Sunday update...

Well, we have made it thru another round of chemo...I have really loaded up on the pain meds this weekend so I have slept most of the time. I plan to take one more dose tonight and then try to switch over to the Aleve tomorrow for the pain.

Thursday was a long day. We had a little snow that morning so our drive to Cheviot took longer than usual. Once we settled in the nurse came back and said my white blood cell count was too high...she asked if I felt bad or felt like I was getting sick and I said no but she decided I needed to see the doc before we could start. Dr. B. did a quick exam and said everything looked fine so we were finally able to get started. The day really does pass pretty quickly for me because so many of the meds make me sleepy. The last 2 times we have been there we have sat in one of the private rooms that has a curtain because Bret says I snore pretty loud and I don't want people sitting around making fun of my while I snore and drool all day. Bret's computer crapped out on him earlier in the week so he just sat beside me in a chair and did emails from his phone and read magazines. I told him he could leave and go out for a drive but he stays right by my side....oh yeah, and wakes me up when I snore too loud. Just think, since November he has sat there with me for over 26 hours....that is pretty amazing. A chemo treatment room is certainly not a happy place to have to sit for hours on end...I am very blessed to have a hubby that takes such good care of me. I guess this week I did give him a little extra entertainment when I started talking in my sleep about lottery tickets, and the chemo nurses and some crazy plan....

Our neighbors and friends came thru for us once again this weekend. Sue brought over a fantastic meal on Friday, Jillian had fun play dates Friday, Saturday and Sunday to keep her occupied and some of the neighborhood men helped Bret & Tyler install our new garage door. Bret is not the best at asking for help so I sent out an email on Friday....I have a lot of faith in Bret's abilities but installing a garage door does not seem like a one man job. It was great to hear that they got the door up and had plenty of help. I just cannot say thank you enough ----we are very blessed!!

Today is #7

I just finished popping my mega doses of steroids and can't get back to sleep....I am so glad that we are finally getting close to finishing chemo. It has been a good week. I have felt good at work and it seems like I made some really good progress on some projects that had been moving really slow lately. I even noticed that my mood did not get progressively worse each day as we approached chemo day like it normally does (I am sure everyone at work appreciated that for a change!) . Of course, I am really dreading the pain that comes with Taxol but I am going to really try to take the maximum dosage of the pain meds this time to try to stay ahead of the pain and see if that helps. I am also going to ask if I can take the Ativan (happy pill :) ) along with the pain meds so maybe I will sleep more. Tuesday night Sheryl took me out for a great dinner....we sat and gabbed for over three hours....it was wonderful to spend time with her and get to know each other better. Tonight I called to check on Emily and she answered the phone. She came home from the hospital today and sounded really good. I am thankful that they are home and can now focus on healing and finally get some rest!

I guess I haven't mentioned that my hair is starting to grow...I can finally see the stubble when I look in the mirror..I had read that this can happen sometimes on Taxol but there is also a chance that as soon as I finish treatment it could all come out again....that is probably why I haven't mentioned it....it kind of seems like a cruel joke, doesn't it? I have really just been telling myself to ignore it but now I really notice it when my head is on a pillow....Tyler was standing behind me this past weekend when I was on the computer and he started rubbing me head and noticed...he said, "wow, your hair is really starting to grow back here!" My eyebrows and eyelashes seem to be getting thinner every day which is a bummer but I have been expecting that to happen....of course, my arms are just as hairy as any man you look at....HOW UNFAIR IS THAT???

Well, I guess that is all my "steroid crazed" thoughts for now....I will check back in later....love to all!

A good weekend!

The Middleton's have had a good weekend. On Saturday morning Bret took Jillian to a b-day party and Tyler and I headed for the Flea Market to do some shopping. I decided that I wanted to try on some shorter wigs to get ready for short hair when my hair starts growing again. Tyler took off to shop for air guns....I was the only customer in the wig shop so it was fun to try on several styles. I finally decided on a new short one (Jillian calls it the Aunt Vicki wig..I guess the style reminds her of her Aunt Vicki). As I was getting ready to check out a young girl in her early 30s came in with her Mom. The girl wouldn't say much so the Mom explained that her daughter had just completed her second round of chemo and her hair had just fallen out so they wanted to check out the wigs. They looked at my wig and commented that her hair had been red like mine. I told her I was there to buy my 3rd wig and we talked a little about chemo, etc. Her Mom was looking around the shop and the first wig she pointed out was the longer wig that I have. I told them that I have the wig and that I get lots of compliments on it. As they moved back to the mirrors to try on the wig I went back to wish her luck. When she turned around her eyes were filled with tears and she was trying not to cry. I gave her a big hug and wished her well. As I walked out of the store my heart was breaking for her. All of the memories of losing my hair came flooding back....I knew exactly what she was feeling at that moment. Later as Tyler and I were getting ready to leave we ran into this girl and her Mom. They had bought the same wig that I have....when I walked up the them she had the most beautiful smile on her face and the wig looked so nice on her. I went up and gave her another big hug and told her how great she looked. I gave her information about the online support group that I belong to and told her that there are so many women out there that are going thru the exact same things that we are experiencing and they understand all the feelings that we have during this journey.....I was so glad that I ran into her before we left. It was so nice to be able to reach out to someone in person that is dealing with this horrible disease and maybe make her day a little brighter. (BTW, my new wig is the top pic over on the left)


Late Saturday evening Tyler and I headed out again to do some grocery shopping. After that we stopped at Border's...little did we know that the coffee shop in there is the Mason hot spot on a Saturday evening. We enjoyed some yummy hot chocolate. It was so nice just to sit with him and talk, we stayed until almost 11:00! Speaking of Tyler, we were so thrilled to get his semester report card yesterday and see that he got straight A's!!! I have been so worried about how this cancer crap would affect the kids so this was such a relief to see that he is doing so well in school.

Today I met some friends at the mall to see the movie 27 Dresses...it's a great chick flick! After the movie I even ventured out into the mall to do some shopping...I have not shopped at the mall for months! I was able to walk around for quite a while before my ankles started aching but it was fun while it lasted!

Thanks again for your prayers for Emily. She is doing pretty good and hopefully will go home soon. I will be glad for them to get home so they can all get some rest...we all know that you don't get any rest in the hospital! It will be a long recovery but Emily is lucky to have two awesome parents that will move mountains for this special young lady!!!

I hope everyone has a good week - stay warm!

Thursday update

Thanks for your prayers for Emily....she finally came out of surgery around 8 last night. I was told that the surgeon was very pleased with how everything went and how much they were able to move her spine. She was put in ICU for the night so that they could monitor her very closely but Kay was able to see her for a few minutes and said she was talking and doing okay for someone that had been in surgery since noon. I am so thankful that everything went well and now I hope that the recovery is not too painful for her. She's such a tough kid! I continue to pray for strength and peace for Vicki and Todd....times like this are so hard for them and I know that they get no rest staying at the hospital around the clock. I am hoping that they will get to come home from the hospital early next week so they can all rest and recover.

I am doing fine today. The bone crushing pain in my lower legs and feet is more like a constant ache today. The cramps have finally stopped and the "crazy" rash has still not returned (YEAH!!!)...I am almost afraid to write that for fear that it will just pop back out again!!! I have continued to take benadryl every night, I am not sure if that is why it hasn't returned but I am just enjoying some time without it!

Prayer Request for Wednesday..

Today (Wednesday) I want to ask for a favor...my niece Emily is having surgery to correct her spine today. They will insert a metal rod and move her spine to the correct position and connect it to the rod. Emily is only 12 and she has been thru so many tough surgeries (brain, hips, back) in her lifetime. It is hard on all of them when she has to go thru something like this. If you can take a minute to pray for a quick recovery for Emily, peace and strength for her parents, Vicki and Todd, and pray that doctors and nurses give her the very best care that they can I would really appreciate it....



We can all learn lessons from kids like Emily. A few of you have had the chance to meet her over the years.... her spirit is so beautiful. Even though she is in a wheelchair and can't always do what other kids can do she seems to see things differently than the rest of us....it's kind of like she always looking at the world thru "rose colored glasses". If you see her first thing in the morning and you look like crap she might say "you look beautiful today" or "you are my favorite aunt" or she may just look at you and say "I love you"....on top of being so very sweet she also has the greatest sense of humor....we were all having dinner together over Christmas and she was sitting across from Bret just kind of staring at him...someone asked her a question and she didn't respond...when they finally got her attention she said " sorry, I am just so fascinated by Uncle Bret", we all cracked up and of course Bret loved the compliment! Maybe we should all try to put on our "rose colored glasses" a little more often and see how nice things can look in the world around us.....

This pain SUCKS!

I tried to go back to work today but gave up after lunch. The bone pain just won't go away...I don't want to take anymore of the pain meds so I am trying to control it with tylenol. My ovaries are still putting up a fight...they obviously don't want early retirement so I am still cramping non stop. I am just tired of this...tired of being tired, tired of feeling bad. CANCER SUCKS!

On a happier note, Happy Birthday to my Big Sis Kay!! Yes, she is older...this past summer any time we were together people started asking if we were twins...by the time I get done with this cancer crap they will probably ask if I am her Mom! Yikes - anyway - have a great day Kay - love you!

Sunday update...

Moving "chemo day" to Friday has had me confused all weekend....I keep thinking I should be feeling better by now because I keep forgetting that we did chemo a day later this time. I have taken lots of pain pills this weekend and that has helped with the bone pain in my lower body. The Lupron shot is defintely messing with my hormones....this evening I have had several waves of hot flashes. Most of the pain tonight is from the Neulasta shot...all my skin from my chin down to my chest just feels really sore, kind of like it is all bruised....I have had this pain each time after the shot but for some reason it seems a little worse this time around. Oh well, should start feeling better tomorrow...

Friday chemo update...

Everything went just fine with chemo today. Dr. B is not in on Friday so the nurse said the note on my chart said that the MUGA results were reviewed and I should receive Herceptin. I will just assume that means everything is fine with my heart after the AC chemo. We were in treatment from 9 - 2 but I napped thru most of it. Bret did some office work and had to be on "snore" patrol again....I tell him to wake me up if I start snoring too loud. After taking all the steroids last night I only had a couple hours of sleep so once they get all the meds in me I am ready to sleep. I just woke up from another nap now and I feel fine. I got the Lupron shot and a new script to help with the bone pain so I am hoping that things won't be too rough this weekend...the good thing is that it should only last a few days and then I will feel good again.

Bret made it home from Orlando and he was very tired but he had a great trip. On his last night there Grainger had the Magic Kingdom open for just Grainger and their guests so Bret was invited as a vendor. They gave them a bus tour first so they were able to see a lot of behind the scenes places that most of us will never see. Once inside the park they were able to eat at several restaurants, there were several DJ's set up and open bars set up in many areas. They had all the rides open just for them and the characters were even out visiting with all the employees from Grainger and their guests...he said it was an unbelievable experience. I am glad he had a nice time and a few days away. My friend Heather took Jillian and I to see HS Musical on Ice last night with her daughter Amanda. The girls loved the show!! I really appreciate her getting the tickets for us. Cathy Fears delivered a yummy dinner for all of us tonight - we really appreciate the meals and the overwhelming generosity of our friends and neighbors. Bret and the kids will go over to watch the Packers game tomorrow with our big Packer Fan neighbors (The Hulefelds). Penny is from the frozen north so she loves to watch the games. It will be a fun afternoon for all of them! I hope everyone has a good weekend...I will send out a new update once I get thru whatever this treatment has to offer this time around!!

Countdown to #6!

It has been a busy week! Bret has been at a tradeshow down in Orlando since Sunday. I was happy for him to have a chance to get away for a few days - it looks like the weather has been great down there so hopefully he has had some time to relax when he didn't have to work.

I heard back from the nurse that I will not have to do an extra Taxol treatment so that was good news. As long as my heart function is okay we will start the Herceptin on Friday and I will continue that medicine once every three weeks for the next 12 months. On Friday I will get a Lupron injection. This will shut my ovaries down and hopefully prevent the horrible cramps from returning. They are working with the insurance to get approval for me to have a genetic test done to see if I carry the breast cancer gene. This will help in my decision about having a hysterectomy and it is also important for Jillian to know in the future. My rash is doing good today....just in time for it to flare back up early next week - YEAH!! My latest "minor" worry is that I am going to lose the nail on my big toe...I had read that "nail issues" were a problem with Taxol so that is why I have been using the Tea Tree oil on them every day. Early last week I noticed that my toenail hurt and now it is getting darker and darker every day and it is very sore...oh, the joys of chemo!!! Oh, I almost forgot that acne is another issue with Taxol and sure enough I walked in the bathroom at work today and looked in the mirror and right there on my chin was a great big zit...add that to my dry, flaky skin and bald head...what's left??? I guess these mega doses of steroids could kick in and swell me up so I look like I have a pumpkin head - Wow - will I be georgeous or what!!!!Oh well...a sense of humor does a body good, right???

Thankful for the good days!

This is the last day of my vacation....I can't say that I am looking forward to going back to work but it will be good to catch up with friends that I haven't seen for a couple weeks. I made the best of my time off...I did some shopping close to home and took time to rest whenever I felt like it. The stupid rash is still thriving but I have just learned to accept it and hope that it will only be driving me nuts for another month! I finally heard from Dr. B.'s office about why I did not get Herceptin with my first Taxol treatment. I have to have another MUGA (heart function test) before I can have the Herceptin. The AC that I just finished and the Herceptin can cause heart damage so they need to see if the AC damaged my heart b4 I can have the Herceptin. The nurse should have set up this test in late December but it was missed so now I will go Thursday morning for the test and they should get the results in while I am getting Taxol on Friday morning. I forgot to ask the nurse if I will have to have an extra Taxol/Herceptin at the end of chemo because the first one messed up so I will find that out on Friday....hopefully that won't be the case! I am still hanging on to the plan of only 3 more chemo treatments, Herceptin treatments every 3 weeks for one year and surgery in March.

This weekend has been a great one! On Friday night I co-hosted a baby shower with Kathleen, it was for our dear friend Heather who is due in February. The shower was at Kathleen's house. It was so much fun to work on decorations, games and favors this week...you all know how much I love a party, especially a party with a theme! We had a great turnout and Heather got so many wonderful gifts for baby Addison. Last night, my friend Vicki and I co-hosted Bunko at my house. We did a PJ Bunko theme so all the gals showed up in their jammies. This was my first time to play Bunko since October and it was so much fun. I have REALLY missed spending time with this fabulous, crazy group of women. Vicki did most of the food and Bret took care of setting up the tables and chairs so it wasn't a lot of work for me. I spent my time decorating the screen porch (it has windows now) in a "winter/snowman" theme so we could all sit down and enjoy our food out there before we started playing. I have included a pic of the Strawberry Hill Bunko Babes decked out in our PJs! Talk about some Hot Mammas!!

Looking back at these past two days I don't think I have felt this happy in a long time. In September and October I was overwhelmed with just trying to cope with the fact that I have cancer and then in November and December I was trying to deal with all the side effects of chemo and the crazy stress that comes with the holidays. This week I was able to work on these parties at my own pace and I felt like I finally proving to myself that cancer cannot take things away from me that I really love and I love entertaining!!! Is there a silver lining to cancer??? I guess I would say that cancer has definetely taught me to have a greater appreciation for the every day gifts that life offers. I am so thankful for the great times spent with my wonderful friends this weekend and that I felt good enough to plan and host these parties...I WILL CHERISH THESE MEMORIES FOREVER!!

Happy New Year!

I hope that everyone had a great New Year's...we had a quiet evening at home and I think we all slept thru the ringing in of the new year....

My pain from the last treatment has gone away. On Monday it was much more tolerable...most of the time it was just random quick shots of pain going from my hips, to my knees, to my toes. I have have had very little of the numbness in my fingers and toes that normally goes along with the Taxol so I am thankful for that. The crazy rash has returned worse than ever. As of this morning I am broke out all over my arms, shoulders, chest and legs. I plan to call Dr. B. today to see if he has any new ideas of something to get this under control. It is not really itchy but they are more like open sores that burn so anything that I wear really irritates it.

The kids finally return to school today - Thank God!~ It is obvious by Jillian's temperament these last few days that she is a child that definitely needs a routine...she has been quite unpleasant!!! We got a couple inches of snow last night so school is on a 2 hour delay but thank goodness daycare should still be open! I am taking the rest of the week off for vacation....I have not taken any vacation days since July so I have really been looking forward to these days. I had big plans in my mind that I was going to go to the outlet mall one day and maybe even go over to one of the casino's in Indiana but I realize now that I won't be doing that. My energy level is just way too low for things like that right now. I find that I get up in the morning and feel really good but as soon as I get out and start running around a wave of fatigue washes over me and wipes me out in no time. It's hard to accept that this is the way things are for a while but I just keep focusing on the fact that chemo will be over in a month and I can start getting stronger after that.....for now I just have to listen to my body and take it easy even if my brain still wants to run and be busy.

Did you make a New Year's Resolution this year? I don't normally make them because I never keep them but I did decide that one of my "goals" for the new year is to stop worrying so much about the future and cancer and try to focus more on enjoying each day and appreciate the gift that each day truly is....

I want to thank all of you again for reading my blog....I love getting messages from you so keep checking in!! Your never ending support for our family is unbelievable and greatly appreciated!

I hope that 2008 is a great year for everyone full of love, health, friendship and happiness! Love - Jan