Sunday Update....

When I woke up this morning I had dreamed about having cancer for the first time. For a few moments after I woke up I thought that maybe it had all been a horrible dream but as I rolled over and felt my incisions I knew that it was real. For the first time since we learned about the cancer I had such a hard time falling asleep last night, I guess it was my time to have a pity party for myself. I guess it was time for another good cry..........I just don't know how to get back to normal life.....I don't want to live every day worrying about this disease and being afraid that every ache or pain is cancer in a new area of my body. I worried about how this will affect my kids lives. Jillian at this point has no idea what is going on but I know someday she will have to learn about Mommy having cancer. Tyler seems to be doing great but I am afraid that he is just trying to be strong. As a parent you want to protect your kids from pain and I know that this disease will cause them pain. I got out of the house for the first time yesterday and went to Borders to get some books about breast cancer. It felt good to get out but it also made our situation more real. Life was moving on all around me but I felt like I had been tucked away in my little cocoon all week and now I was supposed to get out and act like everything was just fine.......hard to explain but it just seemed like I was watching a movie of someone else's life.

Bret has been taking great care of all of us but I know this has to be hard on him. I have a lot of anxiety about meeting with the doctor and getting the "prognosis." I know that I should not get hung up on statistics but how can you not?????? After meeting with the surgeon tomorrow I want to get two opinions on what my treatment plan should be. I would like to get a lot of this accomplished before going back to work..........I just can't imagine going back to work and trying to focus on work while I have decisions to make about beating this disease. I know it will be good for me to get back to work but I know it will be hard.

I am so thankful Annie and Tim were able to stop for a quick visit (see the pics that Bret added below). I loved meeting little Ben for the first time. It was wonderful to hold him and think about all the opportunities that life can offer him. It was nice to have the house full of noise with a baby crying and two little girls running in two different directions. I hated to see Annie leave, we have been friends for many years, I miss her already......

I feel like we can not thank people enough for all that they have done for us this week....no words seem to be enough........I can only hope that you all know that we genuinely appreciate every kind gesture no matter how big or small! Keep those prayers coming!