September 14th.....not a good day for me!

Friday morning started off great. The weather in Cinci was great and it was the last day of the work week. I buzzed downtown with no trouble to make a quick visit to Group Health for a mammogram. I had seen my GYN on Thursday to ask about a lump I found the previous weekend. He was not concerned at all but said just to be safe we should do a mammo. Since he wasn't concerned I wasn't because I had my last mammogram in January and everything looked good.



After the tech finished squishing me every way possible with the machine she told me the Radiologist wanted to talk with me.....I knew that wasn't normal but still thought we would chat and I would head on to work. As I walked in his small dark room I heard him take a long breath and give me a very concerned look.....I thought I was going to get sick. He went on to talk about how concerned he was by what he saw and that I should see a surgeon immediately. He went on and on about mastectomies and treatments but it was all too confusing now and I could not focus on what he was saying......I just kept thinking "I cannot believe this nice young man is telling me that he thinks I have cancer!" I wanted to get up and run but instead I sat there and cried as he continued to talk. Once he finished they were able to get me an immediate appointment with the surgeon who conveniently had an office right up stairs. I called Bret and told him to get there immediately.....



The nurses were very sweet and they moved me into a small room to make some calls....all of a sudden I couldn't breathe and my hands started to tingle....I knew I was going to pass out. The ladies let me lay down on an x-ray table and brought me a cool cloth. I settled down and started to make more calls. Once I covered work and family I called Annie and told her to talk me through this......she was an angel and kept me on the phone and told me that she knew I was going to be okay.



After getting lost Bret finally came in and we rushed up to meet Dr. Karlakian. After reviewing the films he came in to do an exam. He was the bright spot of the morning because he told us he did not believe the lump was cancer but he would do a needle biopsy just to be sure. He said he would rush it through the lab so we would have the results that evening. I left his office feeling much better and thinking that I really might be okay. We just needed those results to come back showing no cancer.



I called everyone back on my way home and gave them the hopeful news and promised to call them back as soon as we knew something.



My sister Kay arrived that afternoon to help out for the weekend. Then Dr. K finally called and said the test came back showing that I had cancer......I felt like my world was spinning out of control but I knew I had to get myself together and move forward. Kay left with the kids so Bret and I could make calls.......those were horrible calls to make but I have never felt so much love from so many people. We are so very blessed to have so many wonderful people in our lives who just wanted to so something for us.........I asked them to pray for all of us.........we are going to need it.

I found that staying busy is the best medicine. We have done lots of little projects around the house this weekend and Kay and I had some great "bonding" time together. The weekend has been filled with lots of phone calls and emails of support that keep my spirits up.

I am feeling optimistic but also terrified. I just want to know exactly what we are dealing with. I will find out Monday if they can fit me in for surgery on Tuesday and we should know all the facts by Friday.

I want to be a breast cancer survivor. I have donated my time and money for many years to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation because I believed it was a great cause and when my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2001 it became even more important for me to try to help....I just never wanted to be the person that they were trying to help........

There are so many other things in my head but I think this is enough for now.......I keep thinking I will wake up and this will just be a horrible dream. That would be nice and I know that it would certainly be a wake up call to always remember the important things in life. Every day is a gift!