Finally catching up...

As I said in my quick post earlier this week things have been nuts around here...let me see if I can get caught up.

Bret added a lot of pics for you to see from the Race for the Cure.

This is a quick description of each from the top down
-My family
-Jillian and Amanda with the Wicked Witch..not sure why she was there..
-Jillian walking
-Tyler running - Yep! Tyler ran the 5K...we were so proud of him!!
-A shot of the survivors as they received gift bags (yep, more pink chip clips)
-Team Ta-Tas members that I work with at LSI
-Team Ta-Tas members that live in Strawberry Hill
-kid shots
-All of the 2008 Team Ta-Tas Members --WE ROCK!!
-Race shot
-Me and Vicki - we were co-captains for the team...

On Friday my two sisters and their families came down for the weekend to participate in the Race for the Cure with us. Kay and Dean and the kids were staying with us and Vicki and Todd stayed in a hotel nearby...it was fun having a house full of people for the weekend. On Friday night Bret put together a little poker tournament so the guys played in that along with some neighbors and friends...they raised over $200 (and drank a few beers!)

On Saturday morning Vicki and Kay and I went to a fundraiser breakfast for the walk...we were guests of my friend Melissa who was also in charge of the event..she did a wonderful job of putting everything together. The Marketing Director for the Komen affiliate in Cincinnati was there and she asked me if I would be willing to speak at future events and share my story...I told her absolutely...I would love to do that and hopefully help someone else by sharing my experience..After the breakfast we loaded all the family up and headed down to the river for some sightseeing...it was a fun afternoon but it was HOT!! I think we had 100% humidity and the temps were in the high 80s all weekend until the storm blew in...

On Sunday morning we all got up very early to go to the walk...it was hot and muggy again but we were all looking pretty cool in our Team Ta-Tas shirts! I think we had between 45-50 of our team members show up and we raised over $2500! The day before the walk they had almost 400 TEAMS registered and we had one of the larger ones! They were planning on approx. 12,000 people to walk...I have not heard how many were actually there but it was pretty overwhelming to see so many people there walking in memory of someone that lost their battle with breast cancer or in honor of someone that is battling breast cancer. All of the sponsors of the event had booths set up and they were giving out "freebies"..we gathered up pink ribbon chip clips, pink ribbon bottles of water, Ford pink scarves, Energizer Bunny pink rabbit ears and the list goes on and on....after the walk they had a survivors ceremony...this was the part of the walk that I wasn't sure how it would feel to attend. There were a ton of women there in the pink survivor shirts of all ages. I kind of sat off to the side and I still don't think it really sank in that I was a "member" of this club...I still felt like I was on the other side...organizing the team and trying to raise money...that is the role that I was comfortable with because I had done something similar for so many years with the March of Dimes. It's just hard to describe the emotions..that was my one year "cancerversary" and my first big event to attend as a survivor..I think I just felt kind of numb.....

The one year mark certainly brought up a lot of mixed emotions. As the date got closer it seemed like I found myself thinking about the day that I was diagnosed more and more....everything that happened that day is so crystal clear in my mind...the peaceful drive down to the doctor's office downtown on a beautiful morning, the mammogram, the tech coming back in saying they needed more pictures...the long walk to the radiologists office...him touching my arm as I sat down and letting out a big sigh...him telling me that he thought I had cancer..the tears streaming down my face..calling Bret....feeling like I was going to pass out...the office staff moving me to an x-ray table in case I passed out...crying...making phone calls...crying...the biopsy...and then the waiting. That night the call came in that it was malignant...it just seemed so hard to believe.....once that sunk in then I had to try so hard to hold it together in front of the kids while at the same time I was wondering if this was a death sentence..how far had it spread..did we find it too late? Would I leave my kids without a Mom? Thank goodness Kay was here with us that weekend to help with the kids and to help keep me distracted. It wasn't long after that day that I started the blog...I was pretty impressed with myself that I actually set it up on my own. In some way it's always been therapeutic for me to write about all of this....there is so much I need to get out but sometimes I just can't talk about it but writing about it seems to come easy...I often think that no one is even reading my ramblings but I still want to write it...I am a different person than I was on September 14th of last year...cancer has changed me...some ways good, some ways not so good. Sometimes memories flood my mind that almost seem like a never-ending nightmare...chemo...losing my hair...the look in Jillian and Tyler's eyes the first time they saw me without hair...being sick...being sick and tired...the mastectomy..the pain...looking at myself in the mirror for the first time after my mastectomy...being tired...being scared...Other times I am able to focus on the good memories....the constant love and support from friends and family (cards, gifts, meals, help with the kids, visits, email and blog messages)...Bret sticking by my side in the good and bad times (over 40 hours in the chemo chair)...Jillian rubbing my bald head at night and saying "I think there are 100 hairs up here now".....the No-Mo Chemo party during the ice storm...finding Dr. B and Dr. K...the kindness of strangers that reached out to us...My Mom coming to stay with me after the surgery..these are the things I try to focus on....I know that I am so blessed to have some of the greatest friends and family that a person could ask for...I know that we cannot take one day for granted and we can never take each other for granted...each day is a gift. I have never asked "why me"..I have told myself that this has happened for some reason and that I must learn from it and find some way to help others with my experience and give back in some way....I have said many times to people who are newly diagnosed "we all must decide for ourselves how we want to make this journey".

Okay, this post is really getting long but I haven't even talked about the wind storm. After the race we all got home and said goodbye to family as they headed back up I-71. It had been breezy that morning and they said we might get storms and some strong winds. Sometime around 2 the wind really picked up and the power went out. Jillian and I laid down for a nap and when we woke up a couple hours later it sounded like the house was going to get blown away...it seemed to be raining leaves outside and the trees were just whipping around...I have heard that the winds were around 75mph and that lasted a couple hours! That is hurricane force...the strange and lucky thing is that we didn't have storms...it rained for just a few minutes but other than that it was just cloudy. Once the winds started to die down the kids and I hung out on the screen porch..we did homework and Jillian and I did manicures! We all went to bed early thinking the power would be back on at any time...we woke up the next morning to hear that there was something like 800,000 people without power and it might take up to a week before we would get it back. Luckily, the temp had really gone down and everyone was outside trying to clean up their yards...the kids played outside all day...Tyler was probably the first to really miss TV and power...he said it was "miserable"....food in the fridge and freezer was starting to get too warm so several of us decided to get together for a big cook-out that evening....we had a great evening! We had about 35 people in our back yard. We pulled out the fireplace to roast marshmallows and keep everyone warm. Larry and Steve grilled for all of us...we had chicken, salmon, hamburgers, steaks...you name it - we had it - it was quite the Meat Feast! We partied until 9:30 and went to bed again hoping to wake up with power...it finally came on Tuesday morning around 3 am...Tyler's school opened back up on Wed and Jillian went back today. There are still a lot of people in the Cinci area without power...we were lucky to get it back so soon and not have any damage to our roof or any trees down. It's been a crazy week but we have made it thru! Luckily, we weren't one of those people out there fighting over gas or ice...we just kind of made the best of it! Bret and Tyler helped out some of the ladies on our street in their yards and we just did what needed to be done...it was an interesting experience but I hope we don't have another like it anytime soon....after a couple days with no tv or internet I realized how much I am addicted!!

Love - Jan

Thanks again to all of you that have taken this journey with me...I am blessed to have you in my life!