Surgery #10 is set - January 6th

I have scheduled my revision surgery. It will be in the morning on January 6th. I have met with the plastic surgeon and she has some ideas of things she wants to try to make the dent go away and to try to move both side in towards the center. It’s going to involve a lot of internal stitching and recovery time. I think of it kind of like gutting a fish (not that I have ever done that) but she will basically open both sides, take everything out, try to create new pockets and then put the “stuffing” back in. We are adding 100 CCs to the new implants which really makes very little difference but we are just hoping to get as much fullness in the “crater” as possible.



I will be home recovering the month of January. It is very important that I do as little as possible with my arms. I knew this the last time around but I know I did things that I was not supposed to do…that is how you bust internal stitching….lesson learned!!! I no longer have a lap top so I guess it will be me and the iPhone just hanging out at home during January…sounds like a lot of fun, huh?



I am ready to get this over with and even if we are not successful I will go ahead and finish up after this surgery. Still need to decide about surgery for nipples (which my surgeon recommends) or if I just want to try to find someone that can do 3D tattoos. Plenty of time to worry about that later…Anyway, it’s been too long that I have let myself kind of stay in limbo with this reconstruction and I want to put it behind me once and for all. I had someone ask me if I still think or worry about cancer everyday. I would say most days it crosses my mind but I don’t spend near as much time worrying about it. I think that having such a difficult work situation occupies most of my thoughts. So I don’t spend all my time worrying about cancer but I am certainly not living a carefree, happy live (does anyone??). If stress can kill you my days are numbered!!!



The Middleton Family is pretty close to being ready for the holidays. Bret and the kids went out shopping last Saturday. Just having those few hours alone in the house seemed to get me back on track…well, almost! So the cards are done, 98% of the shopping is done (Vicki, you are not helping this number..), wrapping will start soon and cookies with the kids will be Wednesday. Jillian is very excited…she really doesn’t play with toys so she was even hard to buy for this year. I think she is more excited that we are making her a new playroom in Tyler’s old bedroom…(he is doing a makeover in the basement for his room). Since he had such a big bedroom she now practices her tumbling in there. I swear there are times that the pictures are going to fall off the wall and I am not surprised that none of the ornaments have fallen from the tree…..she seems to have endless energy and some days I think she has no concept of pain. She has enjoyed picking out posters and things to decorate the room. Bret is going to run cable in there so when she has friends over they will have somewhere to hang out…and I will finally get my TV back….somehow she has decided that my tv is really her tv….



We will have Christmas with the Middleton’s this Sunday and then we will visit with my family next weekend. It will be good to spend some quality time with everyone!



Well, enough for now. I hope everyone has a fantastic holiday. Take time to remember what the holiday is really about and spend quality time with those that really matter. Please say a prayer for all those that have lost loved ones this past year as they try to get thru their first Christmas without that special person.



Merry Christmas!

In a big, fat FUNK!

Well, that intro says it all...I'm in a funk...don't know why, nothing has happened, everyone is fine...I am just in a funk. Part of me thinks it is just Christmas...I am just not a fan of all the commercial crap that goes on surrounding this holiday...the real reason for Christmas is forgotten by so many...even my kids easily forget. A few nights ago Jillian said "I just wish I could have presents every day"...I tried to tell her that I understood what she was thinking but that we all must remember what this is really all about. We were watching Charlie Brown Christmas and right then my favorite part came on where they tell the Christmas story and they all remember the true meaning of Christmas. She listened but she is like most other kids and went right back to wanting it all....

Anyway, back to me and my "issues"....the holiday season started off pretty good for me. I felt organized, had my lists, Christmas cards were ordered and plans were set but for some reason this week I am just over it....don't feel like doing any of it. This is where Bret has to step in and take over...he's done it before and he can do it again....the plan is there...just needs to be implemented.

Work is tough and I know that affects my mood a lot. There are so many days that by the time 5:00 rolls around I just feel like I have nothing left to give...I want to just crawl in a hole. Of course, that's not an option so you go thru the motions. Wouldn't it be nice if we all got paid to do something we really loved to do??? There are days that I think I really deserve that and I am sure many of you think the same thing...life is too short - do what you love - love what you do...blah, blah, blah. I wonder how many people ever really get that chance?

Ok, enough of the pity party...moving on.

My surgery is set for January 6th. No guarantees that our plans to "lift and shift" the foobs will help the big dent in the center of my chest but I am ready to try this once and then finish up with nips and tats and be done with this. I am not nervous about this surgery and I feel good about my decision. I will be home most of January recovering which means not doing anything with my arms. She will once again do internal stitching and it is important that I move as little as possible to keep the stitches from popping. I wasn't very good about this the last time...I swear I could feel them pop sometimes and now I see the results of those choices.

Well, thanks for checking in...sorry to be such a downer but that is just where I am right now. Tomorrow is Friday and that is a very good thing. I love my weekends and we have some good things planned for the weekend and I will love every minute of it.