Thursday update

It has been a busy week! The rain finally stopped so it was nice to see some sunshine here...I was beginning to think we were going to need to build an Ark! I have been feeling pretty stressed out and emotional all week. I have been very busy at work trying to get things wrapped up before I leave....that has not been easy to do because I really have a hard time concentrating on anything. I tried to go shopping tonight for Tyler's b-day party tomorrow night and Easter but I just kind of walked around and couldn't stay focused on the things I needed to get...it kind of reminds me of my first week after surgery in September. I remember the first time I went out on my own I felt like I was in a daze and everyone and everything was buzzing around me but I was in slow motion....now I feel like I am being pulled along but I can't stay focused on what I need to accomplish. I know things will be better after the surgery but I can't help worrying until that is over. The bad boob keeps hurting and that drives me insane...since I had pain there before we removed the tumor now I worry that there is more cancer there...

I still haven't decided what we are going to tell Jillian next week. My friend Heather will keep her that night so we may just not even mention the hospital and just tell her that I went to the doctor again and I have a boo-boo. For some reason she was so upset about Heather being in the hospital when she gave birth to Addison...I never could understand what upset her so much but it made me worry about what we would do when it was time for my surgery. I know it will be hard on her the first few weeks after surgery because she loves to give "sqeezy hugs" and I won't be able to do that...you've read this before but I will write it again...I HATE that my kids have to go thru this...

I had my Herceptin treatment yesterday and that went fine. I made up a big Easter basket for all the staff. It was full of candy, one of the pink breast cancer ducks from my party and a crazy Easter Egg that played the song "Disco Duck"...they all got a laugh out of it and I am sure it drove Dr. B. crazy by the end of the day because everyone kept pushing it and making it play again. I had an exam with Dr. B. before treatment. I got upset when we were talking about surgery and he tried his best to get me to stop worrying so much...he also gave me a refill on my Ativan (happy pill) prescription so those will help with the anxiety this weekend and help me sleep! I was the only patient in the treatment room so I took a nice long nap....it was hard going back to work - I think I need to move my appointments to later in the day. I came home at 5:00 and immediately went to bed and slept until 9:00. I got up and had a bowl of cereal and went right back to sleep...I started taking the Aleve again today so I am hoping that will help with the mild aches that come with the Herceptin.

Hair update: Last week most of my remaining eyebrows fell out. Luckily, I had lots of time to practice filling them in with make-up while they were thinning so I don't look too goofy. This week my eyelashes are growing! After complaining about my hairy arms I think some of it actually fell out last week also...my arms look kind of crazy now because I have these random hairs all over. The hair on my head seems to have really grown a bunch this week and it is not all gray! Jillian told me my head looked dirty and when I looked closer it was dark red or brown hair coming in. The thick stubbles that stayed on my head all thru chemo seemed to have fallen out recently also...now all the hair is very, very fine and soft.

Here is something I forgot to mention that happened last weekend. Jillian and I were in Hobby Lobby waiting for the clerk to cut some fabric for us. I guess the clerk and I were talking about my situation (I just had a bandana on my head) and the guy standing behind me must have been listening. He tapped me on the shoulder and when I turned around he asked me if he and his wife could pray with me right there....he went on to tell me that in 2001 he was diagnosed with a brain tumor and told that he had 6 months to live...he is doing great today and is a firm believer that he is here because God took care of him. I told him I would be happy to have them say a prayer for me so there the four of us stood in the middle of Hobby Lobby praying...he asked God to take care of me during my surgery and also prayed for my strength during all of this...he also said a nice prayer for Jillian. I thanked them and we went our separate ways....just another interesting experience in this journey....