Well, it's really not breast camp but that's what some of us jokingly call it. On Thursday eve I am flying to Dallas to attend a conference dedicated to young women with breast cancer. I will be there until Sunday afternoon. I am so excited to finally get a chance to meet so many of the wonderful women that I have met online since I was diagnosed. Besides the "medical" side of the conference there will also be lots of fun. On Friday night a large group of us are going to a "cowboy" bar/dance hall with a mechanical bull...nope, I don't plan to ride and you all know how much I don't like line dancing but it should be fun to watch! On Saturday they will have a dinner for everyone attending the conference and then there will be a DJ after that. They have some great meetings planned with excellent speakers so I am looking forward to learning a lot...the main issues I hope to focus on are my reconstruction options and new defenses against recurrence.
I am going to copy someone else's writing on here again but when I read this I felt like I could have written the exact same thing. This was part of a eulogy written for a young wife and mother that past away on Valentine's Day after a very long battle with breast cancer ...the woman that wrote this met her in our online support group and during the service she wanted to explain the bond that we all have....
Angela (Blessed4) 11/28/74- 02/14/09
Hello, My name is Bethany. Angela and I met in cyberspace. Turns out we live 21 miles apart, with Angela in ***********, and me in *******. But it took breast cancer and the Internet to bring us together, and for a beautiful eternal friendship to be born.
Angela asked me to tell you the story of her breast cancer sisterhood.... She believed it was very important for you all to know about it, because it was such an important part of her life. And who better to tell you this story than one of her breast cancer sisters.
There is an instant, indescribable, unconditional bond that exists between breast cancer survivors. Maybe because we’ve all been there, done that and bought the t-shirt.
But we love and understand each other without speaking the words. When a sister is suffering, we are all there with unconditional love. We understand each other on a level that perhaps friends and family will never fully experience or understand.
We speak openly of our fears, our rage, our worries and our heartbreaks.
Once you’ve stared the beast in the face. Your innocence is gone. You realize that your body can betray you, that perhaps you don’t have the control you thought you had, and you start to think about your mortality.
You have to make difficult decisions about surgery and treatment. And you live with the knowledge that despite your best decisions and efforts, and God’s Love, you may die. Perhaps sooner than you ever expected. You may not survive your encounter with the beast.
I, myself, am a nine-year survivor of the beast. I will NEVER understand why some people survive and why we lose so many blessed ones, especially tragic when one is so young and loved by so many as Angela was. I think we lost 34 sisters in our online young survivor community last year. The youngest was 23.
I want you to know that Angela became everyone’s sister... I want to tell you that HUNDREDS of hearts all over the United States, Canada, and throughout the world were broken on Valentine’s Day, 2009 I know mine was.
Today, I was going to tell you the story of a beautiful princess in cyberspace whose dying wish was to take her family to Disneyland to create beautiful forever memories. But I’ll bet most of you already know this tale. She was in hospice care, was turned down by a wish granting foundation. Then hundreds of women in cyberspace who had never met Angela and were dealing with their own serious health issues, along with generous Denver citizens who saw her story on Channel 2 News all banded together with small and large donations and raised thousands of dollars in a matter of weeks and made Angela’s wish come true. We called ourselves her Fairy GodSisterhood!! A large National non-profit would not grant her wish, but a bunch of sisters tied together by the bonds of breast cancer made her dreams come true.
Many other magical things happened along the way to Disney including Angela and her husband’s fairytale dinner at the exclusive Club 34, an opportunity that was beyond Angela’s wildest dreams!!
Now, I want tell you about how the magic continued for Angela and her breast cancer Sisters, AFTER the Disney trip. In the remaining months of Angela’s life, the sisterhood continued to support her in real and tangible ways.
Every week, people asked for updates. What’s new? How is Angela and her family? Does she need anything? One sister put it best, “These updates helped make Angela real, kept her a personality for all of us, not just another name on the computer screen”
Angie D., in Toronto. started a list she called “Angela’s Care List.” Every week some one would send Angela a gift and or card so she would never feel alone or forgotten by her sisters.
Hospital stay after hospital stay I would post updates, as Angela requested. With each new message, dozens, sometimes hundreds of responses poured in, each filled with more love and more prayers.
I’ve never witnessed anything as magical, powerful and inspiring as the love the sisterhood felt for Angela and her family. My heart was touched day after day by all the genuine love. I would always read Angela the messages and she would smile. I know she felt the love and I’d like to think all the love strengthened her will to live and persevere.
I hope this gives you a little insight about who I am talking about when I say "my online support group". It will be an honor to be with so many of these incredible women who have offered me so much support during my journey....there was always someone on the other side of the computer that could tell me "I understand exactly what you are feeling"....it is a gift I will never take for granted....
Please keep those prayers coming for JD and family!! Thanks
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Not much new here...that's a good thing!!
I don't have much new to report...everyone in the Middleton household is fine...I wanted to ask for prayers for Sue's son JD. He has been doing chemo after having a brain tumor and this Friday they will do an MRI..we need everyone to pray that the chemo has worked and that the tumor is not growing back. I am copying a request that Kristen (Sue's daughter) posted on her blog last week. I asked her if it was ok for me to copy it here so that we can have as many people as possible praying for him and their entire family.
I remember the phone call nearly four years ago... I could hear the fear in my mom's voice. She could barely choke the words out... "They've found a large mass on his brain. We meet with the neurosurgeon tomorrow." What!? I dropped to my knees and was sick to my stomach. I'd never been more afraid in my life. I remember what I was wearing, who I was with, the conversations that followed. I remember pleading with the Lord, begging Him to let my brother be okay. I remember the hour drive I made the next day, listening to Jeremy Camp's 'Walk by faith' and 'I still believe' over and over. I remember meeting my family at Dr. Young's office, walking in, JD saying innocently and without fear, "Hey, sissy- did you know I have something growing on my brain?" and I remember holding back the tears. I remember the first surgery, and the second, and the third. I remember him bouncing back like it was nothing. I remember them telling us they got all of the tumor, but they weren't sure if he'd be able to speak... and right after surgery him saying 'Hey, bunkbed' to me. I didn't hold back the tears then... I rejoiced. I remember MRI after MRI. I remember radiation. I remember sitting with Jack, watching the strong little boy strapped to the table as we stood and cried, wishing we could trade him places. I remember when his hair started to fall out, and then when it grew back. I remember that first good MRI. And the second, and the third. I remember nearly two years of good reports... and then August hit.
I remember where I was, what I was wearing, who I was with, the conversation that followed. It was the first appointment I'd missed. JD called me, voice as strong as ever, unwavering... "Sissy, my tumor's growing." I remember him reassuring me that it was going to be okay, while I crumbled. He was just 12! Once again... I was so afraid. I remember surgery number 4, and how terrible it was, how hard recovery was, how hard it was to see JD like that. Then came another MRI.. the tumor was back, and this time it was serious (as if it wasn't before). Fear struck like never before. That dreadful 'c' word was being bounced around. We met with the oncologist, discussed a fifth surgery, possible radiation, definitely chemotherapy. Oh, I was afraid. I cried and cried... and cried. We begged, pleaded with the Lord... please, let my brother be okay. Please, let this work. Fifth surgery came and went like it was a walk in the park. They got all of the tumor. They started chemotherapy. Seven(ish) weeks following surgery, just a week before Christmas, they did another MRI. As soon as the doctor walked in the door he proclaimed, "First things first, the MRI was clear!" More tears, but once again rejoicing.
Will you, my friends, please join me in praying? Next week comes an MRI that will be pretty indicative of the effectiveness of the chemotherapy. I'm a nervous wreck... we all are. I find myself, once again, begging, pleading with the Lord.. please, let my brother be okay. I am heartbroken for him and all that he has endured already, at a mere 13 years of age. The strength he has, the joy he brings, the character he is- oh, what a boy!, he's such an incredible young man. I wish I could express in words what my heart is feeling. I wish you knew JD. Everyone of you. I don't even know who all reads this, and some of you may know JD, and you know... he loves people, loves to make them laugh, make them feel at ease, comfortable. He's a riot, will make a joke out of anything. He's a wonderful, wonderful person- and even if he weren't my little brother, I would be so proud of him.
Please pray for him, pray with us, pray for us through this.
"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all that we can ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be the glory..." (Ephesians 3:20)
For those of you that have been reading my blog you probably feel like you know Sue from the messages she has posted on here...she is such a special friend and I love her and her family so much. JD has been so strong during chemo. I can't imagine how hard it is on Sue and Jack to watch him go thru this...especially when it makes him sick. On the days he does chemo they are all on my mind all day...I anxiously wait for her to post that they are home and he is ok....if you have ever had to wait for medical tests or results you have some sense of how this week will be for them...it won't be easy but hopefully they will feel all the love and prayers coming their way and that will help just a little...thank you so much for your prayers..
I remember the phone call nearly four years ago... I could hear the fear in my mom's voice. She could barely choke the words out... "They've found a large mass on his brain. We meet with the neurosurgeon tomorrow." What!? I dropped to my knees and was sick to my stomach. I'd never been more afraid in my life. I remember what I was wearing, who I was with, the conversations that followed. I remember pleading with the Lord, begging Him to let my brother be okay. I remember the hour drive I made the next day, listening to Jeremy Camp's 'Walk by faith' and 'I still believe' over and over. I remember meeting my family at Dr. Young's office, walking in, JD saying innocently and without fear, "Hey, sissy- did you know I have something growing on my brain?" and I remember holding back the tears. I remember the first surgery, and the second, and the third. I remember him bouncing back like it was nothing. I remember them telling us they got all of the tumor, but they weren't sure if he'd be able to speak... and right after surgery him saying 'Hey, bunkbed' to me. I didn't hold back the tears then... I rejoiced. I remember MRI after MRI. I remember radiation. I remember sitting with Jack, watching the strong little boy strapped to the table as we stood and cried, wishing we could trade him places. I remember when his hair started to fall out, and then when it grew back. I remember that first good MRI. And the second, and the third. I remember nearly two years of good reports... and then August hit.
I remember where I was, what I was wearing, who I was with, the conversation that followed. It was the first appointment I'd missed. JD called me, voice as strong as ever, unwavering... "Sissy, my tumor's growing." I remember him reassuring me that it was going to be okay, while I crumbled. He was just 12! Once again... I was so afraid. I remember surgery number 4, and how terrible it was, how hard recovery was, how hard it was to see JD like that. Then came another MRI.. the tumor was back, and this time it was serious (as if it wasn't before). Fear struck like never before. That dreadful 'c' word was being bounced around. We met with the oncologist, discussed a fifth surgery, possible radiation, definitely chemotherapy. Oh, I was afraid. I cried and cried... and cried. We begged, pleaded with the Lord... please, let my brother be okay. Please, let this work. Fifth surgery came and went like it was a walk in the park. They got all of the tumor. They started chemotherapy. Seven(ish) weeks following surgery, just a week before Christmas, they did another MRI. As soon as the doctor walked in the door he proclaimed, "First things first, the MRI was clear!" More tears, but once again rejoicing.
Will you, my friends, please join me in praying? Next week comes an MRI that will be pretty indicative of the effectiveness of the chemotherapy. I'm a nervous wreck... we all are. I find myself, once again, begging, pleading with the Lord.. please, let my brother be okay. I am heartbroken for him and all that he has endured already, at a mere 13 years of age. The strength he has, the joy he brings, the character he is- oh, what a boy!, he's such an incredible young man. I wish I could express in words what my heart is feeling. I wish you knew JD. Everyone of you. I don't even know who all reads this, and some of you may know JD, and you know... he loves people, loves to make them laugh, make them feel at ease, comfortable. He's a riot, will make a joke out of anything. He's a wonderful, wonderful person- and even if he weren't my little brother, I would be so proud of him.
Please pray for him, pray with us, pray for us through this.
"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all that we can ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be the glory..." (Ephesians 3:20)
For those of you that have been reading my blog you probably feel like you know Sue from the messages she has posted on here...she is such a special friend and I love her and her family so much. JD has been so strong during chemo. I can't imagine how hard it is on Sue and Jack to watch him go thru this...especially when it makes him sick. On the days he does chemo they are all on my mind all day...I anxiously wait for her to post that they are home and he is ok....if you have ever had to wait for medical tests or results you have some sense of how this week will be for them...it won't be easy but hopefully they will feel all the love and prayers coming their way and that will help just a little...thank you so much for your prayers..
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Sunday update...
I hope everyone had a nice Valentine's Day....Bret and I spent most of the evening at IKEA looking at cabinets for our entryway to the garage...who ever imagined that store had so many choices...it really made my head hurt!! We went out for a nice dinner after that.
Tonight we had a great visit with Vicki (my sis), Todd & Em. Todd is here for work so it was nice to hang out with them for the evening....
Good news about the Kindervelt Bingo fundraiser from last week - we raised over $500 that night...the proceeds go to the Cinci Children's Hospital. I am really glad that I joined the group and think I will really enjoy being involved in more fundraisers.
On Friday Heather and I took Jillian and Amanda to the Cinci Ballet to see Peter Pan. It was quite a special evening because maestro (Carmen DeLeone) had actually composed Peter Pan back in the mid 90s. He was also celebrating his 40th year with the Cinci Ballet. The music and the ballet were beautiful. I thought Amanda and Jillian did great...I have to admit that I forgot that there is no speaking in the ballet...the story is told completely thru the dance but the girls seemed to be able to follow quite well. I don't think ever really knew the story of Peter Pan so I was a little lost....
I heard a great quote I wanted to share...on Friday I was listening to a local "radio-thon" for the Cinci Ronald McDonald House...we have the 3rd largest one in the country. They told the story of a young girl who was from New Jersey and she lived at the house for a long time because she needed an organ transplant. She painted a beautiful picture and the caption read - "You cannot change the story that God has written for you but you can embrace it". For some reason this really hit home with me. I have never asked God why I have breast cancer....I always just pray that he will heal me and let me do something good with what I have learned on this journey. The good news is she received her transplant and is now back home doing well....what a great message she was able to share....
Tonight we had a great visit with Vicki (my sis), Todd & Em. Todd is here for work so it was nice to hang out with them for the evening....
Good news about the Kindervelt Bingo fundraiser from last week - we raised over $500 that night...the proceeds go to the Cinci Children's Hospital. I am really glad that I joined the group and think I will really enjoy being involved in more fundraisers.
On Friday Heather and I took Jillian and Amanda to the Cinci Ballet to see Peter Pan. It was quite a special evening because maestro (Carmen DeLeone) had actually composed Peter Pan back in the mid 90s. He was also celebrating his 40th year with the Cinci Ballet. The music and the ballet were beautiful. I thought Amanda and Jillian did great...I have to admit that I forgot that there is no speaking in the ballet...the story is told completely thru the dance but the girls seemed to be able to follow quite well. I don't think ever really knew the story of Peter Pan so I was a little lost....
I heard a great quote I wanted to share...on Friday I was listening to a local "radio-thon" for the Cinci Ronald McDonald House...we have the 3rd largest one in the country. They told the story of a young girl who was from New Jersey and she lived at the house for a long time because she needed an organ transplant. She painted a beautiful picture and the caption read - "You cannot change the story that God has written for you but you can embrace it". For some reason this really hit home with me. I have never asked God why I have breast cancer....I always just pray that he will heal me and let me do something good with what I have learned on this journey. The good news is she received her transplant and is now back home doing well....what a great message she was able to share....
Sunday, February 8, 2009
A few pics from the weekend...
Well, I have finally learned how to post pics so I don't have to bug Bret to do it for me...these are some pics from my weekend that I wanted to share. That is Bret with our friend Addie...she turned 1 on Friday...I was not able to make it to her party so we had them over for dinner earlier in the week to celebrate. I just adore this little girl...she has the best disposition of any baby I have ever been around..over the last year there were days that I certainly didn't feel like smiling but if I would see her and that cute little grin it always made me feel better...we love spending time with her, her big sis Amanda (in the cheer pic with Jillian) and their Mom Heather.
On Friday Jillian went to 2 birthday parties while I worked at a bingo fundraiser for my Kindervelt group. Kindervelt is the women's auxillary that works to raise money to fund different projects at the Cincinnati Children's hospital. This was our first bingo night and it turned out to be really fun...not sure how much money we raised yet. I had not played bingo in a long time so I thought I would get six cards...I forgot how much you really have to concentrate so it wasn't long until I was giving my cards away and finding something else to do!!
Saturday morning Jillian had cheerleading and after that she and I went to celebrate another 1st B-day...it was for a good friend from work so we enjoyed spending the afternoon with them. After that it was time to get ready for 80s night bunco with the Strawberry Hill Bunco Babes....wow - what fun! Everyone really got into it...a lot of us brought old pics and we even had 80s trivia in between the bunco rounds. After we finished playing a few of us decided to go out dancing....we ended up a new club here in Landen...they had a band but we really didn't like the music too much...a little too hard core (or angry as Maria called it) for us old gals but we made the best of it and stayed until closing time.
Today was obviously a lazy day after a very late night. Heather and I took Addie for a walk by the lake...it finally made it to the 50s this weekend so everyone was enjoying the warmer weather.
It's hard to imagine that it was a year ago yesterday that I took my last dose of chemo...that was on my mind a lot this past week...just thinking back to how I felt that day..how tired I was from the treatments and the affects it was having on my body. I also remember how tired I was of wearing wigs and just wanted my hair to grow back and I was also trying to get mentally prepared for the mastectomy...needless to say, that was certainly a low point for me but I made it though...I could not have done that without all the love and support of Bret and all of you...my friends and family. You are a precious gift...THANKS!!!!
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Winter bugs...
I think the entire town of Cinci is sick with stomach viruses or upper resp. crap. I am home with Jillian today...I had to take her to the clinic last night and she has an upper resp infection....she just had the stomach virus about 2 weeks ago. Bret took his turn with the stomach virus this past weekend and then I ended up with a sinus infection on Tuesday...UGH! We need winter to be over!
We have had 2 big winter storms the last 2 weeks...both have dumped a ton of snow on us...Bret was driving home in the one this week and sat on interstate 71 in Cinci for over 6 hours! The kids have missed quite a few days of school so hopefully we won't have much more of this...it is actually supposed to be 50 this weekend so that will be a nice change.
I am feeling fine after my surgery...sleeping is still a challenge because I have a hard time finding a comfortable position...I am not a back sleeper which really would come in handy in times like these. Mentally I am feeling great...it is amazing how stressful waiting for results can be.
I saw the PS for a follow up on Monday...she checked out the incision and said everything looked fine. Then we talked about what to do next...she said we don't want to work on nips or tats until we know if we are going to do any other revisions. We talked about the denting that is above both implants...I don't like the idea of fat injections because they seem to fail too many times. She said that maybe we could swap the implants up to 800ccs from the 700ccs that I have and do a slight breast lift...this should cover the dents. I told her I just wanted to give it some time....I go back and see her in 6 months and we will talk about it again then. I think I just need to see how I feel when I start wearing summer clothes and bathing suits...if if really bothers me then I will do the revision....the good thing is I don't have to be in a rush...there is not time limit and the revision surgeries are not too intensive.
I hope everyone is staying warm and healthy! Thanks for checking in!
We have had 2 big winter storms the last 2 weeks...both have dumped a ton of snow on us...Bret was driving home in the one this week and sat on interstate 71 in Cinci for over 6 hours! The kids have missed quite a few days of school so hopefully we won't have much more of this...it is actually supposed to be 50 this weekend so that will be a nice change.
I am feeling fine after my surgery...sleeping is still a challenge because I have a hard time finding a comfortable position...I am not a back sleeper which really would come in handy in times like these. Mentally I am feeling great...it is amazing how stressful waiting for results can be.
I saw the PS for a follow up on Monday...she checked out the incision and said everything looked fine. Then we talked about what to do next...she said we don't want to work on nips or tats until we know if we are going to do any other revisions. We talked about the denting that is above both implants...I don't like the idea of fat injections because they seem to fail too many times. She said that maybe we could swap the implants up to 800ccs from the 700ccs that I have and do a slight breast lift...this should cover the dents. I told her I just wanted to give it some time....I go back and see her in 6 months and we will talk about it again then. I think I just need to see how I feel when I start wearing summer clothes and bathing suits...if if really bothers me then I will do the revision....the good thing is I don't have to be in a rush...there is not time limit and the revision surgeries are not too intensive.
I hope everyone is staying warm and healthy! Thanks for checking in!
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