Finally an update...

It has certainly been a long time since I have updated this blog but I am hoping I am keeping up with most of you on FaceBook, in person or at least by email….you all know how much I hate talking on the phone so we won’t add that one to the list.

So, what is the latest on us…..where do I start??

The kids are both doing just fine. Tyler is doing fine with his sophomore year at Kings High School. He is still addicted to video games but seems to be enjoying school a little more. He is expressing more of an interest in computers. He really likes his computer class this year and feels like this is something he would like to study in college….that is much better than he previous plan which was to work at Gamestop!!

Jillian is busy as usual. She just finished her football cheer season. After school she does some fun things like jazz dancing, art lessons, etc. We are fortunate to have some really great enrichment programs that are available to our students at Kings. Last month she started taking tumbling lessons at Champion Elite in Landen. She absolutely loves every minute there. She is tumbling, singing or dancing every free moment of her day…..I really believe this child is destined to be on stage.

They are both growing up so fast, too fast. Do you ever wish you could ask for a “do-over” in life? I do…I know I shouldn’t but my biggest regret is not being home for my kids during these years. I hate that I have missed school parties or just going in to have lunch with them. I am sure being a stay at home mom has it’s own set of challenges every day but I will always feel guilty that I couldn’t give them that…even if it was one or two days a week. I have never had any flexibility with work and that sucks…oh well, enough on that depressing topic!

Nothing new with Bret….his territory at work has been expanded so he is always busy….better than the alternative!

Health wise all is well with me. I finally had my back checked out when it got to the point that the pain was unbearable. The MRI showed that I have one ruptured disc and one bulging disc…I was able to get the pain under control with ibuprofen, heat and ice and it just seemed to get better. I have also gotten completely lazy….I tell myself I am protecting my back….I can certainly tell that lifting things messes it up quickly and I pay for that for a few days. My primary care doc wants me to see a pain management and rehabilitation specialist….I had never heard of this but I am going in a few weeks to see what they have in mind.

The last few months were super busy with fundraising for Team Ta-Tas and Susan G. Komen. We had an unbelievable year. We have a team blog so you can check that out if you want to know what is going on.

http://teamtatas.wordpress.com/

I love working on our different events and I have to say our board of directors (Maria, Beth, Vicki, Shauna and myself) have really got something great going. I am so thankful to everyone that gives so much of their time and effort to fight this disease. This is certainly “my passion” in life….at the end of the day it feels good to know that you have done something to help others – to me it gives life purpose. This year we had the kids get more involved with our events and I love that we are teaching them to become responsible, contributing members of their community. Check out our blog for pictures and the latest news.

It’s time for craft shows which is one of my favorite times of the year! I can’t wait to get out there and see what is new this year. I am still “playing around” with making jewelry and starting a little business for Jillian. I haven’t spent much time on it but will probably try some new things over the winter months. Most of what I have worked on is Kings Knights stuff that people in our area might be interested in. Jillian hasn’t shown a great deal of interest besides the fact that our business name is “Jillian’s Jewels” and she wants everyone to know that is her. They are having an open house at her school in early December so we plan to make up some items and try to sell them that night. We give a portion of everything we sell back to Susan G. Komen for the Cure so it is another good lesson for her.

In other family news my nephew, Eric, is now in basic training for the Marines at Parris Island. Please say a little prayer for him and everyone that misses him so much during this time. He and Leslie will be getting married in January. Jillian is the flower girl and she is very excited. This will be her first wedding. Tyler was the ring bearer when Bart got married. He was only 3 and I can remember being a nervous wreck about what he would do. As soon as he got up front he turned around and wanted to carry on a conversation with me as I was sitting in the pews. Luckily, I had brought along Kristen to babysit so we quickly removed him from the stage and sent him to the playroom…his moment on the stage was short lived to say the least. I can’t wait to see how Jillian does with everything!

We learned today that our dear Uncle Mac passed away this weekend after his long battle with cancer. He may only have been my uncle by marriage but I am so thankful that he was a part of my life. Uncle Mac was one of the sweetest, kindest men I have ever met. He was always optimistic and just had a great outlook on life. He spent his last years married to Claudine and it was always so nice to see them together....they shared such a special love. I will never forget when they first started dating...they were probably both in their 70s. Uncle Mac told me that he was going to see Claudine and he heard that she loved sour cream and onion chips. He had gone to the store to buy some for her....how darn sweet is that? What a blessing he was to so many - RIP Uncle Mac- you were loved so very much...

It’s hard to imagine that we are close to the end of 2010. I am thankful for another year of good health. Things will get hectic these next two months with all the hoopla surrounding the holidays….I hope we can all stay focused on the true meaning of both of these holidays!


I promise not to wait so long before another update but luckily I am just out living life with not much to report these days….that’s a great thing!!! Thanks for checking in!

Check up time...

Well, it's time for another 6 month check up with Dr. B. and I guess this will kind of be my 3 year check up since I won't be back to see him until after my 3 yr mark in September.

Topics of discussion will be trying out a new drug for the hot flashes....they are bad, really bad. My gynocologist suggested I try this new med but I want Dr. B. to ok it before I try it. I will also be talking to him about the back pain I have been having. It's been on and off for a few months...some days much worse than others. I tell myself it's just back pain but breast cancer very often spreads into the bones so it's just something I need to talk to him about so I can quit thinking about it every time it hurts. That's the thing that sucks about cancer...no matter how far out you are from treatment you can't help but think cancer when you have a new ache or pain.

Team Ta-Tas has been busy getting ready for the walk coming up in September. I lost a close friend a few weeks ago to this horrible disease. Her name was Lisa and she died a few weeks after her 39th birthday. She fought the disease for years and had one goal....to beat the disease and have a huge 40th birthday party. No one should have to set goals like that....that is why we need a cure.....I don't want to lose any more friends to this disease. If you want to join our team or make a donation please see the address below, you can copy and paste theis into your browser and it will take you to my page.

http://www.komencincinnati.org/site/TR/Race/General?px=1152862&pg=personal&fr_id=1040&et=VbhARnVtoFD7h-e-E7jyDQ..&s_tafId=9181

The kids are having a good summer. Jillian got her ears pierced today....she is so proud of herself for doing it. Right before she fell asleep tonight she said " I can't believe I got my ears pierced...I hope I don't wake up and find out that it was just a dream".....I love that innocence...we don't get to see it a lot these days but I love it when we do.

Thanks for checking in! I will do another update soon!

Welcome spring!

Nothing new going on with us which to me is a good thing! My biggest health issues these days are my hot flashes….they are really bad and don’t seem to be getting any better. At times it can be embarrassing but I just try to joke about it…there really isn’t anything I can do but I did buy a fancy fan to carry with me this summer!



I have starting working on plans for the Komen walk in September and Bunco for Boobies in October. I really want us to have the largest team this year and would love to see us raise more money. We had over 70 team members last year so if I could just get every person to raise at least $100 we would be off to a great start. We have our planning committee for Bunco for Boobies back in action. I really appreciate the time that these ladies are willing give to make this event bigger and better this year. We are moving to a new location since we outgrew our clubhouse after the first year. Stay tuned because it won’t be long before I start begging you to sign up for the walk, donate, play bunco or do something to help us support the cause! Team Ta-Tas will be #1 this year!!!



The kids are busy with Spring sports. Tyler is trying out track this year. He is focusing on the throwing events and seems to be best at the hammer….I didn’t even know there was such an event….he has learned a lot this season and he seems to enjoy it.



Jillian is playing her first season of softball (t-ball). She just finished tumbling, jazz, tap and karate. I think this sport may be a little slow for her at this time – you know her, she wants to be moving all the time!!! She is a lefty so I don’t know if I will be much help to her. I played softball for many years so it’s nice to have her participate in a sport that I know something about.



As the school year winds down we are looking forward to summer and the pool opening. It’s a great way to stay connected with everyone in the neighborhood.



We have taken a few trips this spring. Over Easter we went to Hocking Hills and did some hiking….yes, I did say hiking!! We all survived but I have to admit we were in bed pretty early. In April I went on my wonderful girls trip to Florida and had a fantastic time as usual. This past weekend we dropped the kids with my Mom and Dad and went to Put-in-Bay for the weekend with some friends…I think that is the first time Bret and I have been away together since Jillian was born….that was long overdue! On Sunday we were able to have lunch with my family before heading back to Cincinnati . That was a great way to spend Mother’s Day.



I have attached some pics for those of you that are not on Facebook. Sorry I don’t write as often but I have to confess that I am a total Facebook addict!!



Thanks for checking in!

Another great conference.....

Is it Spring yet??? What a crazy February we had here in Cincinnati! We set the record for the most snow ever!!! It really did snow every day for weeks. At first it was fun and the kids were all out playing and loving the snow days….I even had a few snow days from work which I LOVED!!! A few weeks later I think we are all “over it”….let’s hope March is a little easier and that warmer days will be here soon.

I had a follow up with my plastic surgeon last week. She has given me the “all ok” to start exercising again. I have been going to the gym for a few weeks now but only doing treadmill, bike and some leg machines….I have been dying to start using all the arm machines so hopefully I can hit it hard now and get rid of some of this extra menopause flab that has been added to my upper body!

This past weekend I attended the 10th Annual Young Survivors Conference in Atlanta. I don’t think Atlanta has ever seen that much silicone in one place!! We had over 700 attendees. It was so great to meet up with friends that I met last year and to meet new friends. In the art therapy session I met two young girls in their 20s..it was obvious by their appearance that they both had recently completed treatment. They told me that they met each other at their local Race for the Cure….both very pregnant and undergoing chemotherapy. They became very close and delivered 2 healthy babies just three days apart! Those are the good stories you love to hear but it also is sad to think of women so very young fighting this disease every day. The conference does a great job of offering a variety of workshops to meet the needs of women that are newly diagnosed and those that are survivors just trying to get back some sense of normalcy in their lives. Most of the sessions I attended were dealing with long term side affects of treatments, emotional issues such as fear of recurrence, updates on the prevention of recurrence, etc. We had a session with Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman Shultz of Florida…..she is incredible. She is a young breast cancer survivor and is now heavily involved in what is called the EARLY Act and overall healthcare reform in our country. She is so energetic and passionate about her work. We all felt very fortunate that she was willing to attend the conference and speak with us…one other thing – if she were to ever run for president I can tell you where the female vote would certainly go!!!!

It really is a fascinating thing how you can walk into a conference and instantly feel a sense of calm and acceptance. These conferences offer so much more than just the sessions and workshops. This is where we come together and go from stranger to friend with just a smile or a hug. This is where you know that you are surrounded by people that really understand the journey you are on. They understand the good days and bad days because they too have been there. Last year I described it as a life changing event and I heard several other first-timers express that same sentiment this year.

At the conference we also have an expo area. There are all types of booths from local cancer centers to people that sell “anything pink” and so many non profits that support breast cancer causes. I spent a lot of my free time speaking with the different non profits and really find it inspiring to see how many people are working so hard to raise funds for this cause and they give so much of themselves every day to do that. It makes me wish I was more of a risk-taker and could find someway to give back like that. One of the women from my online support group started a foundation that offers financial assistance to young women during treatment. She helps with bills, house cleaning or anything that is needed. It was so awesome to walk in there and see her booth and see the pride on her face. She also let all of us bring in scarves, wigs or hats that we no longer needed. She had these items displayed so anyone newly diagnosed could take anything they might like and need. As I was working my way back to her booth I met a young woman that is currently going thru treatment. We talked for a few minutes and then I asked if she wanted to look thru my items before I donated them. She picked out one of my favorite scarves and put it on…she looked so pretty and I was just such a great feeling to see her smile. I also had a great conversation with a woman that does free cosmetic tattoos for survivors. She has perfected the art of creating a 3-D nipple tattoo and her work is incredible. The only problem is that she is in Ft. Lauderdale and it takes 2 sessions to complete the tattoo…..I guess there are worse places in the world to be “forced” to visit if I decide to go this route!!!! She was such a nice person…she has her own salon and has been doing permanent make up for years. Now that she is doing more and more work with breast cancer survivors she is even thinking of creating a non profit organization so that she can work with more women….


My favorite moment from the entire weekend happened at the dessert and dancing social on Saturday night….we thought that named sounded boring so we called it the Pink Tassel Lounge!! They had a DJ there and everyone was having fun dancing. They played the song “I will survive” and the dance floor was packed with several hundred young survivors. We were all dancing and singing the words with our arms in the air….halfway thru the song I just looked around and had to hold back the tears….it was an incredible moment and one I will never forget. There are many sad moments during the conference as we remember the young women we have lost over the past year but for just a few minutes it was like time was standing still, all the worries and pain were forgotten and we were all living in that moment and celebrating our bond, the connection that brought us together, and the amazing gift of being a survivor.

Once that event was over a group of us went to the Metro Café. It’s a karaoke club…luckily, not too many were doing karaoke so we did a lot of dancing. Not long after we got there a young blind man got up and did a song….he was amazing. I went over later and introduced myself and told him about our group being there and how much we enjoyed his song. He asked me if any of us were looking for a “blind date” and told me about his mom being a cancer survivor. He was so upbeat and friendly, and obviously had a great sense of humor. He sang another song later and dedicated it to all of the survivors there that night….once again I felt fortunate to meet someone so upbeat and positive even though he faces a very tough obstacle in his life each and every day. We danced until the club closed at 3 and then went upstairs to their 24 hour café for breakfast. Great concept, huh?? We finally made it back to the hotel and into bed around 5 am….needless to say Sunday was a long day…..my body was sore from all the dancing, my voice was almost gone from all the talking and singing but my heart was full from a weekend of wonderful experiences.


Another perk of the weekend was going down a day early to stay with Annie and Tim. They were moving into their newly renovated home the same day so things were hectic but I loved spending time playing with Izzie and Ben and helping out a little with the unpacking. Their house is awesome. They had an entire second story added and many updates to the original main floor area…I am so happy for them! Linda came over that evening and the three of us went out for a great dinner….I miss our friends in Georgia and cherish any amount of time I get to spend with them…

Well, I think that’s enough for now….it’s back to reality. I have been forced back out of the little cocoon that I was able to escape to for just a few days…..time to put the boxing gloves back on and jump back into the world of stress and negativity….

Back to work..

So, it's back to work tomorrow...I am feeling fine and it's time.

Last week I saw the plastic surgeon on Monday. She said everything looked fine and I should come back in a month. We had a very long conversation about the next step. She strongly prefers to create a nipple and areola surgically. I talked to her about just doing a tattoo to make it look like a nipple and areola but she won't do it. I told her that I have seen photos of tattoos but she isn't going to budge. I did some research and found another doctor in the area that will do it. I talked to the nurse and she said I would need to come in so they can evaluate the scars to see if they will accept the tattoo. I am not in any rush so I told them I will call back later...

I also had an appt. with Dr. B. My blood work and exam all looked good so now I graduate to 6 month appts vs. 3 months. It's great to get to this milestone..two years ago this date seemed so far off. When you're first diagnosed you just live in the moment and the fear of not beating this horrible disease controls everything you do. You try so hard to not let the disease control your life but that is such a hard thing to do....the fear is always there. Over time it gets easier and today it's great that I don't think about it all the time!!!!

Well, I am not really in the mood to write so I think I will just sign off for now.....as always, thanks so much for checking in!!!!!

Sunday update..

Not much new here with the Middleton's. Bret is down in Florida until Thursday for the annual Grainger show. I had a great plan that Tyler was going to be cooking dinner for us each night...I would give him instructions and he would do the work...he was THRILLED with that plan...NOT! Well, my wonderful neighbors had a different plan...they are cooking for us each night that Bret is gone. They are just too good to us, they have taken care of us so many times and we can never say thank you enough. We are very blessed!!!

I have gotten out a little the last few days. The worst part is my back starts hurting...it's kind of weird how I have always had back pain with all the procedures..even the the fills I had with the expanders hurt the most in my back which makes no sense at all. The pain on the right foob is still there...it's not constant but when it hits I can't move. It's happening less frequently so I just hope that it happens less and less as the days go by.

With the earthquake in Haiti I find myself addicted to the news. It is just such a horrible tragedy. I saw an interview with a missionary that was talking about rebuilding Haiti and describing the spirit of the Haitian people. He said they accept that their lives will mostly be filled with poverty...that has really impacted me for some reason. Can you imagine if that was the only expectation that you had in life. I talked with the kids about it over dinner last night. I was telling them about the baby that survived for three days and was just fine....I told them about children that were dancing and playing while living in tents. We have so much and live such good lives and we all need to be thankful for what we have. I worry so much about the children in Haiti, they make up a significant portion of the population there and so many are now lost and wandering on their own. It's so scary to think about all the prisoners from the prison out doing whatever they want...this is a country that has a history of selling their children into slavery for labor and also for sex. There are so many people all over that want to give these children safe, loving homes but right now there seems to be no way to get those kids out of there. I wish for once there was a way to get around laws, beauocracy and governments and give these kids a fair chance at life. I guess all we can do is pray, remember to be thankful for all that we have and send money....

Thanks for checking in...

Just another bad hair day....

Have to start off with this...Bret looks at me this morning and asks me if I want help with my hair....ok, I was having a bad hair day but how bad is it when a guy that barely has any hair thinks you are having a bad hair day. Needless to say I took care of it myself...did you know you can fix your hair only moving your forearms. I am frustrated daily by how hard it is to accomplish the most basic tasks in life AND not use my arms...UGH!!!!!!

We went to the surgeon today and of course I was thrilled to pitch that stupid surgical bra in the trash. She was pleased with how things look. They are definetely closer together and higher. She was able to remove some skin from the bottom of each side. Honestly, I think bottom of my new foobs are going to look fabulous...too bad no one ever sees that side!! The scarred, dented area in the middle is better...I would be content if they would stay like this. I asked her if there was swelling and she did not think there was much if any. I asked this because after the last surgery I thought the center looked much better until the swelling went down....now we just have to wait and see. The other thing that is really bizarre is that my right foob gurgles....I have had a lot of odd things happen to my body on this journey but this one is odd.....I worried that there was a big air pocket in there but she said there is still some fluid that the body will absorb and I am hearing that fluid moving with the implant when I move.

I was wiped out when we got home....took a little nap and then took a long hot shower....my first "real one" since last Wednesday morning.....it felt wonderful!

The plan right now is to wear an underwire bra 24 hours a day....I go back to the surgeon in 2 weeks. Sticking an underwire into these incisions really sucks..enough said.

Thanks for checking in!

Sunday update...

Still moving pretty slow around here. I am feeling ok just having some really bad pain around the right side incision. There are times it just takes my breath away and I just cannot get comfortable. I will see the surgeon tomorrow and should be able to move from the surgical bra to an underwire bra.

I haven't been out of the house since surgery....I am fine with just hibernating. Bret went out and picked up Bob Evans for breakfast for all of us. Today is the first time I have wanted to eat...I love their Banana Pecan Pancakes!!

Friends have been helping out and keeping Jillian busy...we really appreciate that. She and Bret went sled riding yesterday....she tells me she and Bret raced Joe and Jessica. She said the girls rode down on their Dads backs....wouldn't you love to see a video of that ride down the hill????

Thanks for checking in and stay warm!

Recovery is going well...

Well, even though I still have some pain I am done with the heavy duty meds...can't stand the way they make me feel...my head is messed up, I am itchy and I was up most of last night not able to sleep. I am switching over to ibuprofen.

I am being very well taken care of. The kids had a snow day today so Jillian would come up to my room and read the "menu" to me. She would circle the items I wanted and then she and Bret would prepare the meal. I might just get used to that type of treatment. It snowed most of the day...I think we ended up with maybe 3 inches of snow. Kathleen let Jillian go sled riding with them and she had a great time.

It's so hard to not use my arms....things you never think of..reaching for something in the closet, turning the fan on and off, etc.

Thanks to everyone for the messages and offers to help....we are thankful to be surrounded by so many great friends and family!!!

Home and resting..

I am home and doing fine...forgive me if thoughts are a little random here....it's the drugs.

My surgery got moved up at the last minute yesterday so we were at the hospital by 6:00 this morning. Nurse was able to get IV in on first try...good way to start the day. I was thrilled to have Beth (Carissa's friend) doing my anesthesia again...she is so sweet and funny and takes WONDERFUL care of me. Nurses were great. Surgery lasted about 1 1/2 hrs. Thankfully I don't remember much about recovery except saying I feel a little sick and that my lips were so dry.....no Elvis or other wacky characters were present in OR recovery. I had a really hard time waking up....I can remember the nurse commenting on that....got back in the room and took another nap and then it was time to pack up and hit the bumpy road home...ouch!! Bret does try but there is only so much you can do when driving in the city! I have beeen asleep all afternoon. The torture vest is still a torture vest....I swear doc puts me in a size 2...have you seen me???? Nothing on me has ever been a size 2! I will go back to see her early next week and will be able to switch to an underwire bra. I am pretty sore so I will take another pill soon and slip back into la-la land. Bret and Tyler are taking very good care of me....haven't seen Jillian yet, she is at tumbling with Bret and should be home soon.

Thanks for checking in and thanks for all the messages today of well wishes!! Surgery #10 is HISTORY! YEAH!

New Foobs for the New Year....

Happy New Year! I hope everyone had a good holiday. We had a very nice one but I am glad to see the end of December and the start of a new year. It’s like we try to take 12 months of activities and pack them into the month of December…way too much stress for me….you know my motto, “NO DRAMA”!! Going to try to keep living that in 2010 also. We were able to get with both of our families during the month so it was great to spend time with everyone. The kids both seemed happy with their gifts so I guess for this year we can just say “mission accomplished”.



So have you made any New Years Resolutions? I try hard NOT to do that each year and that strategy works out pretty good for me….low expectations! I heard Dr. Oz on the radio today talking about weight loss. He said one of the easiest things to do is stop eating anything white…white bread, anything with white sugar, white flour…I will just stop right there because those few things probably make up 98% of my diet. Guess I won’t be trying that diet plan any time soon. Bret has started exercising and trying to eat better so I am hoping that once I get this surgery behind me I can get motivated to try to get into shape and eat better. If I don’t start something soon I am going to have to invest in a new wardrobe because nothing is going to fit…gotta love the perks of menopause!!!



I am as ready as I can be for surgery on Wednesday morning. I am scheduled for 10:30. I didn’t even ask how long it would be…I guess it depends on how much she thinks she can do once she gets everything opened back up. Bret will put an update on here once I am done. I am not really nervous about surgery. What I am dreading the most is wearing that HORRIBLE surgical bra. It really is torture but I have to wear it for a week or ten days so everything stays where it is supposed to be during healing. The most important thing once I am at home is not using my arms too much. I can look back at my last surgery and see things that I did that I shouldn't have done. Now I know the ramifications of doing those things so I am really determined to use my arms as little as possible and definitely not do anything that isn’t absolutely necessary. I can remember stretching really far to get something a few weeks after my last surgery. I would swear I heard a stitch or stitches pop and felt pain shoot across my chest. Once you start to feel better it’s easy to forget and just go back to doing things you normally would do but when you think about how moving your upper arms really does involve your chest muscles it’s easier to understand why it is important to give that area as much time as possible to heal internally as possible. Since this is my 9th surgical procedure at Good Sam Hospital I am being very optimistic that we won’t have any nausea problems with anesthesia. Carissa has even got me hooked up with the best anesthesia team so I am very happy about that. Let’s just hope that I don’t end up laying next to “Elvis” again in the recovery room as he repeatedly asks why he is having pain after his surgery…that once in a lifetime experience was plenty for this gal!!!



Thanks for the prayers that all will go well…I will try to do an update when “the fog clears”!!!