I peaked!

When Dr. K finished my surgery she put another horrible, tight fitting surgical bra on me and then packed it full of gauze...she wanted to keep everything right where she put it and told us no shower and just leave everything alone until we saw her tomorrow....the first few days I would just kind of pull the bra open at the top and try to look in....couldn't see a whole lot but what I saw looked pretty good....the main thing I noticed is that the right side no longer look like it was sunken in...that was promising! Yesterday I went to take a nap and just couldn't get to sleep...the stupid bra is so tight and it just digs into both incisions underneath my foobs. I started thinking about the bra that Dr. K. told me to bring with me to the appt on Monday...she told me I needed a firm underwire bra and that I will need to wear it for 24 hours a day for an entire month...I have never been a fan of underwires...they just don't seem to be too comfy for "apple" shaped gals like me. But, before my surgery I did buy a nice white underwire bra...Yesterday, when I should have been napping I had the urge to try that bra on....I kept telling myself that I was not supposed to do it but finally the curiosity got the best of me...I took off the surgical bra and was hoping that all the gauze would just stay in the right position so it would be easier to put back on...oops...that didn't work out! As soon as I unzipped that bra all the gauze popped right out on the floor...I went ahead and put on my new bra and I was so excited...it was a C cup and one side was really filled in nice...the left side seems to still be pushing a little out so the inside of the cup was not quite filled out but still these foobs looked so much better than those crazy expanders. Jillian was napping and Tyler was in the basement so I grabbed a robe and went downstairs to where my Mom, sister and Bret were watching TV...I walked in the room like a Victoria's Secret model (yeah right!), opened the robe and said "Look how great these things look!" I think they were a little surprised but they all agreed that Dr. K had made some damn nice foobs! It was a good feeling...I was just really convinced that we would not have a good outcome and I would just always view my chest as a complete trainwreck....there may be a ton of scars going every which way but at least when I have clothes on I think I may be able to feel like I look normal again....

Recovery from this surgery has been slower than I expected. The day of surgery went well...Bret and I got to the surgicare area and they started prepping me right away. I had a very nice nurse and things were just fine until it was time for the IV. Her first attempt was on the inside of my arm by my elbow...she poked and poked and finally said she would need to try another spot...this is where they normally remove the needle and get a new one out....she decided she would leave this needle dangling from my arm just in case she needed to come back to that area and try again...What???!!! My nerves were already pretty frazzled but I just kept quiet as she decided the next best place to try would be the inside of my wrist...before she started she thought it would be helpful to tell me that this is one of the most painful areas to access because of the tendons..so in goes the needle and she can't hit a vein. I normally don't think this process hurts too bad but she started pushing and digging and pushing and digging like she almost forgot there was a human being attached to that arm ... the tears started flowing...I wanted to just slap her with my free hand!! Finally, she hit a vein and got out of the room as fast as she could. I was trying to "suck it up" and in walked Dr. K to mark me up...when she asked how I was doing I started crying again and said "I hate those DAMN IVs"..she looked to see where mine was and agreed that it was a hard spot to have one. After that drama things settled down. Dr. K. got out her sharpie and marked me up and then they finally let Bret come in with me. I had the same anesthesiologist that I had for my mastectomy...she is the BEST! (Thanks Carissa for setting that up for me again) She and another nurse came in to go over everything. We were all joking about foobs and they were asking me what size I wanted and they said they would be happy to speak on my behalf during the surgery!! They both commented on how they like to do these types of surgeries because it means that the woman is moving on to the next stage and starting to live life again...they really do have wonderful staff at Good Sam Hospital. As they wheeled me off to the OR Bret's final words were "don't be afraid to go big Honey!!" The girls got a chuckle out of that one! I remember going in to the operating room...we all started asking Dr. K about her new baby girl who was just 6 weeks old on that day...she pulled out some pics for all of us to look at....it just kind of seems funny to think of that scene...kind of like a bunch of girls just hanging out...I like it that way!

The next thing I rememember is being in recovery....I did not have any nausea which was so wonderful. I just kept asking for a drink because my mouth was so dry...after a while they took me back to my room and I was able to have a Pepsi and try to eat some crackers...before long they were loading me into a wheel chair and we were on the way home.

The first night was long...I couldn't sleep very well. I think I might have been having some odd reaction to one of the anesthesia meds...I had a weird itching sensation that would wake me up on a different part of my body over and over....I never did have a rash and that ended the next day. They wanted me to take Oxycodone for the pain and I was still wearing a nausea patch behind my ear....I think the combination of the two just really screwed my head up....by Wednesday night I decided I would rather be in pain than feel so messed up in the head so we pulled the patch and switched over to Tylenol for the pain....each day it has been easier to get around but the incision pain is constant...that sucks but it is tolerable.

Bret has taken such good care of me....we once again came up with a creative way to shower me without taking off the crazy bra and this time around he even got to find a way to wash my hair. I don't think that any woman could ask for her husband to take better care of her and the kids than what he has done...I am very blessed!

My sister, Kay, and my Mom came down to stay with us for the weekend. By request, my Mom made her wonderful Chicken & Dumplings yesterday...they were so good...Jillian even told Grandma she deserved a High 5!! It was so nice to have them here...we sat around this morning and talked a lot about our grandparents and Mom told us a lot of things about them that we were too young to remember...our grandparents lived so far away when we were growing up so we didn't really get to know them very well. I am so glad that my kids do have that opportunity...they love their grandparents! I hated to see them leave this morning but we really enjoyed their visit..after that I took a very long nap.

Thanks to all of you for the cards, prayers, gifts, food, phone calls, etc. after this surgery. It certainly has been a long journey and I just feel so blessed with your continued support...Love - Jan