Black Friday...I missed it!

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving...we had a wonderful day. Our cousin Linda, her husband Keith and their son Alex were here visiting. The kids played great together and it was fun catching up with Linda and Keith after so many years. Bret fried a turkey and it turned out perfect...just got done eating leftovers tonight - Yummy! I had a hard time falling asleep last night so I couldn't get motivated to get out and shop today...instead I took a three hour nap so now I am kind of bouncing off the walls! I got all the fall decorations put away today and am slowly pulling out some of the Christmas decorations while Jillian is sleeping...I can't stand the chaos if we pull it all out at once and she starts pulling it all out....not sure when we will do our tree...maybe tomorrow or Sunday. I am really looking forward to the holidays this year....last year is just a blur...I remember thinking I just wanted to get thru it and have them over with...things will be different this year...I told Tyler..."Mommy is back in the game!!"

My appt. with Dr. K. on Monday was disapointing...she has doubts that we can do much to fix the dent...there is also an area on my lower left breast that is puckering out into a small pocket...she thinks it is an area where the remaining skin and tissue is too thin so the implant is protruding. So, I still have my trainwreck foobs and we just need to give them some time to see how things settle after a while. She said we can try fat transfer but a lot of times that ends up lumpy which would just make things look worse....I am trying to settle my mind that maybe I will just be the poster child of breast cancer and bad reconstruction results.

Dr. K. is almost always right on time but at this appt. she was running late. As I sat in the waiting room one of Dr. B.'s breast cancer patients and her husband came in...we recognized each other right away...I had spoken with them on the day that she had her first chemo back in the summer...they are a very nice couple. She is getting ready to have her mastectomy so she was asking me lots of questions. After a few minutes a young lady that was also in the waiting room joined in our conversation. She told us she has expanders in right now and is getting ready for her exchange. She said that she was really having a hard time with all of this and just felt very alone...like no one else really knew what she was going thru. She asked me some questions about the exchange and then she continued to talk with the other gal while I went back to see Dr. K. While I was waiting in the exam room I wrote down my email address and the young survival web address. After I saw Dr. K and went back into the waiting room I went back to her to wish her luck with her upcoming surgery and to give her my info. She also gave me her card and said she would love to have someone to talk to. It was just so sad to see three young women all sitting there in various stages of having their breast removed and reconstructed...I made a comment about that when I saw Dr. K. and she said she is seeing more and more young women all the time...why is this? Are we finding cancers earlier, are we being more agressive with treatments? I don't know but I just hope that no one believes that breast cancer is easy to treat or that we are beating this horrible disease...we need more research to find better treatments and we need women to be better educated about their risks in their earlier years.


My Herceptin treatment on Tuesday went fine. Now that I no longer have a port poor Sharon has to fight with my horrible veins to start my IV....it took a while but she finally found one in the back of my hand. This was treatment 17 out of 18...it's hard to believe that I have sat in those chemo chairs that many times...plus 5 chemotherapy treatments...it's been 13 months. It will be weird to not go there every 3 weeks....I know I will have some fear of moving away from treatment and I am so thankful for the drug Herceptin....If I had been diagnosed b4 this drug was approved my prognosis would have much, much worse.
The chemo treatment room was full when I arrived on Tuesday....I took one of the last chairs and once I settled in with my water and blanket I looked over at the girl sitting directly across from me. She was there with her husband and mom...I saw the syringe containing the "red devil" hanging from her IV pole so I assumed she was being treated for breast cancer. She was very young and I could hear Sharon going over all the risks and side affects of the treatment she was getting...after Sharon did "the push" of the Red Devil it was hard not to notice that she was crying...my heart was just breaking for her and the journey that she was just beginning. A little later her mother-in-law came in with lunch for all of them. We both finished treatment about the same time. I had written her a short note telling her about the online support group that I belong to and I also gave her my email address and told her that she could email me if she had any questions or just needed to find someone that understood what she was going thru...I gave the note to her mother-in-law and went on my way...I have thought a lot about her this weekend and hope that she is doing well after her first treatment.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Sunday update

Well, the weekend is almost over but we only have a 3 day work week..YEAH! I will go see Dr. K. for a follow up tomorrow...I am anxious to see what her opinion is on my "dent"...I really hate it...I know that a lot of people say they don't notice it but it just makes me feel disfiguered....On Tuesday I will go for Herceptin treatment...after this one I only have 1 to go...that is so hard to comprehend...I have been doing this for a year.

Not much new with us. Bret and I went to see Harry Connick Jr. on Wednesday..it was a holiday concert. We had great seats - Thanks again Mom - this was one of my best bb-day presents ever. Harry and his band are incredible musicians...it was a beautiful concert. The Taft theater is small so the music just sounded so good...Last night we totally switched gears and went to the 1st Annual Rusty Ball. This is a fundraising event put together by a local 80s band called the Rusty Griswolds...they have quite a following here in Cinci. The event was at the Northern KY Convention Center. Bret and I volunteered to work at the "will call" ticket table. That turned out to be fun. Quite a few people dressed up in 80s attire...others were just decked out for a big night out on the town...the scary ones were the people that you didn't know if they were trying to dress in an 80s style or if they thought they were in style...

There was quite a large turnout for this being the 1st annual..I would guess between 800-1000. Since I am not allowed to dance I was hoping we could get a table close to the dancefloor and just watch...unfortunately the room wasn't really set up for that so we were home by 11:00. The music was pretty loud and my back was bothering me...gosh, sometimes I act so old!! Speaking of my back still bothering me...Bret keeps telling me that Dr. K is going to say I need a breast reduction...that is something I have never heard of after reconstruction....that would be just my luck!

I want to ask everyone to pray for Sue's son JD again. He will start chemo tomorrow. He has been so very brave but I just hate that he has to go thru this...He will do 4-6 months of chemo and then 6 months of an oral chemo..they have quite a journey ahead of them...here is a link to their caringbridge site http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/jdtaylor2
They have so many people reaching out to them to support them, pray for them or help in any way and I am thankful for that.

Brr..winter has arrived in Ohio

I wanted to share a couple Halloween pics....we had such a great Halloween! We had lots of friends over for a pitch in dinner, all the kids went trick or treating and we sat around the fire....the first Halloween pic was taken at work. A few of us dressed up that day. I really am surprised that I even did it...I have ALWAYS hated dressing up for Halloween..not sure what got in to me this year....

I also added a new pic so you all can see the new foobs! Hey - check out those bangs in that photo...I have been dying to have some bangs...they sure do grow SLOW!! Not sure why it looks like my face is so greasy...maybe I was having a hot flash when Bret took that pic and I didn't even notice..

Things with me are fine...I went back to work on Wednesday. I was very tired...for some reason my back is really hurting...I think I am trying to sit up very straight to keep these stupid underwires from jabbing me so bad...after a while that makes my back hurt. Everything seems to be healing just fine...I think the swelling has gone down and I see that my "dent" is still there. That was a huge bummer to see but we just have to see how everything "settles" and then go from there. I will see Dr. K. for another follow up next Monday.

Jillian lost a tooth today so she is anxious for the Tooth Fairy to visit...for some reason she looked at me tonight before she fell asleep and said "I don't ever want you to take medicine again that makes your hair fall out and I don't ever want you to go to surgery again"...I didn't know what to say back...I just hugged her...cancer sucks!

It is freezing here! We have had a few flurries yesterday and today...I guess it's time.

Stay warm!!

Follow up appt.

My appt. with Dr. K. went fine today...as soon as she walked in and shut the door I was unzipping that horrible surgical bra and pulling that baby off. She said everything looks ok. The right side is a little higher than the left but when we looked back at the pics they were that way with the expanders. She would still like for them to come in closer together so she taught me how to massage them....yep, I have to train these babies....3 times a day! I am sure Bret would be happy to take care of that "work" for me!

She said my incisions look fine and I just need to take it easy with the arms for a few more weeks...I guess I won't be running any marathons any time soon...I had taken my new bra with me so I put that one on and happily pitched the tortuous surgical bra into the trash can. Sadly, the new underwire doesn't feel a whole lot better...I have had on 3 different types today in hopes of finding one that doesn't feel so uncomfortable. Oh well, no pain, no gain!

I peaked!

When Dr. K finished my surgery she put another horrible, tight fitting surgical bra on me and then packed it full of gauze...she wanted to keep everything right where she put it and told us no shower and just leave everything alone until we saw her tomorrow....the first few days I would just kind of pull the bra open at the top and try to look in....couldn't see a whole lot but what I saw looked pretty good....the main thing I noticed is that the right side no longer look like it was sunken in...that was promising! Yesterday I went to take a nap and just couldn't get to sleep...the stupid bra is so tight and it just digs into both incisions underneath my foobs. I started thinking about the bra that Dr. K. told me to bring with me to the appt on Monday...she told me I needed a firm underwire bra and that I will need to wear it for 24 hours a day for an entire month...I have never been a fan of underwires...they just don't seem to be too comfy for "apple" shaped gals like me. But, before my surgery I did buy a nice white underwire bra...Yesterday, when I should have been napping I had the urge to try that bra on....I kept telling myself that I was not supposed to do it but finally the curiosity got the best of me...I took off the surgical bra and was hoping that all the gauze would just stay in the right position so it would be easier to put back on...oops...that didn't work out! As soon as I unzipped that bra all the gauze popped right out on the floor...I went ahead and put on my new bra and I was so excited...it was a C cup and one side was really filled in nice...the left side seems to still be pushing a little out so the inside of the cup was not quite filled out but still these foobs looked so much better than those crazy expanders. Jillian was napping and Tyler was in the basement so I grabbed a robe and went downstairs to where my Mom, sister and Bret were watching TV...I walked in the room like a Victoria's Secret model (yeah right!), opened the robe and said "Look how great these things look!" I think they were a little surprised but they all agreed that Dr. K had made some damn nice foobs! It was a good feeling...I was just really convinced that we would not have a good outcome and I would just always view my chest as a complete trainwreck....there may be a ton of scars going every which way but at least when I have clothes on I think I may be able to feel like I look normal again....

Recovery from this surgery has been slower than I expected. The day of surgery went well...Bret and I got to the surgicare area and they started prepping me right away. I had a very nice nurse and things were just fine until it was time for the IV. Her first attempt was on the inside of my arm by my elbow...she poked and poked and finally said she would need to try another spot...this is where they normally remove the needle and get a new one out....she decided she would leave this needle dangling from my arm just in case she needed to come back to that area and try again...What???!!! My nerves were already pretty frazzled but I just kept quiet as she decided the next best place to try would be the inside of my wrist...before she started she thought it would be helpful to tell me that this is one of the most painful areas to access because of the tendons..so in goes the needle and she can't hit a vein. I normally don't think this process hurts too bad but she started pushing and digging and pushing and digging like she almost forgot there was a human being attached to that arm ... the tears started flowing...I wanted to just slap her with my free hand!! Finally, she hit a vein and got out of the room as fast as she could. I was trying to "suck it up" and in walked Dr. K to mark me up...when she asked how I was doing I started crying again and said "I hate those DAMN IVs"..she looked to see where mine was and agreed that it was a hard spot to have one. After that drama things settled down. Dr. K. got out her sharpie and marked me up and then they finally let Bret come in with me. I had the same anesthesiologist that I had for my mastectomy...she is the BEST! (Thanks Carissa for setting that up for me again) She and another nurse came in to go over everything. We were all joking about foobs and they were asking me what size I wanted and they said they would be happy to speak on my behalf during the surgery!! They both commented on how they like to do these types of surgeries because it means that the woman is moving on to the next stage and starting to live life again...they really do have wonderful staff at Good Sam Hospital. As they wheeled me off to the OR Bret's final words were "don't be afraid to go big Honey!!" The girls got a chuckle out of that one! I remember going in to the operating room...we all started asking Dr. K about her new baby girl who was just 6 weeks old on that day...she pulled out some pics for all of us to look at....it just kind of seems funny to think of that scene...kind of like a bunch of girls just hanging out...I like it that way!

The next thing I rememember is being in recovery....I did not have any nausea which was so wonderful. I just kept asking for a drink because my mouth was so dry...after a while they took me back to my room and I was able to have a Pepsi and try to eat some crackers...before long they were loading me into a wheel chair and we were on the way home.

The first night was long...I couldn't sleep very well. I think I might have been having some odd reaction to one of the anesthesia meds...I had a weird itching sensation that would wake me up on a different part of my body over and over....I never did have a rash and that ended the next day. They wanted me to take Oxycodone for the pain and I was still wearing a nausea patch behind my ear....I think the combination of the two just really screwed my head up....by Wednesday night I decided I would rather be in pain than feel so messed up in the head so we pulled the patch and switched over to Tylenol for the pain....each day it has been easier to get around but the incision pain is constant...that sucks but it is tolerable.

Bret has taken such good care of me....we once again came up with a creative way to shower me without taking off the crazy bra and this time around he even got to find a way to wash my hair. I don't think that any woman could ask for her husband to take better care of her and the kids than what he has done...I am very blessed!

My sister, Kay, and my Mom came down to stay with us for the weekend. By request, my Mom made her wonderful Chicken & Dumplings yesterday...they were so good...Jillian even told Grandma she deserved a High 5!! It was so nice to have them here...we sat around this morning and talked a lot about our grandparents and Mom told us a lot of things about them that we were too young to remember...our grandparents lived so far away when we were growing up so we didn't really get to know them very well. I am so glad that my kids do have that opportunity...they love their grandparents! I hated to see them leave this morning but we really enjoyed their visit..after that I took a very long nap.

Thanks to all of you for the cards, prayers, gifts, food, phone calls, etc. after this surgery. It certainly has been a long journey and I just feel so blessed with your continued support...Love - Jan

Thursday Update

I'm sorry, I thought I updated this yesterday but forgot to publish it. Jan is doing fine. As Kay said, she came through great. She's had trouble getting good sleep, but is napping on/off. She quit taking her pain pills last night and swithced to asprin. I suspect she'll be out of bed some today and will update this with more detail. Thanks to everyone for the calls, support and prayers.

JAN UPDATE

Bret just called to announce the arrival of Jan and Bret's identical twins, Gummy and Bear. Bret did not give me the weight or size (Jan probably won't either) but Bret informs me Jan and the twins are doing just great!

All jokes aside, at 2:45 Bret called and Jan was out of surgery and he had just talked to the surgeon. He said Jan did just fine and they will be coming home tonight. He said the surgeon seemed pleased with the results. We then lost the connection so I couldn't get any more details.

I will keep you all posted if Bret doesn't have time to update you.

Thanks to all for your love, support and prayers!!

Kay

Today's the day....

Well, I am up and ready to go...too bad we don't have to be there for a couple more hours! I am feeling fine and just ready to get this part over with. I had my Herceptin treatment yesterday...it was kind of cool knowing that it was the last time I would use my port...I had it put in on Oct 30th of last year so it is time for it to go! Thanks to Carissa who has arranged for me to have another great anesthesia team at Good Sam Hospital...you are too good to me! Thanks to Heather for helping out with Jillian and keeping her tonight.

You all have read the wonderful, supportive, funny comments from my friend Sue here on my blog. She has talked about what they have been thru with JD and his brain tumor....unfortunately, last week they found out that the tumor has grown again and now they will do surgery (his 5th) and follow that up with chemotherapy. It has been such a tough week for them and I wanted to ask for prayers as JD goes into surgery tomorrow. Here is the link to his blog - http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/jdtaylor2

My surgery doesn't start until 12:30 so it will probably be late before we have any updates. We will get a message out here as soon as possible.

Thanks to all of you for your constant love and support - it means the world to us!!