Sue-you crack me up!

Yes, Sue...that really is my hair...funny you should say that...I was telling the gals at work today that when I looked in the mirror I thought it was kind of "creepy" how much my hair looked like my favorite wig that I wore during chemo...isn't it crazy to look back over the past months and see how it has grown...

I will never take it for granted...I promise you that!! It was definetely time for an updated picture...it always bugged me how greasy my face looked in that last pic and I don't have greasy skin...UGH!!

No news yet...Update..Just got the call

The nurse just called to say that everything was benign so that is great news...thanks for all your prayers and support...I am sure I will need them again someday...that's just how something like this goes!!


Well, I am still waiting...hoping to hear something this morning...I even shot an email off to Dr. B. on the off chance that they might have sent him a copy of the report.

The kids are off from school again today...they think that's great but it won't be long and we will be talking about a longer school year to make these days up...

I thought I would take the time to today to go over the surgery on Monday....as soon as we walked into the waiting room the nurse came out to call me back. We went over the basic medical info and it was time to put on the lovely gown....since I was having surgery in the Outpatient treatment center I actually got to stay dressed from the waist down which is kind of nice. The nurse said Dr. K. wanted to do an exam prior to the surgery...I guess he was hoping the lump would be gone...it wasn't. When the nurse started talking about IV sedation I told her about the issues I had when I had my port put in...kind of "off the cuff" she said, " well, if you want to try it while being awake we could probably get him to agree to that." I felt like that was a big decision and not much time to think about it so I said yes, I wanted them to just numb the area. She walked me back into the OR and got me settled on the table...my left arm was strapped down and they also strap you down across your waist...OR tables are very skinny if you didn't know that..they don't want you falling off...another thing they do is put a big sticky pad on your stomach - the nurse explained that this is to "ground you" when they have to cauterize something with an electrical instrument..(I was just hoping that I wouldn't smell burning flesh...that would make me SICK!)... the surgical tech and Dr. K came in and then another nurse came in. As soon as she spoke I thought I recognized her voice...it was sweet Pat...my wonderful nurse from when I had my port put in. She came over and held my hand and talked...such a sweetie! Dr. K is very calm and very courteous to the surgical staff..when he would speak to me he was very supportive and calm...they had top 40 music playing in the background and we we all just chatting...seemed pretty odd! Once he marked up the area he wanted to remove it was time to numb the area...that stings pretty bad and hurts a little. They had a "tent" up by my face so that I couldn't see what he was doing and the nurse stayed up by my head...Oh, I forgot to mention that I took my lucky Ladybug surgical hat that Carissa had given me when I had my mastectomy...everyone loved it! Anyway, things were moving along ok. I could just feel some pressure where he was cutting and then he hit an area that wasn't numbed! OUCH! I winced from the pain and he instantly stopped and had the tech add more numbing to the area. Things got a little wacky after that...my blood pressure dropped, I felt like I was going to get sick and I was sweating like crazy...as nuts as things were I remember one drop of sweat running all the way down my side because I was in a half sitting up position...the nurse was great and kept getting a cook washcloth to put on my head and just kept trying to talk to me about things like kids, work, etc. Finally, he said he was done. I noticed that I could not move my hands...they were both completely numb...not sure if that was from the blood pressure crash or what but it was an odd feeling. Dr. K. talked with me and told me that he really didn't think it was a cancerous tumor and then he was off on his way to do another surgery...he is a very sweet man. The surgical tech finished things up while the nurse kept trying to cool me down. After a few minutes I started feeling much better and told her I was ready to go. She put me in a wheelchair and took me out to recovery. Pat brought me a Pepsi and a graham cracker and they called Bret back. Within a few minutes I was ready to go...I didn't even have to go out in a wheelchair this time which was different! I just got up and walked out. I think I had some BP issues throughout the day....I don't know if that is your bodies way of reacting to the stress or maybe the pain but it's odd for my BP to be low since it normally runs a little high but this has happened with other surgeries. The incision hurt pretty bad most of the day...I think he had to cut pretty deep to get it out and he had to go thru the muscle...I took one pain pill and it made me sick to my stomach so I decided to just deal with it....I found that as long as I wasn't moving I felt pretty good....watched a lot of boring TV that day and night. I am glad I made the decision to not use IV sedation...I was pretty nervous and it seemed like time went very slowly in there but looking back at it I think it was the right decision for me and it let me see what really goes on during surgeries which I have always been a little curious about....

As always, Bret took wonderful care of me...he takes care of my every need...even went out in an ice storm to get me a McD's iced tea...now that's a great guy!!! Heather kept Jillian with her that night so by the time she came home the next day we didn't even tell her that I had surgery.

I took off the bandages on Tuesday....under the steri strips it looks like the incision might be almost an inch long...it's right next to the incision I had when I had a cyst removed in that area many years ago...I think it's time to name this foob the "Frankenfoob"! It now has 5 scars (CORRECTION 6 SCARS -FORGOT ABOUT THE PORT SCAR))...what a mess...poor thing!

No news...thanks to the weather.

It looks like we won't be getting the pathology report back today...Cincinnati has declared a level 3 snow emergency so everything is shutting down. I talked to the nurse just before noon and she said the report was not in yet and they were closing at noon...UGH!

Bret and Tyler are out trying to clear off the driveway and Jillian is making snow angels...we have several inches of snow and ice so it's not an easy job...even with a snow blower!!

Thanks for waiting with me....

Doing ok...

Thanks for checking in and all the great messages. I am doing fine...just tired and sore but nothing too bad....as long as I don't use my right arm I feel good...the problem is I am right handed...UGH!

Yesterday was certainly a new experience...I have always kind of wondered what goes on in the operating room...not necessarily the way I wanted to find out but it really was ok. I'll write more about that when I get my head cleared...the pain pills were making me sick to my stomach so today I am just using the Ativan which can help with the nausea.

You should have seen the look on the nurses face when Bret said "I don't think we have gotten our money's worth today", she cracked up and said that was the first time she had ever heard that. It was Pat, who was my wonderful nurse on the day that I got my port put in so it was nice to catch up with her...she's an angel.

Hopefully we will have the pathology report back tomorrow...it will be good to get that final report but Dr. K was VERY optimistic once he looked at what he took out...in a way I wish that I would have asked to see it but I didn't....

We are right in the middle of a big winter storm...schools are closed today from the snow last night...now we are supposed to get a pretty heavy ice storm and then more snow on top of that. Tyler will be abl to try out his new snow blower...Heather kept Jillian with them last night so I am sure she is having a blast.

More later....love to all!

SHE'S HOME

My brother in-law promised (at 10:30AM) that he would update the blog within an hour or so and I see he hasn't so I thought I would slip on and tell you all what he told me:

Jan is home! She did not have to go to sleep, they were able to use a local. All went real well and the surgeon had no reason to believe it was cancer!

Now you can all just be patient and wait for Bret to give us details.

Thanks!
Kay

Didn't get our money's worth this morning!

We weren't there long enough for them to do anything it seems like so I told the nurse we didn't want to go home until I felt like we got our money's worth. It brought a small chuckle....... Jan opted out of general anesthesia and had a local instead, in hopes it would be easier and wouldn't make her sick. It worked out great! She was in and out in about 35-40 minutes, when I went back to see her in the recovery, she looked better than when she had went in. I don't know how she does it. Anyway, we were walking out of there and home around 11:00 or so. She is sore and on some pain meds and sleeping like a baby now. Dr. K said his thoughts are that we may have made a big deal out of nothing, it appeared to be muscle/fatty/scar tissue that had moved around from all the other operations she's had and he didn't think it appeared to be cancerous. You talk about a relief. I think she just had a million pound weight lifted off her shoulders. We don't get the pathology report back until Wednesday to confirm though. As Jan has stated many, many times, you are all so awesome sending cards, e-mails, positive thoughts and prayers, we simply couldn't ask for more. Thank you for being our good friends and neighbors and family! I'm sure Jan will be ready to get back to blogging and emailing before you know it!

Sunday update...surgery in the morning...

Wow, today has been a REALLY lazy day...the only thing I did was go to Bed, Bath & Beyond to get some new sheets I had looked at around Christmas...I decided if I had a few days of recovery coming up I might as well be cozy. I have to be at the hospital at 8:30 and surgery is supposed to start at 9:30. I will have Kay post an udpate after surgery. It will be good to get this over with...I am very curious to hear how long it will take to get the final pathology report back...I am hoping it won't take more than a day or two...I am SICK of waiting!

Not really a lot going on with us...Bret got home from Florida on Saturday morning...Jillian had a stomach bug or ate something REALLY bad on Friday so she and I were up most of the night Friday (changing sheets, doing laundry...YUCK!!)...she had to miss her dance pics and cheerleading on Saturday but most of the day she acted like she had never been sick...amazing how quickly kids bounce back. Last night we played in a fun Farkel tournament with some neighbors...I won the big $20 prize for most points for the night...it was a late night but fun to spend the evening with friends.

Thanks to all of you for your support these last few weeks...I don't know how I would get thru these "trials" without you! I am VERY blessed!

I'm just ticked off....

That's how I feel today..I was talking with someone tonight and was saying that I was so happy for the new year and how I was looking forward to putting this crap behind me....

Back from Orlando...now I need a vacation!!??

The kids and I flew back from Orlando yesterday...Bret will be down there for work the rest of the week. It was nice to get away from these freezing temps here in Ohio...it wasn't hot in Florida...just very comfortable temps for sightseeing. Jillian is the only one brave enough for the pool...it was heated and she didn't seem to mind to cool air at all.

We stayed at the Nickelodeon Hotel which is kind of like a vacation spot inside of a hotel..they do live Nick shows (complete with slime) at night, they have a game room, character breakfasts, a 4D theater,a water park and on and on...we stayed in the Dora themed room complete with bunk beds for the kids...I have to say it was kind of cute to see Jillian and Tyler in there together. On Friday we spent the day at Disney's Animal Kingdom...this was the first visit to this park for all of us. It really is a beautiful park and the shows are incredible. Saturday I took Jillian to a Disney character breakfast at the Grand Floridian hotel and then we went to Downtown Disney. They have a new T-Rex restraunt there which is unbelievable..that was a fun experience. After that Bret and Tyler went and rode go-carts and played some mini golf while Jillian and I went back to the hotel so she could play in the water park. That evening she went to the Nick at Night Club (kids only activities all night) and Bret and Tyler and I did some shopping at the Outlet Mall, went to Disney Boardwalk and out to dinner...it was nice to have a little time to just focus on Tyler. Saturday we went to Sea World...this was Jillian's first visit. It was a beautiful day and again all the shows are awesome.

This was supposed to be one of the slow times for Disney but I felt like everything was pretty crowded...you all know how much I DO NOT enjoy crowds...I would definetely say that you did not see any signs of a bad economy down there this weekend...the majority of the people seemed to be from the northeast part of the US or from South America...interesting!

I think the kids enjoyed the vacation...Jillian did drive us all insane most of the time...she just always wants to argue, have the last word or be the boss - UGH!! There were a few times we had to "help her" adjust her attitude but it just never seemed to really help...she is one challenging child and I swear that Tyler was NEVER like this.

I know my tolerance level for this kind of stuff is not what it should be...the stupid lump seemed like it kind of ached most of the time so it was like a constant reminder that something is there that needs to come out. I wish the surgery was already over with...I can't help worrying about what it is.

Just a down day...

Work was rough and I just seemed to have no focus...my mind keeps going back to the lump...should we have delayed our trip to go ahead and get it out?? I know it's just 2 weeks from now but I am really driving myself crazy with worry. The more and more I think about it I am afraid they are going to tell me we are going to do everything over again....I don't know how I could do that....doing it once when you don't know what to expect is one thing...doing it a second time when you know how bad it can be would be so much harder....I just don't think that I am really that strong....

A little more info on the biopsy...

After I talked to Dr. B I got a call from Dr. Kerlakian's nurse. She was not as positive as Dr. B was about the results. She said the sample taken was very small and possibly inconclusive..bottom line is that he really thinks there is no cancer but still wants it to be removed. I told her I was fine with that so they are setting up a date at the hospital for the last week of the month. I HATE the idea of another surgery...I was hoping they could just do this in his office...give me a big shot of whiskey and some leather to bite on...Not an option...DAMN!

I put a call in to the PS just so she was aware that Dr. Kerlakian would be messing with her foob work. She called me back last night and we went over everything. She felt comfortable with him that he would not be messing anything up or he would have asked for her to be there....I see her the first week of February so I guess we will be adding the new scars to our list of things to fix someday....

I will just be glad to get this behind me...it's been scary but I do believe that it will be ok....the biopsy was the exact same procedure I had when I was first diagnosed...it was a much more difficult area to access and we got accurate results that time around...

Not much else going on with us. Bret and I went out shopping and to dinner last night. Jillian had her first basketball game for cheerleading today and then we went to the school to get her tap and ballet costumes for her upcoming recital. Tonight we went out with the Gahlberg's & Hulefelds to celebrate Steve's 44th B-day. After that we played Cranium...another good old game...Steve and I lost...I do have to say that I do think I am pretty good on the sculpting challenges...it was a fun night out with friends!!

Good report..

Dr. B. called and said the sample showed no cancer...he still wants it removed...whatever it is. He was going to call the surgeon and have him call me to discuss surgery...

Thanks for all your prayers...you all are the best!!

No news...

I checked with the nurse before they closed this afternoon and they did not have my results back...she said to check back after 10 tomorrow...the waiting sucks..so many scenarios go thru my mind....

Thanks for the prayers...

Another biopsy...

Let's just start off by saying today really sucked....work has been tough this week so I was already in a rotten mood when I went to see Dr. B. We talked for a while about follow up, my Lupron shots, bone density issues, etc. I finally said..."I need you to feel a lump that I found"....we were both standing as I showed him where it was and he started to examine it...I kept looking in his eyes hoping to see him relax and say it was ok but he didn't. He said it just didn't feel like scar tissue because it was too round and smooth. He said it could be a swollen lymph node or it could be a local recurrence...whatever it is he wants it out. He immediately went out and told Diane to get Dr. Kerlakian on the phone. She tried a couple times but he must have been in surgery. He said he wanted me to see him asap and have him decide if I needed a biopsy or just have it removed. I was really trying to hold it together while I was there and he was trying to be so supportive and optomistic that this would turn out to be nothing. Before I left he wanted to check it one more time...I started crying and because we were standing up again I couldn't help thinking about the tears dripping off my cheeks onto his hands. Kind of an odd thing to think about but it just seemed like I was watching a movie... I just couldn't believe this was happening...I really thought I would walk in there and he would tell me to stop worrying and that it was nothing....

By the time I got out to my car Diane called me on my cell and said that he had gotten me an appt with Dr. K in an hour. The two offices are close so I just went and sat in the parking lot until it was time for my appt. It just felt like everything was starting over again and the bad thing this time around is I know what is on the other side of a cancer diagnosis. My appt was at the same office where I saw the ob/gyn the first time I had my lump examined back in Sept 07. The appt with Dr. K was quick...he felt the lump, said he didn't like it and it needed to come out. To get quicker results he said we would do a core needle biopsy today. He numbed the area and then stuck the needle in to remove tissue samples. He said he had hoped to get fluid (I guess that would have made him think that it was not cancer for sure) but there was no fluid in the sample..just tissue. He said he would push for the results and that I should have them late tomorrow or Friday morning at the latest. He said once we have the results we will need to decide when I want to have another surgery to actually remove the entire lump...My entire right side was pretty sore so I decided to come home and take something and take a nap...I just wanted to stop thinking about all the "what ifs"...

Tonight has been ok...I don't want the kids to know anything is going on so I am just trying to keep busy and act like normal.

Please say a prayer for me....I just don't want to go through all of this again...

The holidays are over...back to work..

Ugh, I actually have to work 5 days this week? With the holiday breaks I have gotten used to those short work weeks...oh well, it won't be long and we will be heading down to Orlando for a family vaca!!

Not much new to report here. We spent New Year's at the Hulefeld's...it was a really fun evening. We played Outburst and Pictionary. Outburst was printed back in 1986 so the questions were really funny...our kids would have no clue what they were talking about...one of the questions was name 10 characters from Happy Days. Can you do that?? Beth and Penny and I only missed one....Al....the kids had fun playing together but Jillian was out before midnight...she did wake up for a little while to celebrate the new year but she was wore out. I think it will be good for ALL the kids to get back to school tomorrow and get back into a routine.

Last night I hosted PJ Bunco. Vicki co-hosted with me and helped out with most of the food...after playing a few of us sat around and chatted until after 2:30....needless to say, it's been a slow day around here!

This week I will see Dr. B. on Wednesday for my 3 month follow up...I am looking forward to getting this appt over with because I have this big lump close to the center of my chest that I need his opinion on. I am hoping it is just scar tissue or maybe just bone but I need to have him check it out...I guess there is just always something new to worry about.....

Happy New Year!

It's been a fun night...now I am thinking of those that fought this horrible battle and lost...too many young woman, some with children, some that had just gotten married. There are still those out there fighting with all they have left and I pray for them. I pray for their strength to keep fighting and the strength to make the decision that it is time to stop the battle and go in peace...This is a horrible disease that causes so much pain for the patient and all that love and support her..............