Going back to work has gone ok...I am much more tired than I thought I would be but I am sure it will get better each week. Everyone at work was so nice, they made a big banner for my office to welcome me back and had lots of nice cards wating for me! Things have been pretty hectic...I had a large project come in for me on Friday that has stumped me for three days and also on Friday the one and only engineer that I rely on for support on this product line resigned...I hate to see him go but I do wish him the best.
It looks like I will be performing at Jillian's dance recital in June...I am not very happy about it. I noticed on the bulletin board at the dance school that they were looking for Mom's and Dad's to perform....I had no interest and kind of just ignored it...if I wanted dance lessons I would sign up them!! Anyway, on Monday night Jillian came home and started begging me to participate and talking about how much she would love to see me on the stage with the other moms. I guess she guilted me into it because I went for the first rehearsal last night. There were 8 of us moms that were willing to be subjected to this public humiliation. Once everyone was there the instructor told us that she had chosen a Shania Twain song....yep, you guessed it....I FEEL LIKE A WOMAN!!! Of course, the only thing that I could think is that I have never felt like less of a woman with no boobs, non functioning ovaries and a butch hairdo. I honestly thought I would bust out crying or vomit right there...I could tell that she was kind of looking at me as she went on to explain that during the dance we would all be wearing baseball caps and at one point we would take them off, throw them behind us and shake out our hair. Well, isn't that just a great idea...I just put on my big, fake smile and tried to make a joke...I looked in the mirror and my face was beet red...could this get any worse???? During the evening we learned about half of the steps...I kept asking "when do we start the repetition part of the dance?" I guess she forgot that we are not dancers. All I can say is that Jillian really better appreciate this some day...let's just hope for more hair by the end of June so I don't look like a total freak!
Jillian was very excited when I came home and wanted to hear the song and see the moves...I told her that it will be a surprise. Not long after that she got into one of her "moods" and everything around her made her unhappy and mean....she went into one of her fits that continued on for about 90 minutes. I was so worn out at that point that I tried to ignore it....Tyler was trying to complete a homework project and Bret blew his top....it was a long night...I really don't cry much but that evening certainly deserved the tears- HELLO SUPERNANNY!!!...ARE YOU OUT THERE???..WE NEED YOU!!!
4 comments:
Jan - I could laugh and cry at the same time reading this post. One day far in the future you will most likely look back and laugh at this - but right now, it's too emotional. The thing that will get you thru it is your true motivation - Jillian. You are doing this for HER - no one else but her - so no matter what - it's worth it! I can just see her watching you perform, just beaming with pride and that huge old smile that makes me melt! Yes, it will all be worth it! None of us have patience for the "moods". Just sounds like a snowball night. Calgon - take me away - far, far away! :) Today is a new day. Each day is a gift for us all. Try to forget about yesterday - and make today a GREAT one. You are doing this! With style.... Keep up the great work! Take care of yourself and rest when your body tells you that you need it! Love you!!!!! Sue
You know, I giggle when I read your posts, now because I think they are funny but because I can feel your pain and frustration. Just when you think things will be normal you are asked to swing your flowing hair? If your hair isn't where you want, put on that fancy pink wig and go with it girl! Jillian will be so happy you are up there, long hair or not!! Like Sue said, just remember you are doing this for her. I am sure when you look out into the audience and see Bret, Tyler and Jillian grinning from ear to ear it will all be worth it!
P.S. Make sure Bret tapes it so we can all admire your dance moves!
Love ya,
Kay
Oh Jan, what courage you have! It's just like you to make it easier on everyone else, like cracking a joke when the instructor was talking about taking off the ball cap and shaking out your hair. She was probably mortified about having to say that but you made it all right for her.
Jillian appears to have the same strength of personality that you do, only she's funneling it into tantrums. That will change. Patience, patience!
Personally, I'd pay money to see you dance in the pink wig. You would steal the show!
Enjoy being back to work. Don't over do it!!
Take care,
Libby
Sue was right --- I didn't know if I should laugh or cry when I read your last entry. You are doing this for Jilian and that has to be what gets you through --- gets you through Jilian's fits, the overly difficult dance steps, the silly baseball cap/hair throwing scene. All of it. You may even find it fun (okay, on some level!). I hope you can find a fellow mom or two in the dance group that you can enjoy this with. Can you wear a baseball hat AND a wig? Wouldn't it be fun for you to wear one of your colorful wigs under the ball cap?
REST!
Love you! janie
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