A year later....

This weekend last year I was getting ready for my mastectomy...it has been a tough few days. I guess I am surprised at how much I keep thinking about it. I don't regret my decision and really never have but I guess it's just hard to see where I am a year later with the reconstruction. It has been my decision to slow things down and put off more sugeries but maybe that wasn't the best decision..maybe it bothers me more than I really think. I know..."I look fine in clothes" but these scars, dents, ripples and all the "other" issues are something I have to see EVERY day. Oh well, enough about that. I think my hormones are going crazy so that probably doesn't help the "mental state". I think my body is attempting to come out of "chemopause"...chemotherapy induced menopause. For the past couple of months I have been having all the symptoms that I used to have before my periods. The Lupron shots are supposed to prevent this from happening but it feels like there is one heck of a battle going on between the Lupron and my ovaries. I will see Dr. B. in April so we will need to talk about going to a monthly shot or just stopping the shots completely to see what happens. When we discussed this at the end of the year he had said that if we let my ovaries start functioning again I would probably have the same problems that I used to have every month and then we would talk about getting just the ovaries out or doing a hysterectomy....I hate the idea of more surgery but the horrible headaches and cramping I have had these past couple of months are motivation to get it done....

On a happier note...Tyler turns 14 on Tuesday...Wow...hard to believe...he is so much taller than me now and his voice is starting to change. Sometimes I look at him and just find it hard to believe how old he is getting...he has been moving very slow today (even slower than usual)....his football team along with the Kings HS football teams delivered 20,000 bags of mulch yesterday! Yes, I said 20,000! That is their big fundraiser for the year...he was whipped when he got home last night! I have included a pic that I took of him Friday night...his bowl that he made in art class was selected to be on display at the Night of Knights (Kings Jr High & High School night to showcase their art, music, etc). Thankfully, the weather was perfect for them...we have had a beautiful weekend here. We finished it off by going over to the Galberg's for s'mores tonight...YUM! Jillian and I actually had 2 desserts tonight...she and I baked a Peach Cobbler Cake this morning...I don't recommend it....too peachy. I asked her last week... "what is your favorite thing to do with Mommy?" - answer - "bake a cake!" So of course, I had to make sure we baked a cake this weekend....it really doesn't matter what it tastes like, it's the time spent together that really matters....