a good idea for the breast with cancer and just didn't want to talk about both...If I do mastectomy it would be after the first 6 months of treatments. If you read the Wednesday blog you will see that this is a VERY different approach compared to what Dr. B suggested. I was shocked by all of this and very upset because I knew from my research that Her2 - status is not good. I just wanted to run out and get away from this guy with the horrible breath and terrible bed side manner. He wanted to have some blood drawn for lab work and he also ordered PET scan, bone scan and something called a MUGGA (I think)....most of them will be looking for cancer in other areas such as bone, brain, etc. He wants me to come back on the 9th and start chemo on the 16th of October at the latest.

I was a wreck when we left....I just could not believe that two docs read the report two different ways. Bret decided to have Dr. K. (surgeon) paged to see if he could help. He called back within a few minutes and said that he would call the hospital in the morning and see if he could find someone to read the report to him and call us back.

Needless to say, I have been a wreck all evening. I know I should not let this get me down until we know for sure what the results are but I have just been feeling so positive about beating this thing since we met with Dr. B.

I am praying that this guy read the report wrong but you would hope that someone that makes $250,000.00 a year would be able to read a pathology report. 18 months of treatment is a long time and all except for the tamoxifen seem to have some pretty rough side effects. I need to stop reading about any of this until we know more.

We are leaving for Crawfordsville in the morning so I may not have a chance to update this until Sunday evening. Sorry for not wanting to talk on the phone tonight but I am just so tired of this whole thing and too emotional to talk to anyone......

Please say a prayer for us....

Wednesay Appointments..

My afternoon of appointments certainly had it's ups and downs. Our first appt. was with the oncologist and that went very well. The doctor had a very good bed side manner (actually talked to us while letting me wear my clothes instead of a paper gown) and everyone in the office went out of their way to be helpful and pleasant. We recorded our entire conversation and he was very good about explaining what type of cancer that I have and he presented my options. The easiest route would be several weeks of radiation five days a week. He explained that these are very quick appts, I guess it actually takes longer to get undressed and re-dressed than it does to get "zapped"...after I complete the radiation I would take the drug Tamoxifen for 5 years and if I stay cancer free that would be it....The most agressive plan would be a bilateral masectomy and reconstruction. This improves my chances of reoccurence in my breasts by a few percentage points but it also eliminates the worry of breast cancer reoccurence. I would also take Tamoxifen with this plan to fight off any dormant cancer cells that may exist anywhere else in my body that are driven by estrogen. He feels that I have a very good chance of beating this, it really just depends on how much worry I can handle after the treatment......you all know how good I am at worrying!!!! He thought it was great that we were getting a second opinion and he did go ahead and order a genetic screening for the tissue that was removed during surgery. This is a new study going on across the nation that tries to factor reoccurence based on a select group of genes. He also ordered a breast MRI so that we can look closer at both breasts and the pre-cancerous calcifications that the surgeon mentioned. The Oncologist suggested that I make an appt. with the plastic surgeon that specializes in breast reconstruction so I can better understand the different procedures that are available.

From that appointment we went straight over to see the Gyn. She and I spoke earlier in the week and she wanted me to stop taking Proverra immediately because my type of cancer is fed by estrogen and she wanted to do an exam since I have had unusual spotting for the last several weeks. Once we reviewed what had been going on she decided that she wanted to do a biopsy of my uterus.....kind of a painful procedure that causes a lot of cramping afterward. I asked her is she was looking for cancer and her answer was "not necessarily".....I thought - my God, how much more of this can I take!!!!! We also talked about a couple surgery options if we can't control the bleeding but I think we can hold off on that for a while so we can deal with everything else. She ordered an ultrasound which will be done on Friday and we should have the biopsy results also on Friday.

Needless to say, I got in the car for the drive home and felt completely overwhelmed and exhausted. As soon as we got home I ate a big, fat chunk of Maggiano's Choclolate Creme cake, put on my PJs and retreated to my comfy bed. I was D-O-N-E for the day.

Please pray with us that all these tests come back with good results........

Here's a quote I liked (and need to learn to live by)...hope you like it.

Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles----it empties today of its strength.
Author Unknown

"Appointment Day!

This afternoon we will meet with the first Oncologist to get his suggestions on a treatment plan. I went out and bought a new recorder that we can hopefully use when we meet with him. I also bought a new notebook and fabulous tote bag to carry everything in. I think of it as my "Cancer Kit." The bag is bright orange and the notebook is a variety of "cheery" colors - I guess that was my "retail therapy" for today. After we meet with the Oncologist we have to run over to meet with my Gyn. to go over some concerns with her. On Friday we will meet with another Oncologist to get his suggestions. I was amazed that we were able to get all these appts. this week. I was even able to get into the dentist yesterday (I read that you should have your teeth taken care of before starting treatment).

To all our friends in Georgia - Annie and Jamie filled me in on the "trouble" with the Schwan (sp?) food that you guys were trying to have delivered to us this week. I am sorry that things are not going smoothly but if anyone can get a resolution Jamie will do it....if not, maybe you should just all plan to get together at Jamie and Jay's for a fabulous dinner!!! The food delivery is a wonderful idea - I can't tell you how much we have appreciated people bringing in meals. My poor kids have been deprived though.....they have not had a meal from Mc'Ds in almost TWO WEEKS....yeah, we do eat a lot of fast food....not something I am proud of but you gotta do what you gotta do, right????

I will try to do an update this evening after my appointments....I need to get back to studying to be prepared for this first round of appointments.....

Thanks for all the calls, emails, prayers, etc. Yesterday was kind of a "blue" day for me and every time I read an email or open a card I remember what a gift each day is and how lucky I am to have so many wonderful people in my life!!!

Good news from Dr. K. today!

Bret and I met with Dr. Kerlakian today. He reviewed the results of the path. report. The area that was removed was 4 cm of pre-cancerous calcifications. The area that actually contained cancer was only 2 mm. Based on this, I'm in Stage I. I was thrilled with this because I was so concerned by both radiologists being so concerned because the area was so large. My next step is to meet with 2 onconogists to discuss treatment options. The easiast route would be radiation and maybe chemo. The more intensive option would be a bi-lateral masectomy with reconstruction.

Dr. K. explained that I am in a unique situation due to my age (39...at least for a few more weeks). Pre-menopausal, young women only make up 5% of the breast cancer patients today. Our cancer tends to be more aggressive and if/when we have a re-occurence it tends to be more invasive (has spread further and more difficult to treat). If I go the rads/chemo route I will have to worry about re-ocurrence in both breasts. If I choose the masectomy I would know that we took the most aggressive option and that my cure rate could be as high as 98-99%.

This was a lot to take in but luckily I did a lot of studying until 2 am this morning. I already knew that my age was a negative factor in this situation. It is overwhelming how much you need to learn to make good decisions....I feel like I am in med school....

As for right now, I am just thrilled with the Stage I diagnosis and I am open to learning about all options to give me the best outcome! (It's kind of crazy to see myself write that I am happy about Stage I cancer...two weeks ago this would have seemed impossible for me to handle). If masectomy is the option chosen, I really think I would be okay....I even wanted the surgeon to tell me he would do a masectomy last week if he saw something worse than what he expected....obviously, that was not an option but at this point, I want to do whatever it takes to get this cancer completely out of my body----I have too many great reasons to live!!!

For those of you that know Bret well, you will appreciate this....after discussing masectomies and I told him that I want to investigate it, he asked me if I was planning on going to Double D's!!!! Gotta love him!!!

Thanks to all for your constant prayers and support - they really keep me going!!

Sunday Update....

When I woke up this morning I had dreamed about having cancer for the first time. For a few moments after I woke up I thought that maybe it had all been a horrible dream but as I rolled over and felt my incisions I knew that it was real. For the first time since we learned about the cancer I had such a hard time falling asleep last night, I guess it was my time to have a pity party for myself. I guess it was time for another good cry..........I just don't know how to get back to normal life.....I don't want to live every day worrying about this disease and being afraid that every ache or pain is cancer in a new area of my body. I worried about how this will affect my kids lives. Jillian at this point has no idea what is going on but I know someday she will have to learn about Mommy having cancer. Tyler seems to be doing great but I am afraid that he is just trying to be strong. As a parent you want to protect your kids from pain and I know that this disease will cause them pain. I got out of the house for the first time yesterday and went to Borders to get some books about breast cancer. It felt good to get out but it also made our situation more real. Life was moving on all around me but I felt like I had been tucked away in my little cocoon all week and now I was supposed to get out and act like everything was just fine.......hard to explain but it just seemed like I was watching a movie of someone else's life.

Bret has been taking great care of all of us but I know this has to be hard on him. I have a lot of anxiety about meeting with the doctor and getting the "prognosis." I know that I should not get hung up on statistics but how can you not?????? After meeting with the surgeon tomorrow I want to get two opinions on what my treatment plan should be. I would like to get a lot of this accomplished before going back to work..........I just can't imagine going back to work and trying to focus on work while I have decisions to make about beating this disease. I know it will be good for me to get back to work but I know it will be hard.

I am so thankful Annie and Tim were able to stop for a quick visit (see the pics that Bret added below). I loved meeting little Ben for the first time. It was wonderful to hold him and think about all the opportunities that life can offer him. It was nice to have the house full of noise with a baby crying and two little girls running in two different directions. I hated to see Annie leave, we have been friends for many years, I miss her already......

I feel like we can not thank people enough for all that they have done for us this week....no words seem to be enough........I can only hope that you all know that we genuinely appreciate every kind gesture no matter how big or small! Keep those prayers coming!

Saturday Update

Jan's feeling so much better today. Our good friends from Georgia, Tim and Annie Sears (along with their 8 week old son Ben and daughter Izzy), stopped to visit last night and today. It was nice to see Jan getting back to herself, laughing and enjoying someones company and conversation. Of course, she's been couped up here for a few days, so she decided to go for a short drive this afternoon. We continue to get well wishes, prayers, cards, flowers and gifts for which we can not thank everyone enough. Without the support of our friends, great neighbors and family, this entire ordeal would have been much more stressful and difficult than it already was. As I was discussing with someone yesterday, you don't realize how many people you know and have built relationships and networks with that truly come to your aid in times of need. It's simply been overwhelming. Thank you all so much,

Bret

Prayers have been answered!!

Bret talked to the doctor and we got great news. They confirmed that the lymph nodes were clear and that the area that was removed had a cancer free perimeter which meant that they did remove the entire area that contained cancer. We will meet with the surgeon on Monday afternoon and talk about treatment options.

This is the best news that we could have received. I believe that God has heard all of our prayers and I thank each and every one of you for praying with us all week. You have given Bret and I the strength to get up each day and move forward. The waiting was horrible but I have never felt so much love and support as I did this week. We are so blessed to have each and every one of you in our lives!

I am feeling really good today....very little pain and getting more energy back all the time. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my chest and I can finally breathe again. This whole experience has been the wake up call that we all hear about but we hope we never receive.....life is a precious gift that should never be taken for granted, be thankful for every day and be thankful for your friends and family.......Lots of Love to ALL OF YOU!!!!! Jan and Bret

Thursday Night Update

We did not get a call from the doctor today....hopefully we will hear something in the morning. Today was kind of rough. I woke up in a lot of pain in the middle of the night and finally decided to go from 1 pain pill to 2. That knocked me out for most of the day. The pain was much better but I had an upset stomach most of the afternoon. I guess that was from the higher dosage.....I know tomorrow will be better. Thanks for your continued prayers and well wishes.

Thursday Prayer Request

Thanks to all of you who have been praying for us. I firmly believe that God is answering our prayers. I am nervous to hear back about the results from pathology. I hope that we will hear something today. I am still afraid of what we might learn. I keep thinking about the day of surgery and the radiologist changed the doctors plans after he reviewed the mammogram. He said the area was too big to just do the lumpectomy and that is why they didn't insert the needles before surgery. I wasn't planning on chest x-rays or body scans to also happen that day so that also scares me that they were looking for cancer in other areas. It is just so terrifying....I guess it is just the fear of the unknown and the waiting is horrible. I was reading about a woman who beat cancer many years ago and she said one of the things that helped her the most was when a friend prayed for God to take away her fear.....she said that prayer worked and she was able to stop living in fear of the unknown. So many of you have asked what you can do to help and today I would ask that you pray to God to take away my fear.

I feel so blessed to have all of you in my life. Our family is lucky to have all of your love and support.

Wednesday update

Thanks so much to all of you for your prayers - I know they are working. I was so thankful to hear that the lymph nodes looked clear....now we just need to wait on pathology to confirm that and get a firm diagnosis. Your cards, gifts, meals and well wishes certainly lift my spirits. We are so blessed to have all of you in our lives.....

I am feeling really good today. Very little pain. My family just left to head back up North so I am getting ready for a nap.

I will write more later when my head is a little clearer....pain meds are a good thing! Love to All---Jan

Jan - surgery update

Here is an update I got from Bret today at 2:33PM

Done, things look good and promising. I don't know much more but she should be awake in a little bit. Quicker surgery than we anticipated...doc said lymphnodes looked good too. We'll have all lab results in 2-3 days.

The night before surgery...

Thank you so much to all of you for all your kind words today by email, blog and phone. I tried to get everyone called back but ran out of time. I am completely overwhelmed by the love and generosity being shown to us from all over. It is times like this that you realize what is really important in life ----friends and family. Several of you brought food over tonight and it all was great - maybe I won't be too hungry going without food all day tomorrow after eating so much tonight. Thanks for thinking of us. It is such a relief to know that the kids will be well taken care of tomorrow and so many of you have also offered to help.

I am nervous about tomorrow but I am also ready to move forward and find out what we are dealing with.........whatever it is I am thankful to have all of your support and I know that we can continue to count on you during this journey.............

Monday Update

Jan spoke to the surgical assistant this morning and confirmed several things. The surgery is scheduled for Tuesday afternoon at 1. Because of the later surgery time, we will do pre-op in the morning rather than today. Jan's Mom, Dad and Sister are coming in this evening. The surgery will be an outpatient surgery, so please, do not send flowers to the hospital. Jan is in good spirits and has high hopes. Tyler is basically normal mode as we have played this low key with him and Jillian doesn't have a clue. We will only know a few things right after surgery, such as how invasive it is and if it has spread to her lymphnodes or not. The surgery may last 4 hrs. plus from our understanding. The oncology report and prognosis may not come for a few days until they get all the lab work back from the tumor and lymphnodes removed during surgery. In essence, we know she has it, we know there will be a lumpectamy and one or two lymphnodes removed tomorrow and that's about it. Thank you all in advance for your prayers and thoughts.

Bret

September 14th.....not a good day for me!

Friday morning started off great. The weather in Cinci was great and it was the last day of the work week. I buzzed downtown with no trouble to make a quick visit to Group Health for a mammogram. I had seen my GYN on Thursday to ask about a lump I found the previous weekend. He was not concerned at all but said just to be safe we should do a mammo. Since he wasn't concerned I wasn't because I had my last mammogram in January and everything looked good.



After the tech finished squishing me every way possible with the machine she told me the Radiologist wanted to talk with me.....I knew that wasn't normal but still thought we would chat and I would head on to work. As I walked in his small dark room I heard him take a long breath and give me a very concerned look.....I thought I was going to get sick. He went on to talk about how concerned he was by what he saw and that I should see a surgeon immediately. He went on and on about mastectomies and treatments but it was all too confusing now and I could not focus on what he was saying......I just kept thinking "I cannot believe this nice young man is telling me that he thinks I have cancer!" I wanted to get up and run but instead I sat there and cried as he continued to talk. Once he finished they were able to get me an immediate appointment with the surgeon who conveniently had an office right up stairs. I called Bret and told him to get there immediately.....



The nurses were very sweet and they moved me into a small room to make some calls....all of a sudden I couldn't breathe and my hands started to tingle....I knew I was going to pass out. The ladies let me lay down on an x-ray table and brought me a cool cloth. I settled down and started to make more calls. Once I covered work and family I called Annie and told her to talk me through this......she was an angel and kept me on the phone and told me that she knew I was going to be okay.



After getting lost Bret finally came in and we rushed up to meet Dr. Karlakian. After reviewing the films he came in to do an exam. He was the bright spot of the morning because he told us he did not believe the lump was cancer but he would do a needle biopsy just to be sure. He said he would rush it through the lab so we would have the results that evening. I left his office feeling much better and thinking that I really might be okay. We just needed those results to come back showing no cancer.



I called everyone back on my way home and gave them the hopeful news and promised to call them back as soon as we knew something.



My sister Kay arrived that afternoon to help out for the weekend. Then Dr. K finally called and said the test came back showing that I had cancer......I felt like my world was spinning out of control but I knew I had to get myself together and move forward. Kay left with the kids so Bret and I could make calls.......those were horrible calls to make but I have never felt so much love from so many people. We are so very blessed to have so many wonderful people in our lives who just wanted to so something for us.........I asked them to pray for all of us.........we are going to need it.

I found that staying busy is the best medicine. We have done lots of little projects around the house this weekend and Kay and I had some great "bonding" time together. The weekend has been filled with lots of phone calls and emails of support that keep my spirits up.

I am feeling optimistic but also terrified. I just want to know exactly what we are dealing with. I will find out Monday if they can fit me in for surgery on Tuesday and we should know all the facts by Friday.

I want to be a breast cancer survivor. I have donated my time and money for many years to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation because I believed it was a great cause and when my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2001 it became even more important for me to try to help....I just never wanted to be the person that they were trying to help........

There are so many other things in my head but I think this is enough for now.......I keep thinking I will wake up and this will just be a horrible dream. That would be nice and I know that it would certainly be a wake up call to always remember the important things in life. Every day is a gift!