Another biopsy...

Let's just start off by saying today really sucked....work has been tough this week so I was already in a rotten mood when I went to see Dr. B. We talked for a while about follow up, my Lupron shots, bone density issues, etc. I finally said..."I need you to feel a lump that I found"....we were both standing as I showed him where it was and he started to examine it...I kept looking in his eyes hoping to see him relax and say it was ok but he didn't. He said it just didn't feel like scar tissue because it was too round and smooth. He said it could be a swollen lymph node or it could be a local recurrence...whatever it is he wants it out. He immediately went out and told Diane to get Dr. Kerlakian on the phone. She tried a couple times but he must have been in surgery. He said he wanted me to see him asap and have him decide if I needed a biopsy or just have it removed. I was really trying to hold it together while I was there and he was trying to be so supportive and optomistic that this would turn out to be nothing. Before I left he wanted to check it one more time...I started crying and because we were standing up again I couldn't help thinking about the tears dripping off my cheeks onto his hands. Kind of an odd thing to think about but it just seemed like I was watching a movie... I just couldn't believe this was happening...I really thought I would walk in there and he would tell me to stop worrying and that it was nothing....

By the time I got out to my car Diane called me on my cell and said that he had gotten me an appt with Dr. K in an hour. The two offices are close so I just went and sat in the parking lot until it was time for my appt. It just felt like everything was starting over again and the bad thing this time around is I know what is on the other side of a cancer diagnosis. My appt was at the same office where I saw the ob/gyn the first time I had my lump examined back in Sept 07. The appt with Dr. K was quick...he felt the lump, said he didn't like it and it needed to come out. To get quicker results he said we would do a core needle biopsy today. He numbed the area and then stuck the needle in to remove tissue samples. He said he had hoped to get fluid (I guess that would have made him think that it was not cancer for sure) but there was no fluid in the sample..just tissue. He said he would push for the results and that I should have them late tomorrow or Friday morning at the latest. He said once we have the results we will need to decide when I want to have another surgery to actually remove the entire lump...My entire right side was pretty sore so I decided to come home and take something and take a nap...I just wanted to stop thinking about all the "what ifs"...

Tonight has been ok...I don't want the kids to know anything is going on so I am just trying to keep busy and act like normal.

Please say a prayer for me....I just don't want to go through all of this again...